Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

No, Dunfightin I have absolutely no clue how to apply for what and when? I am not really the type of person to apply for stuff like that and I have never done this, and I am completely cringing at the thought, but I suppose it will have to be done, while I am job hunting.

I am going to pester WWK in a minute to help polish up my CV with her fab writing skills (hope she won't take out a non mol on me).

JSA I cannot claim from a future date. I will have to wait until 1st December, as I am currently still employed. So that's one thing clarified. Will do this next Monday.

CSA. I have done the assessment and I received all the brochures. Following failure of out of court settlement (today) I will write to him to have him pay CM as per 1.12. too. Informal arrangements have all fallen through now.

I presume JSA is completely unrelated to CM? And child benefits?

So this will leave benefits (shudder). Deep breath. Oh well, I have paid into the system in the UK for 14 years, so I shall take this on the chin. Hopefully not for long. I will google this now.

I will also make a claim for unfair dismissal, as he wrote to me that he sacked me for personal reasons. Will see what an employment solicitor will make of this.

CAB should be able to advise you on benefits that you can apply for.

I am PROUD that the taxes my husband and I have paid will go towards protecting you and others who have been abused by Toads. That is what the welfare state is there for (in part). And you have contributed and will contribute more one day. This is a temporary situation.

Did you get anywhere with your post in Legal?

re JSA - I think it is all being 'simplified' now (prob so that they can stop some benefits!) and is all lumped together - as Lweji says, go round the CAB.

don't feel bad about getting some benefits back, Karen. it's what it's there for.

In relation to benefits, they are there to support people when they struggle.
It would a sorry state of affairs if you had to live under the bridge without them, with your children, because of a twat ex.
Use them and don't be ashamed of it. Ever.

He should be for putting you and his children in that position.

Right, I cannot do anything now, because I am not yet unemployed. Also, I have to guess how much I am likely to earn until the end of the tax year. How can I possibly establish this? This all seems to be a minefield. I have immediately been warned that I should avoid to be overpaid. Best not to apply, I reckon, but to try and find a job asap. I hate this. I shall kick Toad's arse about CM now and we will get by on my redundancy pay until I find work or we are out of here.

Thank you all for your support.This was the most dreaded of phone calls and all my fears have been confirmed. My forrin accent didn't help matters I suppose.

The alternative: Pay £200 for the application for leave to remove.

"Also, I have to guess how much I am likely to earn until the end of the tax year."

Guess as low as possible. In other words, assume that you will be unemployed from the date of the end of your current employment. Because it may well be the case! I hope not; but given the current situation, it's quite likely :(
Of course they will warn you about trying to be overpaid - but if you don't get another job, you won't be overpaid, you'll be paid the correct amount for someone out of work!

But in the meantime, yes look for more work and I hope you are successful in finding a job. As to what you do re. a reference, I still think you should attempt to get one from your previous employer, rather than go without completely. You could put that your most recent employer is unavailable for reference purposes - this could be taken that he is dead, among other things (fled the country, in prison etc etc) - but you'd still be better off having a previous ref than none.

I do have all previous references, but they are from 15 years ago and older! I will attach the latest one, I suppose?

Best not to apply, I reckon, but to try and find a job asap.

No don't do that. It's not long until the next tax year so just assume nothing between 1 Dec and then. You've got enough to be worrying about.

Do I have to accept any job that is offered or can I choose?

OH MY GOOOD I have to wash my hair dye off - BUT BUT BUT HE WANTS RECONCILIATION NOOOOOOOOOOO

What if you are overpaid?

Of course they'll tell you it's best not to, but it's best for them.
If you were overpaid, you'd have to return it, so just don't spend it all. Regardless, you'd get a repayment plan if you showed you couldn't pay more than X per Y time.

Do apply and underestimate your earnings.

Oh, the old reconciliation message.
Did he say you were forgiven too?

Good idea, thank you Lweji, just recovering from the latest email.

HE WANTS RECONCILIATION HE WANTS RECONCILIATION [PANIC EMOTICON]

No, I am actually not forgiven. [scared]

What?? How???? In what form does he want reconciliation?

HE WANTS US TO LIVE TOGETHER AGAIN I will stop shouting now. Sorry.

Because he knows his number is up and he is a deluded man.

I got one from exH too.

Oh thank you Lweji, what did you say to him. To completely tell him to f* off? What will work, I mean, I had him evicted out of the house and I would do it again.

I can see it from his pov, he's depressed, lonely and misses torturing you in person.

Karen just because he wants it, does not make it so!

Have wine

Yeah, had some grey hair coming through which depresses DD. It's all the aggravation. It's turned out ok, actually, although I did it in a rush and after reading his email.

Twinkle

Twinkle is right - he's fed up living in a hotel and torturing you. I know! i'll 'take her back' and then at least I'll be comfortable whilst I torture her, and terrify the dc. And it'll be cheaper too.

I really get why you are panicking karen. Just the thought.....