Dating Thread 82

[steelchic]

Psssst Daters over here !!
Come share your stories good and bad

dont Sorry you are feeling bad today. Personally I would let him get in touch to get his Ipad.

don't don't it will cost you a fortune and if it gets damaged en route it'll be your fault.

he's chosen to take the coward's way out, which is really despicable. if he wants his iPad, let him contact you to get it.

seriously. to send it back would be to lower yourself. Hold your head high. You may have screwed up, he chickened out of dealing with it like an adult.

Also I screwed up, but after a blissful 3 months he could have cut me some slack.

dont but deal you got pissed said a few stupid things and he bailed out. Really do you want to be in a relationship with someone so spineless? Sorry having a ranty day.
Expecting a call later from what shall I call him Mr Tor, think I have suspicions he is not being entirely honest on his profile, maybe I am just getting paranoid.

meant big deal not but

Thanks hissy
there is some black comedy in my occupation (programmer). the word closure crops up frequently in programming and every time I see it I think closure. I have NONE.

But yeah generally I am keeping my head up. in the long run this may have made him a lot easier to get over. and I have good friends in RL and people to chat to from previous pof encounters when i just fancy a bit of banter.
an ex has offered to come round to 'be there'. it definitely won't go anywhere daft so I think he might be a safe shoulder to cry on. (he is volunteering I didn't ask and I haven't actually told him what is up)

and don't I agree. he will probably get in touch in a few weeks once the dust has settled to ask for it back and then you can meet up and get some closure.
go nc for the time being.

Lack of closure/inexplicable behaviour is so hard to get over. When I got blown out by RockGod, it came as such a shock I think it made me get ill the next day, i had no idea people could say one thing one minute and then be such arseholes the next.

This MrPerfectonPaper was painful, but his loss tbh, if he were ready it could have been interesting. that said, he's no adonis soo it would have been a case of loving hm for who he was etc. he was an idiot not to want to date me, but that's fine and better I discovered it now than later on.

A momentary frisson of excitement when MrFrancais said he'd tabled a meeting in the UK for Wednesday... only to hear back an hour or so later that the people he needs to see are OFF and the meeting's not possible.

I do have BA points... could get myself a reward flight to Paree for £45... but ain't going to do that just yet... will keep that one in my back pocket for now...

for anyone who wants an update on me and Kent Lad...

well I met him last night we had a nice evening at Tower of London poppies and drinks however he was hungover and tired so my loaded Q (re kids) never came about... I don't know really whether I want right now to be with him as he wants the support etc re him being nervous about a relationship (he was more or less single for 7 years but dated during that time) and I think the answer to my loaded Q above which I'm sure will be a NO from him will make me end the relationship. Make sense so far?!

The other guy with the 2 year old - well no text since Sunday night - I think I will test the water re texting him to ask how he is but really no attraction etc maybe I should let it go??

Hissy it is strange and hurtful re lack of closure/inexplicable behaviour isn't it? Do women do the same thing or is a man thing?

Personally I think we don't do this so much but I could be wrong.

dont - sorry to say again but really I think he is a coward, yeah you got pissed etc but its nothing he can't get over. imagine if anything else happened? and yes he can collect his iPad himself why should you be put to bother/expense returning it?

super it all sounds a bit complicated. any other prospects on the horizon?

and hissy perhaps he will reschedule? why am i hearing tabled a meeting and reschedule as innuendo

mink no more prospects - 2 potential guys I've seen or may see around the area but they're big ifs and I was stupid not getting their proper details first time round.

I just know with these 2, 1 likes me a lot (Kent Lad) but there are a few stumbling blocks. If he said he would have kids with me... I'd probably go with him to be honest. but I should really be honest with myself and not expect changes which aren't happening now etc.

super why are you sure it will be a no from him?

mink he already has a 14 year old DS, and he said no this summer (early summer) changing his mind and going back on saying yes before.

his reasons for me are the tiredness etc and for me if he knows I want this one thing (a child) can't he be more accommodating (I know it's a big deal etc). He's more than happy to move with me (he suggested this for his son) to USA when his son turns 18 for college/sport education reasons... and he wants to marry me too, he just seems rigid and for me it is this one reason. If not bio I'd adopt.

I know I may seem like I'm throwing my toys out of the pram but if I don't do it now I'll lose time.

I'm another one who has been disappeared on recently.

I'm a little gutted to say the least... We'd been "seeing" each other for two months.

What is wrong with these people? I wouldn't dream of doing this, even though a conversation would have been difficult.

have been invited over, you can stay in my home...

I said that as a first date it's a bit too much, and that for us both it's better if we wait until there's space for safety. he's looking at 1st week of Dec for rescheduled meeting.

I said to save my points for a weekend... he thought that was a very good idea... at this time of year, I just can't afford flights and hotel.

keep your eyes out for a groupon eh?

I have spoken about timetables of relationship before, not sure if it was on here though.

Hurdles:

Date 1 - getting a 1st date - tricky
Date 2 - getting 2nd date - harder than a first date
Dates 3-5ish - we know the deal

Then it goes in weeks/months:
1 month - have probably dtd or about to - still casual dating - maybe exclusive conversation is had

3 months - Settles into a routine, stays over more

6 months - more serious - friends/family, gentle intro to kids

1 year - solid relationship, beginning to look forward to future plans

2 years - arguing about what to have for dinner and who's turn it is to put the bins out/let cat in.

Hissy see that's the thing with Kent Lad at least - Dates 3-5 were great... and we DTD before that (gets it out of the way) - we were also exclusive then too.

Then the routine was there but he always had a big if about anyone (not just me) staying over. He met my family not friends but we were going to do friends after 3 months, I think he met family after 2-3 months (brother and SIL). A year on/off with some serious glitches/blips and he wants to get serious but...

The other guy I can take or leave he's nice enough but I don't fancy him enough or want to invest in him... isn't that always the way?!

And just now when I start planning a girls night out (to flirt etc) a friend (not close) emails me to say she's off for romantic weekend with her man - but I know he's on/off, uses her, flakey yet she puts up with it. For 7 years. At least I'm not in that headspace (no criticism of her just I couldn't do it).

Super Who the fuck would want to bother with someone so emotionally stingy/weird as to not want to have people stay over - that's only ever going to get worse as a man turns into an old git man.

you are better off without having a bloke like this friends - she will end up being hurt eventually as he finally gets his act together and cheats on her

Regards

"...a friend (not close) emails me to say she's off for romantic weekend with her man - but I know he's on/off, uses her, flakey yet she puts up with it. For 7 years."

Many Some people seem quite happy to live this way.

Hissy he makes excuses as it's his house that's so messy etc... and he's lazy and that's not an excuse well it is... but he really is lazy. I think I'll knock him on the head too!

Did your 2nd para refer to me or my friend Hissy?!

MadeMan - see that's the thing - this friend of mine (of about 2 years) she's whinged about her boyfriend now to me on and off... I only met him this month but she's complained to me that he didn't want to have kids or stalled on it, stays over when he wants but won't move in, he left her at a festival in London during the summer (daytime festival) just left they had a bit of a row and she was very upset over that.

I met him about 2 weeks and to be honest he wasn't the monster she made him out to be... but he seemed to be happy to come back to hers after a night out and the 2nd time we met up he came along (invited by her) but again... towards the end of the evening and seemed content to meet her at her place... now call me a doubting Thomas but to me it just seemed like, "oh sex is on the cards for me" - and of course when it's going well she buys it...

Her very good friend of 30 years doesn't think much of him either I do think he's perfectly nice but it's her life and I think he has her on a string eg she comes when she calls. If she wasn't saying anything I'd butt out!

but seems like I'm single again if I end both of my no-goers! ah well

Hissy I just saw 2nd para relates to my friend - do you think more of it following my other post...

Its weird I do sometimes (me included) see women (and men) who are so happy to be in a relationship that anything goes... and then once they find things wrong or someone cheats (happened to a neighbour of mine, start of this year) they're upset...

it's about her piss poor self worth, no-one's going to give a shit about her until shje does.

he is just in it for the home win. she's a fool tbh. she'll end up either childless after he wastes her time, or a dumped and struggling LP, begging him to give a shit about her babies.

you at least can see that being alone is better than that.

Hissy actually you're right she works from home and often tells me she'd like a job like mine in an office. She's got a grown up DS who to be honest has his own life.

She does let herself be treated badly I'd never stand for it!

Hissy, super you could be describing me there. I work from home, I have let the last guy and more before him treat me badly.I can easily cope without a man but yes my self esteem is rock bottom and I've only just realised! Now seeking help but perhaps it'd help her to give her support instead of judging?