New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

Oh, I think the tears are real. In the same way that a spoilt child cries when the other (nice) children won't play with him! He really doesn't understand that it's his behaviour that makes the other children not like him!

I'm sort of at the programme & counseling. Shutting the stable door and all that. I guess it could be to make him look good to a mediator or judge.

I'd still have Dad with me and plan for the girls to be elsewhere when you return home. Send Dad on ahead whilst you all wait at a pub or park for the 'all clear'. And yy to the locksmith asap. If you can't do it right away, perhaps you or Dad could install bolt or chain locks in the interim. It would at least keep him from entering when you are home. Although, really, I think he's probably too much of a coward to violate any conditions Rottie has imposed.

He's quite the 'poor lickle diddums', isn't he?! All tactics ... but great news he's moving out on Saturday. No doubt you're in for fun 'n games once you're back with him messing about, but you are REALLY over the worst now, done the main deed. It's great that you've now got Rottie watching your back, and the Police if necessary.

As for how you feel, you wouldn't be normal and human if you didn't have up and down feelings - just ride them, telling yourself the 'down' ones will pass and they will, they really will. Think of some great 'survivor' songs! Gloria Gaynor's 'I will survive' and the peerless Edith Piaf's 'Je ne regrette rien'.

It will make him look better than he would otherwise to a good few gormless judges, especially when it comes to custody and visitation, and if Name ever needs a non-mol order in the future. 'But your honour, look at me, I'm wearing a suit just like you are, and I am really, really trying here; I totally get it about the abuse and so forth, and what more does Name want from me...'

Poor little sausage, how rotten the world is to him!

I agree, it's probably the best tactical approach his lawyer can suggest to help him try and turn around the train wreck he's created of his legal position. What you know from experience is that he won't last at these plans, and unfortunately for him people running these courses have very well trained bullshit detectors.

Hope you have a nice, restful weekend planned Name!

Hmm yes good points there Pond and Mathanxiety because I was a bit why has his solicitor passed this on and why has he even said this stuff to her. Take it like a man H, no theatrics, just ask to be represented because your wife has filed for divorce. But of course, it makes him look good, prick, utter bloody prick (God he used to call me a fucking prick all the time)

Thank you Oldgrandmama

Egg my Dad bought a new lock and key today and will install it for me when we get there.

Fluffy - right will do, I'm going to fully update the PO with everything and ask what's going to happen next.

Thank you everyone

Absolutely Rumble, thank you !!

I'm sure he is DEVASTATED - devastated that you got away, devastated that he asked you if you were planning this and you said no, devastated that he has lost his power, devastated that he has finally been stopped, and that he can't do anything about it. He wanted to force you to stay married to him and living with him, taking whatever he felt like giving you. He wanted to continue intimidating and scaring you. And now he can't. His devastation will be real all right.

Doesn't mean you have to give a shit care though.

Ahh brilliant FB, thank you!

He'll also be quite miffed he hasn't got anyone to do his admin for him anymore, he hasn't got you to send him constant reminders about things he should be capable (as an adult) of handling for himself, he hasn't got you to blame and berate for every little thing that he doesn't like.

How will he organise his life? How will he make sure he gets paid every month? How will his sister's rent get paid? How will he play his bully-boy games when he has no one now to play them with? How will he handle his finances?

He no longer has the chance to force you out for 'family' dinners, he can no longer ply you with alcohol and then accuse you of being an alcoholic. He is not able to coerce you into having sex… or having a 'talk', he cannot anymore nag and manipulate and try to force you to go to counselling. He has lost the opportunity to bully and have his own way every single fucking day.

He has lost the figure for his persecution. He has lost his 'image'. He has lost someone he should have bloody well cherished.

He must feel like shit.

Oh well.

Name - make sure you change both front and back doors.

And windows...?

Oh how funny, I just got a text from the bank asking me to verify a new payment of £1000 with a code they've sent me - it's him trying to put £1000 into his solicitors account as I've had to do except because he's so inept and has no working knowledge of online banking, he has no idea that you need to have your number logged with them to make payments!

Thank you everyone for all your tips, thanks again FB, amazing! All so right and so true.

Dd1 has utterly blown me away tonight - I have a mini feminist on my hands everyone haha - although, she's so bloody switched on that I think I'm going to have to keep him away from them as much as possible. She's brought up loads of stuff and called it manipulative and controlling - I think I'll speak to Rottie about it.

Yes thanks Fluffy, we're going to nail the dodgy front window shut, he would have to climb over 15 back garden fences to get into the back door - I will still make sure it's secure but hopefully that's beyond him!

Hi Name Sorry i havent been on here for a while. Glad to see your mum is being supportive. I knew he would turn on the tears. I wouldnt call it Oscar worthy though. More Golden Globe. You are doing great.

Sorry wasn't clear - so his mobile number isn't logged with the online bank and he will now know that a verification text has been sent to me haha! Oh the perils of having superior intelligence with a 2:1 degree and divorcing a person who doesn't!

Yay Darkest! thanks love, hope you're ok

name, I'm glad things are going well - but please don't get too complacent about him not knowing how to do things - he is going to have to work it out, and he may not remain so incompetent.

Thankyou Name....im fine

Good

Yes noted Ebear thanks for that

Hooray!! And Awww, he's devastated, oh what a damned bloody shame - NOT!

I agree he's it quite capable of doing these menial tasks and despite it being way beneath him he'll learn very quickly!!

Could be time to empty out the joint account to extent as it's suddenly going to dawn on him that you have control of "his" money...

Have a great day, how are the hammies in all of this? Not sure I mentioned during the hamgate entries my Mum bringing my g-pig on 2 buses in a rigid holdall to visit me in hospital

Yay! Ignore the text from the bank name. Anything to do with him is his problem now. He has a degree, he can sort it out. He can go to the effort of taking cash round there if necessary but DON'T OUCH THAT PHONE!

Should be don't TOUCH that phone. ah it is Halloween!

Name you need to make sure you've got enough money to keep going for the foreseeable future as I'm sure h will be at the branch today to move his money away from you. If he's so rubbish at on line banking how did he log in and arrange the money transfer( well try to) he's more capable than he's let on, admittedly not realising you'd get the code is a hoot.

Take care and enjoy the last days of half term.

Lol at the travelling G-Pig Random! i have moved out a bit of cash and have enough to survive on for a while

Haha thanks Dinnae I won't!

Yes I've got some put aside Petunia thanks he managed to log on because I emailed him the codes ages ago in anticipation of him having no reason to contact me - I should think he will be on the phone to the bank today.

Feeling alright today, didn't sleep all that well last night - was a bit panicky this morning but have chilled out now!