New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

I agree with Fontella, and also suspect Rotty sent the letter by registered post with a signature acknowledging receipt requested.

He can always pick up the phone and call Rotty, or send an email.

If it comes down to a non mol order, he can be tracked down, if necessary by a PI, and it can be served by an officer of the court.

I think if I were you I'd park up around the corner on return and ask your dad to go in first and give the all clear, while you stay in the car with the girls. It probably will be fine, but you don't know what he is planning and he won't be expecting your dad.

I was wondering if you think he may have a new romance? The chinese and the lack of needing cash for the last 4 days suggest to me he has some other way to get lunches/petrol etc and I wonder if he has made a convenient bolt hole. I also completely agree that it is likely he is doing this to worry you so you could contact him and check he is OK or find out what is going on. Or perhaps he has gone to his parents. Whichever way, you don't need to worry about him just yet. Enjoy your holiday and I hope you had a wonderful night with your friend, she sounds like a great one!

Not that I would ever advocate acts of great risk-taking but you can always ask someone to pick up the phone using 'a withheld number' ring the company switchboard, and ask to be transferred to the person via a transfer from the switchboard.

This enables one to hear his voice. It is, of course, more than unfortunate that the said caller then unexpectedly finds themselves disconnected from the call by accidentally driving through a tunnel, despite moments earlier being sat comfortably on a sofa.

I find that idea is useful for locating a STBXH who claims to have no job and therefore can't afford to pay spousal maintenance. But it may apply to other scenarios, I'm sure.

Glad to hear you're doing okay Name.

How are you today Name? Have been thinking of you

Hi, thanks Random I'm ok thanks

Thank you everyone for all your support.

I'm back at my parents after a rather boozy night with my friends last night felt very tense and anxious this morning. I have a missed call from H on my phone from an hour ago so he's still alive but there's still no bank action oddly.

I'm looking forward to a proper update with Rottie tomorrow afternoon. I really really hope he's been in touch with her by now.

So...suspect secret bank account then.

Glad you had a good night at your friends. Interesting that H has decided to try and call you today despite what it says on his letter.

Its understandable you feel tense and anxious, its only to be expected after everything you've gone through, and the adrenalin rush of Friday is probably starting to wear off.

Make sure you discuss plans B/C/D etc with Rottie, eg what to do if she hasn't heard from him, what to do about going home, if he is still there etc.

Yes absolutely Fluffy thank you it's a scheduled call so I will have her time and attention to ask lots of questions. Yes odd that he's called - my phone is now on silent and hidden away so I will see what it says tomorrow before Rottie.

Ribena, it's a possibility but I just don't think so, he really is utterly inept with regards to finances and he's just been paid (thankfully) so I'll take a bit more for Rottie now. Never say never though I guess.

So just missed call, no voicemail? Just goes to show that he still thinks he can 'talk you round' if he can just get you on the phone. Otherwise he'd just leave a message acknowledging you're done & maybe saying sorry. OK, probably not saying sorry, but you get my drift.

IDK about a secret account, it's more likely that he's opened a new account this week in his name only. You'll be able to figure that out on his payday. If he doesn't deposit his check or there's no direct deposit, you'll know there's another account somewhere. Or it may just be that there's food enough for him in the house, he may be 'off his feed', or he may be dining out on his mates with his stories of how he's been done wrong. Or there could be a woman taking care of him. It's amazing how many women will snap up a newly separated man and 'comfort him'. Bleah!

The anxiety will come and go. Sometimes your head is in the new 'you' (relaxed) sometimes it veers into the past 'you' (anxious). Unfortunately, you still have to 'deal' with him because of the children & the divorce. But the 'new you' will be the 'only you' soon!

He isn't meant to be calling you so tell your solicitor he has.

Is it possible he has been paid in cash? Can you see if his wage has gone in?

Please find a way stop obsessing about what he may or may not be doing. You have got out physically. Make it emotionally as well.

.

Rottie needs to know he's still trying to contact you x

Just de lurking to say it's very easy for most payroll systems to split an employees pay into two bank accounts.

Do you know what his actual take home pay is?

Well, he's clearly had the letter, or he would have called long before now, and often. Maybe he called today because he's spoken to Rottie and thinks that he's played your game quite enough. Maybe he wants you to pay his sister's rent.

I am so impressed by you, and how you've managed this horribly drawn out trek. Your girls are so so so lucky to have a mum like you.

Get a credit report from Experian. It will tell you all the bank accounts, credit cards and debts registered at your address. That way you will see if Twaty has got himself a new credit card.

link here

Not if Twatty set up accounts while he was living in town ...

Hmm... you have a point there GG.

Banks do check these days. Surely he would need to be on the Electoral Roll and provide proof of identity and residency to get an account.

I reckon Twatty has gone into 'divorce game' mode and is being very careful about his next moves, trying his best not to give his game away. You know him best Name, think about what his next moves are likely to be, and plan accordingly. He is going to be planning and plotting, you can bet your last dollar on that.

Do what you do best Name , out-do him, out-plan him, out-maneuver him. This is your next stage of the divorce game .

Agree with Zazzles 100%.

Aw thanks Jux that probably was what it was - he wants his sisters rent to be paid haha!! Oh I'm so well out of there!

Thanks everyone - no he definitely doesn't have another bank account, he just isn't that clever, honest! Even with his big 2:1 degree and more logical thinking powers, he wouldn't have the forethought to set up a secret separate bank account or learn his way around online banking...knob!!

Thanks Zazzles yes totally agree! Feel so much better today!

And......there's been bank activity! He's abroad, with work - so hasn't walked out of his job (Ribena!)

And....I've lost 6 pounds!!

Wow! Win-win! Here's to the next six but hope they don't cost as much

Has he been in touch with your solicitor yet?

You've lost lots more than 6 lbs now haven't you?

Too bad you don't know when he'll be back. May have been a good time to change the locks (kidding). If there's anything you forgot in the house that you are concerned about, this may be the time to go grab it.

"How I Lost 14 st of Ugly Fat" by Name & Rottie.

Available now on Mumsnet Press and all classy stockists.