Dating Thread 82

[steelchic]

Psssst Daters over here !!
Come share your stories good and bad

Jesy I think a mates thing would be excellent to get you out and whatever happens in real life etc would be a bonus.

super is it worth asking him about tge joke thing? Sounds like nerves?

Good points self I think its also important to go with gut feelings, if a man/Women you date is making you feel that something is not right then listen to instincts.

I do think that if you have chemistry then having sex is a good idea to see if your compatible but I wouldn't judge too soon because dtd first time will be either great or not quite hitting the mark, will take time to get comfortable enough to get the sex you want.
mink Sorry to hear your dealing with being dumped, with guy I'm dating my fear Is allowing myself to develop feelings and getting hurt, normally I sabotage early on if I get anxious. I am terrified of rejection.

jesy You deserve to be happy so go with it and getting out will be a good distraction.

Super

I've said I'll pop along tonight, it's quiz night but he say he not that involved .
It can't hurt x

Self - ok let me rephrase that about finding someone attractive - there has to be one element you find attractive eg their personality, looks etc. if that doesn't kick in by eg date 3 and you then find them irritating

superflyhigh

yes - I'd agree with that. I think anything actively unattractive/irritating is not worth persevering with. I don't think even excusing it on a social nerves basis helps really because if you were dating them, then you'd see it again when they were nervous at parties etc.

If stuff makes you cringe, it makes you cringe.

I've given up dating I think. As I'm now only doing Real life dating and I never meet anyone single. Well anyone single who I like.

Thanks gotta. Early on I kept thinking it would go wrong but just when I was having doubts he would work it out and allay my fears by saying something before I had to. So I let myself get comfortable, then circumstances outside our control took over... he decided he couldn't give enough to the rs and that it was not fair to me...and here I am on my own again. Me and my individual fruit trifle.
Had actually decided to give up on the OLD and dating in general when I met him but thought I'd give it this one last shot. Cannot help wishing I hadn't. If he had been rubbish it would be less of a kicker. Rubbish means there is something to get angry about and/or some relief and humour when it is done.

self Real life dating is best because if you meet at work you get to see that person interacting with others and get a good sense of the person, I met my ex husband through work but now a single mum/ Carer I get very limited time to meet single men in the real world. I do go out on the town once a month but bars and pubs no better. For me OLD was the only option but I would rather have fate be involved.

I am happy to say I have closed my pof account while dating Mr Young and he said he would do the same, my sis thinks I should check to see if he has. I don't want to get anxious about that.

Very early part of dating and I am trying to take it in my stride. First relationship since my 13 year long relationship ended a year ago, very scary and I don't want my ex to find out incase he gets weird, new man is 9 years younger so I would get some comments.

mink - I did ask him about the joke thing and he toned it down a bit and relaxed....

but his kissing style is totally different to what I like, am used to. It isn't totally a turn off but I kept thinking if you kissed me like 'this' then it'd be better. he is very keen. I'm not sure if I should show him how I like to be kissed. In a sense I wish I could just DTD with him but seeing how little I see him when do I do this?!

Rubbish kissing is a bigger issue
Unfortunately I would probably deal with it by being jokey

Mink your doubts, were they warranted like signs that things were not right with relationship.
I find it hard to get comfortable and have almost broke off dating Mr Young twice due to my own insecurities like having kids and he being 9 yrs younger.

I try to believe that what will be will be and finding love is not a thing we can control, I lived in a loveless marriage for the last 4 years and felt unloved, unattractive and alone even when I had a husband. Took me six months to get my confidence back and when I get lonely and feel like I failed in love I have to remind myself that alone I got my confidence back. You will need to build up your confidence and now your worth so and deserve to be with a man who makes you feel good and secure. I prefer chocolate and red wine when I'm sad or I put on some loud music and work out like a crazy woman.

mink - sorry I seem to have not read your posts... but I will...

regarding the rubbish kissing it just seems like... no it's not doing it for me. Its not even like he's young/inexperienced etc because he isn't... I think I'll just have to ditch him because sadly he's not the one for me.

Then again Kent Lad is a no go really too...

I have monday morning dating blues.
Talking to a guy who lives 10 mins away. Getting on well until he emails photo of him in fancy dress & message asking if Ill be his fuck Buddy.

Still in contact with 20/20. He's AWESOME but so very veeeerrrrry slooooow.

Mr Beard is like an over excited puppy, at first said he wanted nsa but now wants a relationship. We have been texting for a week. He's 10yrs younger than me

A bit ott, but Ill put that down to his age

Anyone have any dates Lined up for this wk?

Imno Can I join you in Monday dating blues. Just don't seem to be getting anywhere right now, just fed up. Sorry for the moan. Have had a few messages over weekend but no one I fancy.

imnot How young, is he in his twenties or thirties. Some older men can be over the top. A relationship after a week of messaging must mean he likes you alot.

gotta no not really. I had previously been an a lt EA relationship and then the one after took the piss so my boundaries and responses are all a bit skewed and I expect the worst. If things bother me I find it hard to say anything as I expect an aggressive response.
The rs was fundamentally ok. He's a good guy. He would work out himself without me having to pluck up the courage if there was something that might turn into an issue. Just life got in the way.

annie - I've reported you as I think it's spam or you're affiliated with that website, you've mentioned it twice here and once (so far that I can see) on another post.

mink I feel like I lost alot of myself from my Last lt rs, friends and family have commented that I am more like my old self now out of it. I stopped rocking the boat because my ex would shout and drown me out.
We adapt to a bad situation if we feel we have no options.

gotta sorry you to had a shit experience. Tbh I am surprised at how long it has taken me to get back and I still keep finding 'bruises', areas that I have issues around that I never did before. One of them being finding it difficult to say what I want and instead always trying to guess what they want or what won't upset someone or hurt their feelings. Until eventually I get quite annoyed about my needs being ignored and turn PA (because in previous rs the only way to sort anything out was to start a full out row).
So, I was trying to note my feelings and not turn PA over recent rs issues (not spending enough time together) then I carefully said something yesterday, and got dumped not in an angry way but in a you're right I am making you unhappy and its not fair. So now I am back to thinking I should have kept my mouth shut, even though really Iknow this is not right.

Skype date rearranged for tonight, bugger, will have to do hair AGAIN! unless by some miracle it's still swishy and sexy

Have Mad irishman from Dublin, and a SA guy (in the UK) on whatsapp. s'all good, probably won't result in anything, but it's a laugh

And since then there have been some glimmers of hope that we might eventually sort things out. He is going through a very turbulent time. Has become a bit depressed and deals with it by shutting down. But it was always a very PT rs because we live in different towns he works 6 or 7 days a week has a lot of other stuff going on and I have 2 dcs at home so cannot get out much. So most we could ever see each other was once or twice a week and that probably suited me fine.
We plan to stay friends. There has been some mention of possible benefits. I keep thinking that if he can get past his current issues it miggt all seem different on the other side.

But I don't know if I will just be repeating the familiar on off dynamic of previous rs. (X used to dump me the second I stepped out of line only to make up again anything from a week to a month later)

hissy about sexy swishy hair.

I have to practice my tinkly laugh, head swishing and tilting, all while disguising double chin.

This shit is HARD to do....

It is. That is why I cannot do skype dates. My chin is too big. I am fine with that as long as I can't see it.