Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

Karen, I've been lurking and willing you on for the whole thread.

I don't think redundancy pay is taxable for income tax, so it can't be 'income' for benefits purposes. I think it's classed as redundancy compensation. Money in lieu of notice is taxable though I bet Toad won't pay that without a fight

KOKO and I'll butt back out now.

Thank you, Homebird8 I was trying to find some information online and it's not clear. They will be able to tell me for sure, when they contact me. Also, how would they want to assess this. In my case, all of it has to be spent on paying off my legal costs in the end. I did get paid my 3 months notice. The thing with Toad is that he does not want to get ticked off for things like this. So he does them by the book.

Karen, that's a substantial pile of bureaucracy you've stacked up today! Don't worry about the P45, when you start a new job, they'll get hold of it if Toad hasn't handed it over by then. He has to at some point, so just put it aside, one of those worries you put in a pink bubble and watch fly away.

I think that when it comes to benefits, they want to know what savings you have and there's a limit to the amount you can have before they'll give you money. It's very unlikely you will have that much (especially as you're having to cut down the heating and shower in cold water). Last time I checked (loooong time ago) it seemed like an enormous amount to me, ie over 8k or something.

By the way, is your boiler programmable? Most of them, even our very very old one!, have controls which at least let you choose what time the heating comes on and off, usually twice a day, same for hot water. That would take some stress out of having to remember whether you need to turn it off/on.

We have a Megaflow system, that is programmable, Jux but it only works when the boiler is on and the boiler as such is not programmable, unfortunately. So I end up turning it on and off in the morning and after school when I turn the heating on.

I do hope that we are not expected to live on the statutory redundancy pay! As expected, shedfuls of abuse from Toad in response to my request for CM. How does he think he can get out of this?

By bullying you, it's what he does best.
Put your head down & keep on going, I'm full of admiration for you.

Report, report and report again anything at all that could possibly be construed as abusive, threatening or in contravention of his undertakings'

The following is from Money Saving Expert posted by a DWP decision maker

you can have £16000 pounds in savings, but anything over £6000 is taken into account at the ratio of £1 off your personal allowance (PA) for every £250 over the £6000. IS will also pay the mortage interest but there is a qualifing period.

The amount you receive in council tax benefit can affected by savings over £6000, the ceiling for entitlement is £16,000.

Hope that helps.

If the redundancy payments will go straight to your solicitor for legal costs, then I doubt they'll be considered savings, but they will be able to confirm that for you.

He's a bully, Karen, and he thinks that if he bullies you enough you will capitulate; why not, he's right after all (oh ho ho ho).

I think some of the behaviour of these types is that they see things in black and white terms of winning and losing, no idea about cooperation winning more for everyone in the long run. Cooperation means they've had to give a little, so therefore counts as losing. If he can't stuff you back in your box then he hasn't won.

Yes Jux with the ultimate victims being the children.

Thanks ATM I went straight to moneysavingexpert. I found out that he will have to refund me tax since end of September, because I was on 'garden leave' and this is not taxable. Will write to him about that. Also, this nonsense about paying redundancy in instalments WTF. I have not agreed to this. He devised this to avoid having to pay CM. So, I will also ask him for my redundancy payment immediately to start with, plus taxes that I should not have incurred plus CM payments.

Tomorrow I will speak with the lady from CMS again. The ACAS people should be in touch too. I requested a callback from an employment lawyer, but have of course changed my number in the meantime. I will see if I can have a go at him regarding unfair dismissal.

I also still think you could have a case under modern slavery laws.

Especially with his latest 'offer' to force me to live with him against a share of the assets! Phase i have not forgotten this.

Redundancy has nothing to to with CM. He owes you both, respectively as an employer and as the father of the children. Don't accept any less. In installments or in a lump sum.

Giving an inch is interpreted as allowing to give it all. Plus he's used the abuse tactics for so long he expects them to still work.
But you are free and there are laws he must abide by. Tough.

Glad you have moved things along.
What a toad - all these issues and the associated money are separate. You get redundancy for having been his employee; child maintenance is to support his children. It's his income that is of interest as regards the DCs. He is the NRP so he pays.
Word of warning toads never stop being toads even when you think everything is tied up. Have spent the day dealing with my own slime ball of an ex. He is still an entitled and selfish FW, but the good thing is that they damage they can do does diminish as courts do put some boundaries in place.
I would do whatever is needed as regards JSA in person as it all sounds terribly complicated. Hope you've checked out entitledto website.

You sound as though you have your ex well under control, dunfightin.

I did the 'entitled to' questionnaire. The issue regarding redundancy money did not come up anywhere, so I will just have to ask them. They must be dealing with this all the time.

I do hope he is not getting away with paying redundancy instead of CM.

Couldn't bring myself to look at any more toadish emails last night, after I nearly passed out on the way out from DS's counselling.

Hi, been lurking on your threads and silently cheering you on. 'Nearly passed out' doesn't sound good. Are you ok?

KOKO

Redundancy and CM are completely separate and the law is on your side.

No, nearly passing our does not sound at all good. What do you think of separate email address and only checking his emails once a week with a glass of wine at the ready and some cheerful telly on? And what do you think about reporting him for breaking the NMO?

Just saw this karen, please see gp if at all possible. This stress could be affecting your health. But not reading emails sounds the way to go.

Regarding nearly passing out, was it like a boing-y sensation in your head? Just curious as I had similar on Friday when under great stress! Panic attack perhaps?

Are you eating and drinking enough?

Probably a panic attack. I was chatting to DS's councellor and kind of started to feel shaky and things going blurry. It does happen still from time to time, but with Toad round I had this all the time, basically once a day.

It wasn't too bad. Probably made worse by the fear of it becoming worse, if you see what I mean. In the past, I had palpitations and received emergency treatment frequently for those. Has not happened for over a year now, basically since Toad's 'departure'. I was worried what to do if I had to call an ambulance in the middle of the night, but it has never happened.

Appointment at Job Centre this week. They will help me with all these things to claim and redundancy money is apparently unrelated to the contribution based JSA. The chap on the phone sounded very helpful.

This might help:

www.gov.uk/redundant-your-rights/notice-periods

You have mentioned a few times about the content/tone of my emails and 'shouting' in emails.
Isn't your use of enlarged type the same thing? Thats how it looks to me.'

Toad's recent comment. I use 12 point and he has just sent me an email in 8 point writing to emphasise that my use of 12 point is shouting? I always use 12 point. Whereas he uses capitals for entire sentences.

Please can you stop engaging so much with him. It's going to court, there is no negotiation anymore. Anything to do with redundancy send it recorded delivery to his work address. Leave CM to CMS service.

I can't really see why you need to email or respond to his anymore as there isn't going to be a negotiation?

Seriously, DO NOT look at his emails, DO NOT reply to them, DO NOT comment.
Send the requests, that's it.

If you do read them, make sure it's when you are feeling particularly strong and prepared and relaxed.

It was about contact, Random. I have to correspond about contact. I replied and asked him to stop writing his emails using 'shouting'.

I cannot reasonably refuse to reply to his emails about the children, but I can ask him to be civil about it. Which I did.