Oh I hear ya JuJu - my whole life i was told I was fat, not good enough and looking back at the photos, there was no difference between me and my sister.
there is now, because you become what you are told you are... I just have to find the strength to break that thinking.
My mother stood by and said nothing to my dad when he was criticising me. she has stood by too when my ex was abusive, in fact no, that's a lie, she ran for the ffing hills if I was having even so much as a bad day. What kind of parent does that? I will fly at anyone who insults my son, have no fear of any one where that is concerned. Even his father (abusive ex) knows better than to even comment on DS haircut...
Breaking free from parental programming when dysfunctional is flipping hard, it takes real effort. A salient point to remind ourselves when talking with our children.
"the voice you use to your children is what will become their inner voice"
i too felt 'lower' than my ex, and that's the way he wanted. except there was no lowest level for him, grinding my soul into the dust was not enough. Mumsnet got my eyes open and his arse out the door.
I've been fighting to be stronger (therapy/freedom prog/support groups and a LOT on MNing) over the last 4 years. I'm the strongest I have ever been mentally and psychologically.
I have this date on Monday. i am overweight (18 ish) i am somewhat concerned that he will take one look and hate me, but I am hopeful that he is not as shallow as that and - for our similarities - he will see me for me. I think he will. I just have to have that faith in myself. He too is cuddly, so it ought to be OK!
If however he rejects me cos my arse is a bit lardy, then he's not the kind of guy that would be right for anyone as that is too shallow.