Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

When are you in Court?

Definitely set up a filter/rule which shoves his emails straight into a separate folder. Only look at it when you feel like it, and yes, preferably get them sent to someone else altogether. It might be tempting to have them forwarded to all his old friends and colleagues/employees too, while you're setting up filters.... but that would be naughty. It might get you into trouble too, but I don't know (note to lurkers: I am not advocating this action just enjoying the fantasy).

Karen, he is losing his grip, and I agree with Thumbwitch (again!), that he may well start on the suicide threats. Do not waste a second of thought on them, they are not serious merely tools to get you worried and panicked and running around like a headless chicken again. Tell him to ring 999 or the Samaritans and then forget it.

Nowt wrong with agreeing with me multiple times, Jux - great minds think alike an' all that!

Karen, I'm full of admiration for you. Keep on fighting, you're going to destroy him in court (well actually he's destroyed himself with all that shit...)

"I have seen some interesting jobs in Berlin, too."

If it ever comes to you moving to Berlin - and yes, there are some really good opportunities here right now - I can give you info on fee-paying and state international schools, and also the low-down on different parts of town. I've lived here a long time and have two kids at Gymnasium here. Rent and food costs are often much cheaper than the UK. And you'd be nowhere near Toad - what's not to like!

Adding to the suicide threats. I'd call 999 if he makes such threats. He'll get the visit and will be on record.

Which Gymnasiums? Which ones would you recommend? DS goes to a super selective grammar and he is in the top ten of his year. I'd hate for him to compromise on his education.

I have so far looked at the English German School for DD, but wanted to catapult DS straight into a Gymnasium.

Why ever should I call 999, Lweji . May be he has forgotten to change his will.

He may drink himself to death, but I don't think he wants to haunt me in the shape of a ghost yet, or a zombie, I think he is enjoying himself too much harassing me in this world.

No Thumb, the correct response to 'I might as well kill myself' is 'would you? That would be so great! Thanks'

So Karen, he either pays CM, or you take the dc to Germany and he pays anyway - sounds good to me! I'm also very jealous of you going to Germany; it's my long-term plan (ie in about 3 years) to go to germany to live (and learn the language properly) for a few years. I',m looking at Berlin too - I love it there. (Luckily I won't have any dc to put through the schools tho - a complication too far...)

Ptumbi

There IS only one English-German state Gymnasium, the Schiller Gymnasium. It's academically reasonably demanding (but certainly not equivalent to a super-selective) and your DC would need to be pretty competent in both languages in order to make a go of things. Maths is taught in German, for instance, would that be a problem? If you think your DD might not be academically up to a Gymnasium, then one of the private schools would definitely be best - they're springing up out of the ground like mushrooms right now and some of them are not very well established.
There's a big difference in money between full fee-paying schools like the Berlin British and subsidised schools like the Berlin Metropolitan, which is paid according to income on a sliding scale. A lot of the nominally English schools are actually full of German families who just want their kids to learn English.

You know DC in Berlin have to take a test in 10. Klasse called the MSA, as a precondition for getting into the Oberstufe? it's the only Bundesland that has this.

"I think he is enjoying himself too much harassing me in this world." What a bastard!

Why ever should I call 999
So that it's on official record that he's a danger to himself, annoy him with a visit from the emergency service and the abuse too.
And to wash your hands off it.

I would assume by now he's had his (non) answer to his generous offer of reconciliation so when do you go to court? I hope you won't have to wait much longer for resolution to all of this. Germany as plan B sounds like an exciting adventure albeit disruptive to the kids. A new start does sound attractive however so keep that plan in your back pocket-- it is nice to think that you have a viable alternative even though I would imagine that the courts will see straight through his pathetic manipultation.

Karen, glad you are sleeping okay (as you should be). I hope Toad has sleepless nights.

DD wants to live in Germany, eventually. Failing that, Netherlands or Scandinavia. I said that of course I would go with her if she wanted me to, but actually I don't speak a word of any of those languages. French only . My dad always said how beautiful Germany was but we never went.

I think you call 999 so that he gets a severe telling off from the paramedics (possibly even a bill), Karen, which would definitely be worth it if you could hide in a bush and film it.

He is completely and utterly desperate, he's losing and he knows it!

KOKO and fight for everything you and the dc need

Thank you all. Will catch up later. Unfortunately, in his most recent 'moderate' email he did not mention suicide.

We have ignored the 'request for reconciliation' and associated suggestions, such as living together and 'make things work'.

Thank you all for your positive inputs regarding Germany! Toad hates everything to do with Germany and never allowed the DCs to learn German. But it doesn't take them long to catch up now.

Everyone seems to be thinking that Toad may come up with suicide threats? This has not actually occurred to me. Why would he do this? He knows I am not interested.

Well, one can hope. Or as this is a Toad, hop.

This is neither here not there in the scheme of things that you're dealing with.. but are you sure the kids can't be British?

I ask because DS1 was born in Canada, and so is Canadian by birth (they have that rule - I know the UK doesn't), but is also British, and entitled to a British passport because both DP and I (unmarried) are British. Are your kids not British by the same rule (since the toad is on the birth certificate)?

Or because it's a Euro country is it all different.

Not that it matters... at all...

The suicide thing would be him trying to control you through you not wanting the dc to suffer if he killed himself. Tis an empty threat tbf.

Suicide threats are part of the scrip. You may or may not get them, but as he has just proposed reconciliation and the threats haven't worked, the poor me act is most likely next. But you could easily get more threats too.

Lweji the threats keep coming - the worst threat so far was reconciliation.

Jux you're right. It's so tempting to hit the 'mail to entire database' button and oops there may be some clients among these.

Controlling my imagination very sternly
Controlling my imagination very sternly
Controlling my imagination very sternly
Controlling my imagination very sternly

I love it that for you the worst threat was reconciliation! Is he aware of that and just trying to be very cruel, or is he just ordinarily deluded and actually thinks that you might want him back like most of these twats ?