New name, new game, less stress, more progress! (Thanks to Rottie!)

[thenamehaschanged]

Here goes - thread 4 and definitely the last one now, sheesh!!

Who knew instigating divorce could be so bloody long winded!!

My last thread was 'It isn't Work Stress, it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H!'

Rottweiler solicitor (Rottie) and a non molestation order on Tuesday yippee!!

oh yes absolutely, he has no idea where we are.

Thank you Ribena again on that point!!! I know you're right, but God hasn't he drummed it into me that he will! Good point Pond, Tribpot, mathan, petals, Random and of course Oldgrandmama - absolutely! I'm totally right in what I'm doing and if that means it's his actual earnings I have to use at the moment, well hey ho, sorry about that, shouldn't have been an abuser should you, Twat chops?'

Thanks Garlicghoul....is that you Garlic who's been following me since GarlicAugustus!!!

of course it is, ignore me!!!

Gosh, yes, we've gone from summer hols to hallowe'en together It's been quite a busy time ...

Don't forget you can now claim tax credits as a single person so a little more income for the pot! Ensure first that you are receiving the child benefit in your name

If you want to feel fully justified, you could go onto the CSA calculater and work out the maintanance he should be paying, and take 2 months worth of that, to tide you over until all the finances are beginning to be sorted. Have you put in for the WTC/CTC - you are officially single as from now, so make sure that you do that first thing on Monday morning.
Also change council tax to single occupancy and see if you qualify for any rebate/CTB

oops cross post there....
and remember that maintanance for the children is not counted in any means testing

oh yeah, of course - I'm entitled to all those benefits now, single person council tax I can't tell you the amount of times I used to do the entitledto benefits calculator while still with H, dreaming of being single and working out how much I would have to live on haha!

Going to be phoning Rottie later and looking at my phone eek! I'm assuming there's going to be loads of texts and missed calls from him, but actually, there might not be anything at all haha!!

The hols are going quite quickly aren't they. You'll soon be into the next phase of going home and cutting your ties with him for good whilst trying to sort out access.

Have you got a plan for going back to the house name, in terms of finding out if he has complied with the letter or not and moved out? You definitely need someone to go with you, and if he hasn't gone, then need a Plan B.

Long time lurker here. Well done for getting away. I'd like to echo acrossthepond your bank statement will show where cash has been withdrawn. Also, and I don't want to be flippant here, but websites such as right move have a section for recently sold properties. Please be careful name

Thank you I will be careful

Fluffy, I'm going to tell my PO exactly when I'm going back, and my Dad is going to be coming with me too.

Thanks Chicky, yes I'm not using my bank card at all, just transferring some money to my mums account so she can give me money - he absolutely has no idea where I am - my parents aren't even registered on voting records yet either as there move is so recent - although that would be well past H to look at that.

Because he can't contact me it all feels really calm and easy at the moment - like he has just accepted it - I have no idea what to expect this week though I guess!!

Well done Name, glad things are going well, and that your parents have been keeping Twatty away from you. Good for you for having the strength to not look at your phone/devices to see whether he has tried to contact you. I don't think I would have been able to had I been in your situation .

Nothing to add at this point, but echo others in the stay safe message.

and some for you- it must feel great to be away from him .

So proud of you name! Was thinking of some of the things the guy I was seeing was saying about his ex and how he was still trying to keep control (they live in the same town) even after tgree years apart: he knew the dentist and went in and gave hos mob number instead of their daughter's so he gets a text message to remind of appointments, the cheerleaders his daughter went to had a lot of info on line about class times and he'd quiz his daughter on how late she was going to bed after certain practices, he'd get gosdip about how much his ex was earning by looking up her job on the Internet and he knew her new partner wasn't getting much work (same trade) so he'd put cash in an envelope for his daughter every time he saw her and bang on about how busy he was. He even set up a fake fb account to see if his daughter posted pics of her cousins (ex wifes side) and push her phone to see what her screen picture was... He was really unstable as you may have gathered but I thought last night I should possibly make you aware of some of the things I saw so you can be prepared. I think his ex knew as she made huge efforts to avoid him (daughter came out alone for visits and he waited in the car) and she even didn't say when they were going on holiday - much to his annoyance. The daughter was very aware and barely spoke about her mum or plans to him which was sad and he used to say she had been trained/brainwashed but it really was necessary. Don't want to dampen your mood at all but have been thinking about you and your return a lot!

You're doing so well, just keep going :) am sure rottie will have some interesting stuff for you later today!

70 quid Chinese? If it's a restaurant, that sounds like a meal for 2 (incl drink). Wife leaves you and you go for a meal with someone? Loon.

I'm so glad! I've been following all your threads but never knew what to add to the already good advice you'd had from other MNetters and I was thrilled that Rottie came onto the scene. Here's to a happier life for you and your DC name

Thanks Limb - lucky you're out of that now!! Thanks Zazzles and Pink

Well I've checked my phone now - only 18 missed calls and 5 texts from Friday and then that's it. Nothing. The texts are all about him being out on Thursday night and apologising for not calling - is this because of that? Aren't I overreacting a bit? Don't do this to me etc.

So I'm not 100% sure he had read Rottie's letter on Friday. But he really must have done by Saturday as there has been no other contact since then.

Just called Rottie and she's not in today aaaarrrrggghhh!

So i'll keep my phone on silence again today and call her tomorrow!

Thanks Chicky

Maybe the restaurant meal was Thursday? Considering his usual constant calling it does seem odd he was quiet all evening/night....but it did give you an unexpected peaceful last night (until that not wanting to go downstairs in the morning!)
Hope you have a carefree day with yr girls

alternatively he may have realsied that you had some serious back up and has slunk off like the coward he is.
He may also be holding back because he wants to look reasonable, to show that the stuff you have put in place is way OTT, as he would never be such an abusive trap. Silence doesnt necessarily equal nothing going on. I am assuming he will find his own solicitor soon and when he finds out about not contesting he may let loose then.
Or wait until you get home.

mariposa I think he did try to call name at ten past midnight Thurs/Fri but she ignored it? Not sure what that signifies, if anything though!

hmm yes agree Nettle - and yes he did call me at about 10 past midnight on Thursday night/Friday morning.

I don't know how I feel at the moment - glad there's been no threats or anything, but I'm curious as to what's going on haha! Can't believe after all this he would just go quietly. Or maybe he will? Who knows, I want to speak to Rottie and see if he's been in touch with her - one more day to wait (story of my life!!)

The texts are all about him being out on Thursday night and apologising for not calling - is this because of that? Aren't I overreacting a bit? Don't do this to me etc.

It just shows the sheer bloody arrogance of this bloke that he thinks this might be a reaction to him staying out one night?

He just doesn't get it AT ALL does he?

I know Font - he's just weird! Ah, unless the texts were an attempt for him to 'look' innocent and to make me look barking mad?

Don't know - but anyway, I am enjoying the peace and quiet for now and look forward to getting an update from Rottie tomorrow!

It's ironic that the love-bombing backslid into disappearance the very night before you left...

True Colours as Cyndi Lauper would say.