New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

Just sneaking on while I can to say a huge thank you

Inlect that made me laugh thank you

Limb, gosh well done you for it only being a short relationship, as mad as that may sound, only those touched by domestic abuse understand the insidious nature of it all, and it goes on far too long for the majority

Great, brilliant tips and support from everyone!

I'm in bed. H got in about an hour ago and just threw a bit of a strop again when I said I was off. Possibly the wrong thing to do, but I just said, I'm tired, I'm off, I'm not going to have my bedtime dictated thank you' and just left

I'm back in that mixed up mode of knowing the end is nigh, knowing he's got it coming to him again, knowing not to rock the boat and not to alert him to anything, while at the same time feeling deep down that the right thing always to do is be honest, battling those feelings whilst also being painfully aware that the worst thing to do would be to lead him on....

Actually I think in simplified terms it's called having a conscience!

Anyway, momentous day over, I don't think Rottie is aware of my crush or me chatting about her on the Internet haha, she was just doing her job!

De-lurking to say excellent news! And don't forget to disable the find my iPad or iPhone apps if you have them :-)

Glad to read all your progress

There is a time and a place for honesty. This is not it.

Make sure you pack anything that is precious to the children (toys, books, keepsakes) when you go as well as your documents and photos.

Sassy and Mitzi make very good points about safety and anticipating how he may react.

He is going to see all of this as a move in a chess game that he has every hope of winning. You are not out of the woods yet, but at least now you have a good sol working for you the pace has picked up.

I am a bit concerned about what your sol said wrt H getting a place of his own and access to the children. Have you and she discussed this?

Put your conscience in a box for now names. Look at it this way, when it's all over, feel free to apologize to Twatty for 'deceiving him' if you feel it necessary. But I'll clop you on the head with a beanbag if you do!!!

You are doing what you are doing, not to deceive him, but to keep as much peace in the house as possible with an end in sight. Certainly nothing wrong with that!

Have just written huge post about why you shouldn't have a conscience and stupid phone lost it. But basically what it boils down to is; he's had his warning, he got served divorce papers from a solicitor at work! What the feck does he think is gonna happen? They'll just go away coz he's moved straight back in to the martial home, forced himself on you and then gone into smarm mode to try and get you back under control.

He deserves it all, and you can put your conscience away in a drawer for now.

Take all the wonderful tips and hints on how to stay safe make sure your dad is clear on the rules ( would a letter from rottie to them explaining their role for next few weeks be a good idea? She might be a woman but she's a solicitor and I bet your dad will do what a professional like that tells him.

Good luck only 2 more get ups. X

Ah name - put your 'conscience' in the same place his is!

KOKO.

Morning, Name. Point your conscience at your children and keep it on tight beam! Hope you had a good night. What is it they say? Only 2 more sleeps..... Hooray.

Oh morning everyone thank you, honestly you are all keeping me on the right track. Totally agree Jux, my conscience should be about the girls and is now.

I think because it was a big day yesterday, and stuff's happening again, I felt newly aware of H when he came in last night. But like I've said, I've been here before with the serving of papers and I survived, so I'll be ok this time too.

Mathanxiety we discussed that he is more than capable of affording somewhere else to live as he's already demonstrated this by living seperately from us from Feb to Aug. he also has his brother where he can stay temporarily until he sorts himself out somewhere. It sounds harsh but I think she's just saying it straight - the marriage is over, you're going to need to get yourself somewhere to live, you're able, do it now and then things can be sorted out.

She said it because she's anticipating him coming back to her wailing 'what about my beloved, precious kids'

I think he'll also have real second thoughts about threats of walking out of his job, if he really was considering it anyway which I doubt like everyone has said here.

he was having a laugh with the kids this morning but made a dig about me going to bed again as he had things he needed to talk to me about.

Did I say Rottie has proceeded with decree nisi as well. Unfortunately, Sol 1 has logged it for me at the worst court possible for quick responses, everything takes around 4 weeks like my papers being ready, so that will be how long decree nisi takes as well. Rottie was like why the hell did she log it there? There are better choices around here and unfortunately I'm stuck there now. You can't switch courts.

Also, he has demonstrated there is enough money to live separately if he is able to afford his sister's rent!

Oh yeah haha! Thanks FB

Hi Name just caught up with your latest developments - well done in getting things moved forwards and onwards. You (and Rottie) are doing a brilliant job. Keep posting about TwatChops' weird nutty crap, as it all goes towards your argument for divorce. He is a right weirdo, I reckon, much like my crazy parents .

Pom poms and to you Name. Everyone needs a Rottie in their corner. Can't wait for Friday's update .

Ahh thanks Zazzles

I've just updated my police officer on what's happening and have cc'd in my Victim Support lady too. I've told them I will be back at the house on Monday 3rd Nov after going away this Friday - so I'm guessing the police won't need to speak to him now unless he breaches Rottie's instructions in her letter? I said that in my email anyway - so I'll see what they say.

Hi Name Thanx for asking. Op is on Monday. Eight weeks from diagnosis to op. Worst 8 weeks of my life. Lost 8 kilos so not all bad! He's lovely, genuinely, you deserve someone like him. I can't wait for it all to be done with.

Even if it does take 4 weeks for the nisi, that's still a lot LESS time than you've had to deal with Twatty so far.

Does Twatty know when you expect to be home from hols? Do you think it may be advisable to get home a day earlier or a day later? Would he be stupid enough to violate a non-mol order and sit and wait for you to get home in order to 'talk some sense' into you? Not that I think you would be in danger, just worry about a 'scene' in front your DCs.

If you were to get home a day or so early, you could probably schedule a locksmith and get the locks changed before he (possibly) realizes you're home.

Of course, this is all assuming he vacates the home well before the hols end. Is there a date to vacate on the paperwork?

The notification of the nisi took several weeks to come through (fast court system in these parts) and even then it was weeks later before it was read. It doesn't matter as long as the divorce is lodged.

Also being divorced in a shitty court - but guess whose fault that is ?

Good luck name.

Be careful .

Good luck, be careful, take all the precious stuff and papers. (I wouldn't trust him not to trash stuff, either.)

Blocking numbers -

On Android phones it's:
Phone - Call Settings - Call rejection - Auto Reject List
Messaging - Settings - Add to spam numbers (you'll need Spam settings turned on, too.)

iPhone is:
Settings - Phone - Blocked
Messaging - - Contact - Info - Block this caller

Windows phone is:
Settings - Call+SMS Filter - Blocked numbers

For any other phone, google "block contact "

Hi, Morning, thanks everyone

Thanks for the blocking tips Ebear, only thing is, which I'm not comfortable with but it's gotta be done unfortunately, is that I will need to show if he is calling and texting me after he receives Rottie's letter so I would be advised not to block him for now. I don't need to speak to him, but I would need to let my phone store all his attempts at contact.

I do have a payg phone as well though, so I think I'll use that and just leave my phone on silent somewhere where I can't see or hear it for a while.

Thanks wwk

Thanks Pond - no twatson doesn't even know we're going to be going anywhere, let alone any details of when we're likely to be back, or even when the girls are back at school. Had not such a good morning this morning, he was asking when half term is and wants to book it off. The thing is because he hasn't signed his damn contract, any time he takes off is unpaid so I reminded him of this and of course we ended up in a heated discussion 'why am I trying to stop him taking time off, am I planning something, am I up to something?'

So I just said No, no!! Just don't want to lose a weeks pay as we're not prepared for it...backtracking furiously as was thrown by his suspicious comments.

I've updated the police to let them know what I'm doing.

I'm going to have to be super friendly and talk about money worries for Christmas or something when he phones later to grill me further on what I'm up to

Dinnae I'm so glad it's Monday love - just get it all out the way finally, bless him

Thanks everyone - nervous today!!

NameP: Just one thing, have you and/or rotty asked sol1 to cease acting for you now?

Haha thanks Lemony, yes Rottie has my full file from sol 1 and told her she has been instructed by me to take over my divorce matters, so yeah thank goodness for that - I don't know where I'd be now if I had stayed with her!

oh Name - do be careful...he's obviously going to keep (an even) closer eye on you now after his comments this morning. Good idea about stating you have money worries - it also makes it sound like you are planning for the future yes, one without you twatchops

I wondered if sol1 had lodged your papers after you'd gone to rotty.... Glad to hear she hasn't - but then again, maybe not....