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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

999 replies

thenamehaschanged · 19/10/2014 18:40

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

OP posts:
Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 16:21

She was up for going straight for non mol but considering he isn't beating me up at the present time, non mols don't keep him out of the house, occ orders do and because he isn't violent, then I would need to go and have a break down at the GP's office to secure an occ order, they're hard to get - so that's why her letter is going to be pretty weighty.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 21/10/2014 16:25

I've been waiting for this update.

I know I don't post often on your threads (because I can't begin to relate to what you're going through) but I follow you with my heart in my mouth. I do want everything to happen for you sooner rather than later. Wine Thanks

FantasticButtocks · 21/10/2014 16:32

you are only to contact your wife through Rottie He is going to have real trouble with that one for a start. All the calls he makes to you throughout each day, relentlessly texting & calling, keeping tabs, issuing instructions, all the begging he did last time, the pleading, the badgering, the bullying... What on earth is he going to do with himself when he can't use you for sport? Well done and three cheers for Rottie Wine

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 16:37

Thanks Garlic and Joy!

Forgot as well she said 'will the first thing he hits back with be the kids and how much he loves them?' And I said Oh Yes!! So she's also going to say that he's to let her know when he's got somewhere appropriate to live so that her and him can discuss access!!!

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Plonkysaurus · 21/10/2014 16:38

Delurking to cheer you on again, name. FB has it spot on - what will he do? My guess is he'll do something that could well be labelled harassment and weaken his own position further.

Perhaps switch your phone off for a few days if possible? You could get a second sim card, PAYG with a small amount of credit and give that number to a handful of important people - Rottie, PO and a close friend (I'm not going to suggest parents!)

You're doing so well. I can't wait for you to be rid of twatchops.

Fairenuff · 21/10/2014 16:38

Keep on keeping safe name. Make sure to cover your tracks, he is already suspicious about your phone use.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 16:38

Oh I know FB!!! Haha Grin

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GarlicOctopus · 21/10/2014 16:41

:) It must be great to have someone so decisive on your side. (Not to mention a new experience, going by your accounts of your husband & parents, not to mention dopey Sol1!)

The next few days are going to feel surreal. Keep posting, and stay safe. Your police person knows about the Friday email, yes?

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2014 16:41

Stay safe Name Thanks You are doing brilliantly. I reckon Twatchops will dig himself in deeper too.

GarlicOctopus · 21/10/2014 16:42

Did I mention "not to mention"? Hmm Blush

auntpetunia · 21/10/2014 16:51

Brilliant update. Fab news that all is gonna be in place for Friday. Are you off to your parents then? I think I'm right in saying they've moved so twatty doesn't know where they live is that right? But doesn't he have their phone numbers, will they comply with your instructions not to communicate with him or pass on his messages? If you're going to theirs you need to lay it on the line I them they aren't to communicate with him or you'll have to reconsider their involvement in the girls' lives.

So happy, can't wait for Friday, ( not just cos it's eventually half term. 8 weeks is a long term) Thanks

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 17:05

Thanks everyone

Thanks Petunia Grin - yes as bloody nutty as they are I'm going to go and stay at my parents for the whole of half term - I spoke to my mum this morning - she was relieved to hear from me and had been worried(!) but she's on my side, I updated her after Rottie too, so they're thrilled to have the girls come and stay, are going to ignore H if he calls, we can all breathe a sigh of relief because he doesn't know where they live, and they're now planning days out for the girls so I can chill out - so although they are both bat shit crazy at times, they do seem to be complying (plus I don't have anywhere else to go for a full 7 days!) I've arranged to see friends as well in the half term so I can make myself busy.

Thank you Darkest Thanks - I think so too, with a letter like that from Rottie though I think even he would take a sensible step back because he know he'll be hanging himself if he starts harassing.

Definitely Garlic Grin absolutely Plonky! Grin

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Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 17:15

Forgot to say as well, Rottie had a quick scan through my updated diary of this weekend and when she got to the thing he did on Monday morning where I woke up to him right up in my face, she was like Shock Hmm 'that's not normal!'

I'm like, yeah and that was his attempt at being funny. Even the cute funny shit has elements of psychotic nutter about them.

OP posts:
cheminotte · 21/10/2014 17:19

Stay safe Name . How will you know if he has vacated the house at the end of the 7 days?

Alicebannedit · 21/10/2014 17:21

I love Rottie. She really knows her onions. I think I really love your mum too now she seems to be turning up trumps when something as real as this offers her the opportunity for input! Have some more Flowers soon there'll be so many they might set dear Twattychops off sneezing.... I think you're not the only one feeling a bit giddy with relief Grin

FunkyBoldRibena · 21/10/2014 17:25

She's my new girl crush too - well done Rottie.

And well done Name.

You have no idea how we are all rooting for you.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 17:25

Aw thanks Alice haha!!

I think Cheminotte i will talk to Rottie about that. I might come back with my Dad or I will email my police officer now and tell her of my plans, let them know what Rottie's going to say and when I'm thinking of being back. The kids aren't due back until the Tuesday after half term, so I might say to the school can they have a couple of days off short notice and I'll go back to the house Wednesday with support in place. Don't know yet.

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NettleTea · 21/10/2014 17:25

and dont forget to keep in mind the fact that Womens Aid, the refuge, a specialist solicitor, the GP and the police all think you are doing the right thing, just in case your dad starts with his usual 'dont rock the boat and stop making a fuss' statements.
Those people are professionals and some of them are men, so he should at least take notice of their opinions.
I think your mum is probably thrilled to bits

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 21/10/2014 17:26

Thank you Ribena!! Grin

Just thinking maybe my dad isn't such a good idea actually. Right scrap that, forget i mentioned it haha!

OP posts:
NettleTea · 21/10/2014 17:27

dont you have a brother somewhere, or am I confusing you with someone else xxx
really pleased to hear your news

SassyPasty · 21/10/2014 17:35

Well done - all sounding positive! Just a quick bit of advice, make sure you secure (better still take with you) any precious things for the week you will be out of the house. In particular photos, baby books, items that kids, friends or family have given you that have special sentimental meaning to you. It's common for these things to be destroyed by people who feel 'wronged' - and of course they are things you can't replace so best to remove them. Keep safe x

AcrossthePond55 · 21/10/2014 17:38

Oh oh oh!! My feet are doing the 'happy crazy ballerina' dance! That's when you twirl around on your tippy toes with your arms outstretched. DH and DS2 are Hmm and Shock.

Is there any way you can put a spy cam on his computer so we can see his reaction? It's 'tres amusant' when someone who thought they were untouchable gets a big, fat pie in their smug mug!

It's going to be hard to contain yourself the rest of the week, isn't it? But you can do it! Just keep avoiding him as much as possible.

See, I wouldn't get a new phone. I'd probably love to get his texts and voicemails because they'd be a source of absolute amusement once I knew I was 'safe'. I'd probably crack a big bottle of wine (or stronger) with some friends and we'd read the texts out loud & act out overly dramatically the voicemails in various cartoon voices. But I guess we just have a sick sense of humor.

Whereisegg · 21/10/2014 17:41

Good thinking sassy!

AcrossthePond55 · 21/10/2014 17:48

I agree with Sassy. Try to hide or take things that are valuable to you alone. I don't think he'd destroy things involving the kids, though, but you'd know better about that.

I don't know if you're driving or taking the train to your parents. If you can't take things with you, perhaps Rottie would agree to you dropping off a box or two for short term storage if you don't have anyone local to keep them? Could you mail them to yourself with restricted delivery so that the post office will keep it until you can sign for it?

pinkandstripey · 21/10/2014 17:50

Well done! So so so pleased for you :) I know tickers are much more an nm thing (and I used to 'bag' back in the day), but wouldn't they be so perfect here? "42 hours until twatchops' world come crashing around his ears" or similar ;)

What happened to the police cautioning him? Is that staying up the sleeve for now?