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Original poster

So my DP hit me tonight ...

312 replies

coolbeans · 18/10/2014 20:54

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

OP posts:
NobodySpecial · 18/10/2014 23:49

You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell.

She THRUST a child at him. That's like throwing a child at someone. He didn't catch him (because you don't expect a child to be thrown at you) and he fell. So YES THROWING is same as THRUSTING. And it shouldn't have been done.

Maybe he shouldn't have punched her, it was wrong, BUT, she shouldn't have thrown a child at him.

15 years together, I'm sure she knows better what kind of character her DH has and he must know hers too.

ChippingInLatteLover · 18/10/2014 23:50

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Could people please ask themselves, before posting, if what they are about to post is going to help the OP or just carry the argument with other posters on. If it's not helping the OP, maybe think carefully if you really want to say it here, on this thread, right now.

Coming in to the middle of one of these threads really is eye opening and it's not pretty :(

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 23:51

Worra and Altinkum, I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Write the word TIMING in big letters and pin it on your mirrors.

I'm sure the child you're so concerned for would be grateful you scared his mother away when she may need medical attention.

Oakmaiden · 18/10/2014 23:51

Well, actually Worra - I think that the pedantry is actually important in this case. In my mind "thrusting" something is VERY VERY different from throwing something. Worlds apart. In that thrusting something is a controlled action to place something somewhere, and throwing... well, isn't. And I think that if different people have different ideas about what the OP means by "thrusting" then they are going to react differently to it.

OK - Thrusting your child at someone in a temper is not ideal, but is a very human thing to do, and certainly not something that will harm or frighten a child. It is unfortunate that the action resulted the child falling, but that was clearly not the OPs intention - and the child as it happens appears to have fallen onto the sofa, and is unharmed.

Throwing a child, however, would be totally different in just about every respect.

And so is going after someone and punching and threatening them. A deliberate action intended to cause harm. And probably far more likely to frighten the child that being "thrust" into their father's arms.

NobodySpecial · 18/10/2014 23:52

She got punched on the hip. That's not going to cause internal injuries. Hmm

What about the child who fell?

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:52

temporaryusername you're just making stuff up now.

You have no idea why the OP stopped posting

She could be fast asleep for all you know

SnakeyMcBadass · 18/10/2014 23:54

Woah. I've been with dh 17 years. We had some stressful times with small children. The bottom would have fallen out of my world had he ever hit me (or I him). The whole foundation of your relationship has shifted in a moment. I don't know if I could fix it, tbh. It's such a huge destruction of trust.

baskingseals · 18/10/2014 23:54

Dreaming sweet dreams Worra

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:55

Sigh - No throwing is not the same as thrusting, they are two different things. One is a rough form of pushing the other involves launching into the air. The op then went onto explain that she actually put DS (albeit it roughly judging by the description) onto a cushion. Cue many people picking apart a throw away comment.

Also maybe he shouldn't have punched her?! Is this part really a grey area? Ffs.

rootypig · 18/10/2014 23:55

You have no idea why the OP stopped posting

Nope, pretty sure I do.

Altinkum · 18/10/2014 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 18/10/2014 23:57

The child is physically ok. They weren't hurt. And there is a difference between being thrust at another person - who's natural instinct should be to take hold of the infant, not let them drop to the sofa and then get up and punch their mother.

They won't continue to be fine though. If their mother continues to live with a violent bully.

And in order for that to happen she needs support. not a fucking petty, self indulgent bun fight.

ChippingInLatteLover · 18/10/2014 23:57

Coolbeans (if you are even still reading) - I am sure you are in all kinds of turmoil right now. Your childhood, your work in DV, 15 years & kids together... it must all be so scary for you. I think the thing that worries me the most is that he had to get up off of the sofa and come after you, to hit you - it's not like he lashed out when you fumbled with DS, that I could probably 'understand' (not 'like', not approve, not agree with - but understand) but he had to stand up and come after you, to deliberately hurt you, I don't think I could get past that, I think it would leave me too scared of when he might do it again :( However, only you know him, only you know what is going on, how your relationship is generally - and only you can decide what happens next. Take some time, let this sink in xx

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:58

what about the child who fell?
He fell on to a cushion, he is in bed asleep. Rtft.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:58

If she has any sense, she will be fast asleep....I know I should be.

The way I see it, maybe the OP could have handled it better, but to me it smacks of victim blaming - yes, it was 'only' a punch in the hip, but where do you draw the line? I'm sure lots of abusive relationships started with 'only' a tap on the arm, or 'only' a shove...but once that line has been crossed, there is always the potential for it to escalate.

What worries me is the lack of remorse - to me, that doesn't seem to fit with a parent lashing out because their child was inadvertently hurt.

Oakmaiden · 18/10/2014 23:58

Seriously, Altinkum? Now you are having a go because she is drinking wine while there are children in the house???

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:59

I'm pretty sure you don't rootypig

Either way, carry on thinking that ignoring what the child went through tonight will in some way help the OP to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

beavington · 18/10/2014 23:59

OP hopefully you have RL support and have abandoned this thread.

But, only you know what you actually did with your toddler. If you be honest with yourself and dont minimise it then you will avoid it happening again, ie if you roughly passed (tbh that is how i interpret thrust and not at all like 'threw' which is massively worse) your dc because you were stressed then next time you are in similar situ you will be more careful because you know dc could fall otherwise. If you tell yourself something different happened because you feel guilty then you may react the same next time dc throws a tantrum. Its just part of learning from our mistakes and there is no need for you to be getting crucified on this thread.

Your dp responded out of shock but wtf he ran over and punched you in the hip????? If in this situ i would be angry as both parents stressed out and potentially hurt child but my immediate response would be to see to dc and then give dp a mouthful. How yoyr dp reacted was not normal and the fact he has not even apologised must be frightening.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2014 00:01

Amen to that beavington

Glittermud · 19/10/2014 00:02

You know those threads where people post to say that, in a moment of distress, they hit their child and posters (rightfully) rally around to reassure them that they are human? That we are all overwhelmed at times and that they need to put their actions into some kind of perspective?

Imagine that the OP posted about thrusting her child to her husband in her frustration and anger and that as a result their child had toppled into the sofa. Full stop. There'd be an outpouring of support - without doubt. Reassurances would be given, etc etc.

But in this instance the OP has gone on to selfishly make out all about her needs and focused on her husband thumping her. As a result, people are responding as though her child is of no concern to her. 'How dare she put her DV claims first'.

Interesting.

OP - hope you're okay.

temporaryusername · 19/10/2014 00:03

The 'hip' could mean many things. We don't know what is going on, you're right I don't know. That is why we should proceed with caution. It couldn't matter less even if everything you said was something that it is important for the OP to think about, now is not the time.

rootypig · 19/10/2014 00:04

I don't disagree that what happened to the child is important Worra. I don't think anything that has been said has made that child safer tonight.

And yes, it is obvious why she has left the thread.

Altinkum · 19/10/2014 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2014 00:09

beavington has summed up exactly what I've been trying to say.

Her post is supportive but still acknowledges the part the OP played and the result on her child, as well as acknowledging how utterly wrong her DP was to punch her.

She hasn't ignored, minimised or made excuses for what happened to the child tonight.

Imo that is a properly supportive post and one that will hopefully do more good for the OP, than all the ones that are glossing over or making excuses for the fact an upset child was thrust forward and hit the floor.

ClashCityRocker · 19/10/2014 00:09

Thank you Altinkum. I'm sure OP is sorry she can't conform to your handbook of how to behave after you've been punched by your partner of fifteen years.