New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

Yes thanks Mathanxiety think I'm going to put a stop to it - I'll give Rottie a call first thing Monday then.

Isn't it something about you can change the locks but you have to offer him a key - obviously negating the change.

I think the fact she has said not to do it you would be foolish to ignore her advice.

What ever you decide to do don't go back to the house alone. Could you mother have the children while you go back with you father?

If you know who the alarm fixer is I would give them a call. This all stinks.

Just say no, you are not having any work persons in the house arranged by your STBXH.

I agree. Cancel the alarm. If you decide it's needed, you can reschedule for later.

It's probably just some stupid way of him trying to say "See how wonderful I am, see how much I care" rather than something more nefarious. Empty gesture, iyswim. Costs him nothing in effort, thinks it makes him look good. Phffft!

I think he's doing some weird protective show for the sols - kind of "if I'm not there to protect the poor feeble wimmin' then I'll sort out the alarm 'cos they will be sooo vulnerable now..." Mind mess for you and the girls there too - how will you survive without him?!

Yes agree with nixing the alarm business. A MNetter on another thread has had endless hassle with her ex having 101 reasons via solicitors to come back into the house to do this and that and the other to do with the property that is actually about seeing her.

I wonder whether in part, Rottie is wanting to keep the non contact line in the dirt absolutely black and white - so the first time he tries entering the house there's no doubt he's broken the terms and she has the evidence she needs to take immediate, clear action to get those orders and prove he isn't abiding by boundaries. (Will probably help you in court too.)

Jux
Wondering if he can make the leap regarding moving out of the house means moving in somewhere else.

Rottie is being absolutely scrupulous regarding Uber-Turd's 'rights' - all to OP's advantage, when it comes to all the legal stuff, annoying though it is not to be able to change the locks. As for the nonsense about the burglar alarm, agree with Limbinthesup above - he's trying to look caring and protective, now that the lil weak and helpless lady and her children are home alone, without his big manly presence to look after them all. Twunt. OP has more guts than he's got in his little finger.

Burglar alarm to protect you!! He wasn't there half the bloody time anyway! I reckon he is trying to get some sort of spying equipment in place but I have an overactive imagination! I would not trust him any further than I could hurl the git.

Ha exactly Dinnae! He Didn't give 2 hoots about the defunct alarm when he was in his party shag pad 40 mins up the road and we didn't see him from one week to the next!

Trying to laugh, trying not to feel annoyed or upset!

Thank you everyone

He isn't go away easily is he

Wonder what pack of lies he's told his sister...

You don't think he is going to get hold of the alarm code as well, do you? Then he'd be able to nip in when he wanted..... that's my bit of paranoia aired for the day!

I would say he is also testing to see how much interference in the house he can get away with even though he will abide by the letter of Rotty's letter (so to speak) about vacating the premises. What if he decided to get the windows replaced or a garden shed put in,or the drive repaved... There are endless possibilities open to him as long as he remains on the mortgage/deeds. He is pushing to see how much interference in your life he can get away with and seeing how much a presence in the house he can remain even though he has been told to leave, and is to all intents and purposes leaving.

He is doing the proverbial taking a mile when given an inch, and I think you can look forward to more of the same unless every single possibility is spelled out and prohibited in whatever divorce and visitation agreement you come up with. He comes across to me as a man who will spend a lot of time and energy looking for loopholes and finding a way around obstacles in order not to appear to be losing here.

Looking ahead, do not sign any agreement with this man that is not extremely detailed and leaves absolutely nothing open to individual interpretation.

do not sign any agreement with this man that is not extremely detailed and leaves absolutely nothing open to individual interpretation.

Yep. He's a sales guru, isn't he? So was I It's all about looking for the angles, the loose threads that you can twist.

Hello, Little Miss Jaded here (aka your voice of sobriety)

I loved my ILs indeed (and still do in some ways) but blood is thicker than water, so had to do the NC thing there too.

And as for 'considerate acts' yep - I had those too. Of course, there was an ulterior motive.

Hunker down, bunker up, fucker is out.

Is my motto.

Take care, WWK.

Aw cheers wwk! Yes totally agree! Hope you're doing alright love?!

Oh totally Garlic, that's him 100%, don't take no for an answer, there is always a way to get the result you want in then end!

Yep agree as well Mathanxiety and that is what I'm going to be saying to Rottie on Monday morning - although I know she knows what he's up to - what else is he going to want to take charge of at the house while he's not living there? Thank you.

Thanks everyone for being so astute - I'm not going to call his sister tomorrow as she was hoping - I think I might be too upset tomorrow to speak about it all, maybe made worse by the fact that I've just lost my keys?

Funnily enough, I was a salesperson for 10 years, and a damn good one at that. I would agree that Twatty is going to look for anything that he can twist to his advantage, Name - you are going to have to think 2-3 steps (or more) ahead of him to keep him in line. Use Rottie and the law to your complete and utter advantage in this - do not give him any room to move whatsoever, as he will take the proverbial mile. You will have to "head him off at the pass", constantly and consistently and force him into a place whereby he plays by your rules and not the other way around.

KOKO Name, as someone else said "Its Showtime!!!"

Get Rottie to make it clear that you require NO work on the house at present and will be cancelling the alarm bloke.

He has decided to have the alarm person turn up on Monday and I would guess early on Monday so that it will be hard to stop the work that has been ordered except by contacting the company at the crack of dawn, which may not be possible.

How is this person going to get into the house? Surely an alarm system will need connecting to wiring on the inside? Is ex hoping to let them in?

Would your dad go down on Sunday just to scout it out (make sure the turd has gone)?

I agree with Limbinsup and Math. This is a way to show he cares (complete with hand wringing tousling of the hair) and to get in and keep getting in. Ring the alarm people immediately and leave a message.

If the work does go ahead though, I wouldn't worry too much about him possibly getting the code - I hope he does - as you can always change the code immediately, so that should Twatchops try to get in, he'll set the alarm off which would be hilarious, especially if it's linked to the police station

Oh God i completely forgot this was happening today. Im sorry Name I hope you are ok

Jux i like your style

How's it going name? Hope you're safe and sound. Xx

I am surprised he has shown his hand so early though.
Surely while Name is fully involved with Rottie is the worse possible time for him to start this shit as he must know he is going to get slapped down immediately.
If he has waited until all was done and dusted and then started this crap he would have had more long term fun. I guess he has the sort of personality that demands instant gratification and is not able to resist the instant piling on of pressure onto Name that brings him mental relief.

If this is actually what is happening (and it looks that way as it has been organised for the instant Name is home, not the Tuesday or the Wednesday or Name has been told she can arrange it herself and he will pay to 'protect his family')
I for one, find this terrifying in itself on the one hand but laughable on the other as he is shouting to the world the worst possible elements of his personality. This means that he is manipulative but not cunningly so or rather his need to dominate Name over-rides everything else in his life. I am worried for you Name. I don't see him getting the Absolute and saying, 'Meh, fair enough, I have been a twat. I'll carve out a life for myself so I can see the girls, get sorted with a tight arsed 25yo and it's all good'. He may if he wants to maintain credibility at work but he may also be at the early stages of a campaign against you.

Thank the lord you have Rottie. In your shoes I think the only thing that is going to stop him, is if he realises that every time he pulls a stunt he ends up paying financially or even with arrest and charged laid against him.
What I'm saying is don't play soft. As with the alarm thing, go in hard from the beginning and make sure he realises he will be paying. If his behaviour deteriorates to the point of Police involvement, press charges. Show zero weakness. If you feel harassed, file for harassment. Speak to this bastard in the only language he seems to understand.

he fact that I've just lost my keys?

Please don't ignore your solicitors comments about changing locks.
You'll just F*ck her off and you need her on side.

Are you sure he isn't reading this, name as some posters are giving him ideas as to what to do to piss you off as well as what he should be doing.