Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

Nah, she could call it a "water treatment of a special kind"

snake food?

Good morning, all - just catching up.

Thank you for your lovely post, dawntigga.

I am still perplexed at Toad's magic transformation. It would be great to remove the hostility from the process and to be able to settle everything peacefully and more importantly without incurring further legal costs. And to be able to sleep and move on from all this. I am still expecting some furious raging attack anytime soon though and angry outbursts.

Just keep a record of nice offers and proceed from those. It would be fab, maybe he thinks he is now playing the long game? He is being nice only to bite back later or try to get you back at some point in the future.
Take his niceness at face value re the negotiations, but don't settle for far less than you need/want/expect just to keep him sweet.
And it's weird, isn't it? Slightly unsettling but never mind tis the season to be gracious up to a very, very solid boundary

It's all emailed, dunfightin and I just saw that he has copied his solicitor into the emails too.

We plan to exchange undersigned agreements on Monday that are then going to be drafted into a legal document.

It is weird. Why is he suddenly so conciliatory? Unsettling, as you say.

What does he have up his sleeve?

Sounds good that its all in writing karen but I can understand your worry! Perhaps he's realised that he could be in for a bashing if he doesn't agree? Or, in a seasonal theme, has he had a Scrooge-like vision of Xmas future and seen himself alone and bitter so he's going to be a nicer toad henceforth?? Or (apologies I love Xmas) like the grinch has his heart grown 3sizes and he's planning to shower everyone with gifts and good cheer?

Hoping you can take it at face value but I imagine you will be on tenterhooks until Monday! Will it all be signed, done and dusted, and is the proposal a clean break for you?

It would be a nice Xmas present!

I like your interpretation thatsnotmyname it is probably a mixture of everything.

I take things at face value and at the same time I am completely aware that things can change again overnight.

Yes, the proposal is a settlement of all matters.

nah he is trying to show he is being reasonable... putting on a front for someone else. of course it would be a shame if you accidently forwarded all the ranting emails by mistake.

There is no one to put a front on for and why would he do this.

The ranting emails would show his conduct towards the mother of his children and help my case if I needed protection in the future.

Oh well, he is either reasonable or not and we will see tomorrow.

Hmm all I can say is that if the agreements are all signed, what will you have to do to enforce them? Are they enforceable and at what cost?

Maybe he thinks that if he's reasonable, you might change your mind and let him into the house over Christmas.

I wonder if their is a new victim on the scene so he wants this little matter cleared up asap so he can move her and him in etc.?

Endless possibilities tbh.

RandomMess makes a very good point. How can this agreement be enforced if he decides to renege on it?

That might be his plan, it's not legally enforceable therefore he doesn't have to keep to it. Unlike a Court Order which has penalties.

I really hope not, but nothing would surprise me.

If it is a contract between both of us and undersigned by both of us - and I will accept nothing less, then it is like any commercial contract. A court order is equally not enforceable as such. There have been Schedule One orders made in the past, that I have seen in case law, that have not been enforced in years.

If he does not adhere to the terms of the contract, then I have to enforce it by going to court, but this will not be regarding the terms, because the terms have already been clarified in the contract. This would just be to enforce payment, but I hope it won't come to this, ATM.

'New victim on the scene' is a possibility. It would be great, if his attention is distracted from us/me and this may take his focus off me/the children. But he is not moving in now. My occupation rights are in a separate agreement.

My solicitor has previously commented that in her experience, if there is a new woman on the scene, the exH's usually ease up and are less interested in harassing the exW's as a consequence. Very good point, had not thought of this, Random

Karen, your solicitor is of course looking at this agreement?

My first thought was that he has a new woman.

Yes, it will be checked by my solicitor, Phase.

Re new woman: Sometimes I cannot see the wood for the trees, still. . It makes a lot of sense. He also lost lots of weight. In this context, it makes even more sense.

The narcissist in my life is always much calmer when he has a partner. Otherwise he has no one to rein him in.

I remember you saying this before Phase. And of course it is essential to completely stay away from any of this and just let them get on with it, as I said to DS on one occasion regarding a previous partner of Toad's when DS asked if we 'should warn the OW'. I said, no way, this is none of our business. The OW is an adult and if she chooses to get involved with Toad, that does not concern us. Warts and all.

He could be trying to avoid court. Maybe he has finally been made see that he stands to lose more if he carries in the way he has been and if it goes to court.

I think I would be very wary now. I wouldn't trust that he has changed.

Me too Cider this 'reasonableness' is totally out of character. Long may it last but in the interim, Karen, get it nailed down!

I am entirely aware that Toad always has a hidden agenda.

Of course he has not changed. He will never change. I am not sure what his motif is at the moment, but I can only take things at face value and ask no questions. Remain strictly on topic.

Use whattever he chucks at you, Karen, in whatever way you can; mr Nice, Mr Nasty, Mr TotalLoon....

Plough your own straight furrow. One day you will get to the end ig nore his silly little boy splatterings.