Dating Thread 82

[steelchic]

Psssst Daters over here !!
Come share your stories good and bad

The date cancelled on me tonight. Seems sorry enough, but I won't be asking him again. If he wants to rearrange, it's up to him now. Probably a good thing to be honest, I've had a bad headache/ not so bad migraine all day, so I wouldn't be much company anyway.

Hissy I like your timetable of a relationship.

I've been seeing TT for near on 2 months now and we are at the stage you described...still dating but tonight (the first time I've seen him thru week n major step for him) he cooked me dinner n we watched a film but up until then our dates have largely been getting drunk/having sex.

Oooh I'm starting to fall tho.....

@BreakOut - Yeah I always think it should be up to the person that cancelled to rearrange a date, and if they don't then they aren't worth worrying about.

no one can do this for us. self esteem is all about the self.

by carrying on patting heads and saying there there, nothing changes only worsens.

we can sypmathise, but unless we ask uncomfortable questions like 'what is in the relationship for you' and "why do you let him do this over and over' nothing will ever change except the self esteem plummets.

only when the person is ready will they see their situation.

we have to ask why we're dating/in a relationship. because we are happy with that person or not being alone 'makes us not a failure'

too many are only dating to feel better about themselves, rather than working out what they have to give to another person/relationship and what they expect in return.

dating, especially old, is a kick in the self esteems nuts, not a way of validating ourselves. only we can decide we're worth more.

when we know our own worth, we are on the way to getting it.

someone on the telly was talking about love, and how the expression falling in love is exaclty that.

we need to show vulnerability, which is what scares some.

be brave, be cautious, be trustful, be smart. gently, and slowly does it.

you are developing feelings.

those feelings are what grow into love.

heady cocktail there though, so just little by little eh?

enjoy it all! xx

Such wise words Hissy and taken on board

Oh no Don't hope you ok, try not to stress over Blondegeeky, I reckon he'll be back.

Why do we do this to ourselves eh? I ask myself this question every day

PinkLaydee I do it because it's lonely not to have someone. Because I've spent the last 7 years coping and being fine by myself, putting family first, and telling everyone I'm happy that I'm independant. Which I am- it will take a great man to make me commit and change my life. But I've spent too many years now not having someone to tell me they love me. Too many years where something horrible happens, and I don't have anyone to listen to me, to cuddle me, or even to ask 'are you OK?' and make me a cup of tea.

just read a stop the clock article on relationship!

read this: www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11?IR=T

I have a date tonight , but I'm not sure about it.
We have known each other for over a year ie texting ext, we both dated other people in this time but got chatting again recently.

He nice enough , but looks very young and seems to want to spend every night in.
I want more than that , I spend a lot of time Sat at home watching telly as , no one wants to go out or they all loved up.
I'm also concerned that he looks so young , which is petty I know.

Yes I know what you mean Break, it's just nice to be not just loved and desired but cared about too.

Interesting article Hissy.

Rioux yes I'd rather be alone than settle....that's why I've had about 50 dates in the 2 years I've been single

Having a bad morning of missing x today. Which is to be expected. Everytime the text alert goes I am hoping it is him.
But have arranged a few evenings in with friends next week. Hoping at least one of them might give me a bit of a hug.

Mink Ask for one! When someone asks how you are, instead of giving them the polite 'I'm fine' lie, just say, I could do with a good hug please. They're friends, they will be more than willing.

The date canceller was really apologetic about last night, and has suggested a day for next week. So, coffee next Friday, but it seems ages away. I want to meet him now! I don't like texting people I haven't met, it seems so hard to get to know them that way.

mylifeagain - I do give her support and I'm not really judging.

However she is a new friend (of 2 years) and a friend of a friend so we're not close... She however seems to want to get quite close to me, for socialising etc which is great...

She's the one who's told me all this about this man, she's not happy etc... yet she's reeled back in by him every time. I mean like I say, he seems nice, not the evil wolf she's painted him as... But he has treated her badly really for 7 years!

I think her other friend is fed up with it too (but her words fall on deaf ears so she supports).

I'll just be there for her... I guess I'm a bit pissed off because she was free last week/earlier this week and he comes along and bang she's there.... spoilt brat syndrome

hmm Break shades of deja vu here.. (my last date, PerfectOnPaper)

I hate texting too. hurts my eyes and you get no intimacy/sense of what they're about.

Can anyone give me more ideas - Kent Lad texted last night to say he wasn't sure if he could make drinks this Friday (his suggestion) as he was/would be skint....

Got a nice text off the other guy (he looks like Jamie Theakston apparently) so lets called him Jamie T double saying he'd been manic, I said for him to let me know when he was free (I'm always doing this but he is mega keen and he's the one with the childcare arrangements).

Should I knock him on the head though? I don't like how he kisses etc...

I feel really limp and not up to being proactive yet I'm not happy at all with the 2 above. GAH

Hissy This guy isn't my kind of MrPerfect, I barely know him and haven't really spoken to him! I went against my own rules on my last date last week, and had lengthy messaging before hand, getting to know him, so I was pissed off when there was no chemistry. This week, I have gone back to how it should be and arranged the meeting quickly.

I'm shallow, I arranged this meeting because he is taller than me and has a nice smile

No, Break I meant the cancellation, not the perfect on paper bit, that was my last date.. YANBU as far as I can see, good idea to keep your powder dry until you meet - he cancelled, let him make the arrangements, which he has done, and take everything as it comes.

French men are apparently very distinctive in their outlook to relationships and dating. I have seen a blog dateafrenchman.blogspot.co.uk which is a hoot.

He's never been out with a british woman either... I'm sure we are very different to French women too. I have already told him to chill out a bit until we meet, as it's going to be a couple of weeks and even skype isn't going to be a decent substitute for actual face to face contact.

I dunno, is this a huge waste of time? am I mad for considering this/bothering?

Hissy I think it depends what you are looking for from it. Are you after a serious, committed relationship, where you can see a future of living together, possibly marriage and children? If you are, then I think you are barking up the wrong tree. It's one thing to meet someone, have a connection then find out they live elsewhere, quite another to approach it knowing it's long distance.

On the other hand, if it's something you feel you would like, this could be a great fling or short term relationship. You could go into it as a great ego boost, knowing that you are keeping your eyes open for soething else, and take all the benefits from it.

I'm off to go read that link!

Hissy I have an assignment due in, and now I have to sit and read all that blog. Thanks for that.

i'm 46, so no more kids on the horizon. yes I would like to be partnered and perhaps married again, but only because I want to be in a committed relationship. It's not a deal breaker. I just want to be happy and with someone that is happy with me.

At the moment I am treating this as fun, but if there is a meeting of minds, i've travelled/lived abroad, so has he... i'm not ever going to rule out moving home/relocating, I just have to find the right place. I considered Portugal over the summer, but wages there are so low it's not sustainable sadly. I would have to found my own business or work for someone in the UK online with the odd meeting etc in the UK. That would be my ideal to be honest.

So where I live isn't cast in stone, i have no family (I'm a stately homer, they can all FTFO tbh and that's fine) it's just that having lived abroad, I know there are more boxes to tick, and the questions to ask are different. I am multilingual, speaking french is piss easy tbh, and my DS is blessed with the same facility for languages.

So not as crazy as it would seem, from my point of view.

I'll remain calm/cool until we meet. Wait until the 'problem' IS a problem, i.e. that we want to be together and aren't.

Hissy - that French blog looks a hoot.

But I will say they are characters...

years ago I met a French journalist - he told me straight off (I think he was from Paris) "French, especially men are arrogant", and he acted like he was the biggest catch on earth (he wasn't), we almost got round to DTD (think naked etc...) but for some reason he wasn't that into me etc... I can't think of how it ended but I wasn't devastated.

A few years before when I was 25 I'd met a French chef from Champagne region who was living and working in London. Super cute, romantic etc - wanted me to move in with him after 7-8 months etc but I think he was 23, he also worked nights sometimes etc (French pastry chef) and I was in my clubbing/flirting stage and I cheated on him... - I never do that, seriously! even after I'd said it was because I was dating the guy I'd cheated on him with he still said "We can work it out and I love you!" - bless.

But he'd made little to no effort to learn English - I'm pretty fluent in French so not a problem but also I couldn't see myself living with him and could see I'd either be cooking/cleaning/waiting for him to be around after his nightwork so those were reasons why I felt I had to end it!

It ended really sadly won't mention here, I may have done... he was such a sweet man, just wrong time and wrong man/situation for me.