Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

KOKO Karen. Drowning under a sea of paperwork this side as well.

One day at a time and all that.

sharon, what are you on about?

Do you know Sharon, in this case I think Karen would be very happy with the time spend on her divorce. Try RTFT!
Sorry, I usually lurk but had to respond to that.

If only it was a divorce, things would have been easier, I suspect.

Yes, Lweji and from Toad's point of view this is exactly why it is not a divorce.

I too admire that you have stuck it out and managed to carry on.

I think I may have been tempted to flee the country to one that isn't with the Hague convention tbh. Although I do wonder what the process would involve to remove the dc from Germany back to the UK at their age and when they have no wish to see their abusive father.

The process would involve myself getting charged with child abduction, Random.

Sadly, despite the children's wishes and feelings, it would make no difference - remember the Welsh woman a few years ago, whose children had to literally be dragged by police and thrust on to a plane after they'd gone on the run because they couldn't get any help to stay in Wales.

Harrowing stuff.

Have just seen the agenda and cancelled the meeting. It was all about what he wanted.

WWK you were spot on. He only wants to discuss contact. Not finances.

Karen, I'm glad you cancelled the meeting. To my mind there was never any real chance it would bear fruit. Well done on not taking any shit.

Well done Karen. No surprise, but sorry he's being such a git. Again.

I don't even think he deserves the title of Toad.

Hugs

Nicely decisive, Karen.

Agenda has been changed. Meeting is back on. For now.

Agree, I have to think of something worse than 'Toad'.

If there is any shit, I will walk out.

I will keep you posted tomorrow morning.

Hmmmmm.

Hmmmmm.

Hmmmmm.

Nope, I shan't speculate, make predictions or hypothesize.

I will wish you a great night's sleep (if I had a magic wand, I'd ensure it happened for you). And I'll cross my finger's for you. And toes.

Good luck, Karen.

WWK

You are not going to need a clairvoyant for this one, nor a woo-doo doll.

He is going to be a shit.

I am going to walk out.

Self full filing prophecy?

No. Groundhog Day.

There are full files (full of shit) but I meant to say 'self fulfilling prophecy'.

Oh no, but not surprising. He is dangling from a noose of his own making and therefore will keep clutching at whatever branches might hold if only temporarily.
Good for you to kick him into touch. Forgot but who is at this meeting? Will there be witnesses/legal types?
I hope it's not just you and him?
My bitter experience says nail everything down and don't move an inch unless the point is absolutely crystal clear and has no caveats.
If you don't like something or are unsure about it, then one thing is to recognise and note that x or y is an issue and agree to discuss it. It means you acknowledge the issue and it becomes clarified and then you can deal with it.
Mentally set out your categories i.e. work, finance, contact and cross off any that aren't to do with finances. Take a few breaks - loo, phone a friend, MN on the phone or a sip of water and count to ten before you speak. Wait when he gets het up and then continue calmly with the pertinent point when he's finished getting het up.
More diplomatic way of saying "outlandish demands" is a "court would never agree to that" or that is not going to work for me or for the DCs.

Also have a stock of set responses, so that you don't get flustered. I'm sure you won't if you have SHL with you - but still, just responses like:
That doesn't work for us
No
We're not going to do that

Remember, not a single word of apology. You're not British, so it's not as inculcated into you from the word go to apologise for everything, even if it's not your fault, so you might find that easier but you might not, I don't know! But in this case, not a single "sorry" should pass your lips. Not even "sorry that I have to leave now, because you are a monumental shit" - just "I have to leave now because you are a monumental shit".

Good luck, all strength to you

I'm totally not doing 'woo' any more. Still too traumatised.

Self full filing prophecies are my new thing. I have no idea what that involves, but I'm already in with it.

Fickle me.

Good luck tom. WWK

Good luck Karen, go slay a Toad

Good luck for today.

Just remember everyone watching this thread is cheering for you.

Slay that toad once and for all - though I suspect he's going to be hoisted on his own rope!

Good Luck Karen.
I hope that your shs will be there with you.
If not, is there a friend/family member who will accompany you? (And minute the meeting; you can't run the meeting & minute)

Just remember:
-Let's keep to the agenda
-Let's keep this discussion calm.
-The court wouldn't agree to that.
-Let me take advice on that point; I'll reply by xxxxxxx time/date

If he starts to raise his voice & talk over you, lower yours, make it deeper but quieter, (= authoritative), but keep going. He will have to listen & your calm tone will make him.

If he starts to shout, get up and leave; you do NOT take verbal abuse/bullying from this man.

Best wishes for today, just take care of yourself & break the cycle of his abuse

Good luck for today Karen.