He was on the dating site, and was apparently looking for his soul mate, everything seemed above board, we swapped numbers etc, spoke for a few hours over a couple of days, texts etc. Then I suggested a meet - a friend spontaneously offered to have DS for a night so I asked if he wanted to meet up. he agreed. 4 hours before the date he texted me saying something had come up, that he genuinely needed to cancel. he went on to say that he was sorry and thinking about it he should have known better as he has this thing to deal with (it is real) and needs to focus on that. he deleted his profile then.
i felt that he was using the thing as an excuse and my instinct was that as a result of the DV, he had bottled it. I left communications for a couple of days, but given the shared history, the stupid amounts of things (big and little) we had in common, felt that it was worth another shot, given that I felt he had bottled it, rather than CBA to see me.
Texts continued, he emailed me about jobs going at his place, eventually he suggested he was free last Monday. Texts were cooler than they had been and going into the weekend I wasn't convinced he would go through with the meet up.
So I replied to something , saying I was off to visit friends away and if I didn't speak to him before Monday to have a nice weekend.
From that point onwards texts warmed up, they were chatty, frequent and definitely not just friendly. On the saturday night, when he realised I was at home, he asked to call me. we spoke for over 3 hours, he called me sweetheart, and the subject matter was not platonic - not overt - but beginning to acknowledge intimacy and attraction, after the call I sent a text that was obviously on a relationship tip, and he responded in Kind. Sunday continued at the same pace, Monday too, to an extent, as I was out and about with friends.
We met, he admired me, we sat together, the looks etc, he picked me up, I drank, we ate, he dropped me back.
I asked him if it was OK to kiss him. He said no. But not to read anything into it, he wanted to take things slowly. we hugged, there was a peck, from each to both, and he said he'd text me when he got home. He did. He texted me in the morning. Then at lunchtime he sent me the text to say Let's be Friends like we agreed before we met.
I didn't misunderstand a thing, did i?
Understandably I didn't want to be 'just friends' even though before we met I did say that it might be a possibility. Last night he told me I had a choice, but I felt the choice would be a case of me choosing HIS needs over mine, and that is a one way ticket to kicking my own arse.
I should have listened to my own inner voice and not overruled what I felt. it was the co-dependency thing that bit I think, and that need to be needed/help/save...
I know I've been an idiot somehow, BUT this was due to the ridiculous amount of stuff we had in common primarily. It could have been great, but he is not ready and that is that. It's a non starter.
Even if he WERE to come back, i'd struggle now. So that's it. no friend, no lover, no nothing as far as he's concerned.
Drawing board. Square one.