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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So my DP hit me tonight ...

312 replies

coolbeans · 18/10/2014 20:54

... And ain't that a kick in the head. Or the hip, which is where he punched me.

Sorry; gallows humour.

I do not even know why I am posting. It is the shock I think.

Our youngest was having a toddler meltdown and DP was busy complaining about how I was handling it. In a temper, I said: "You know so much, you should take him!", and thrust said child at him. He didn't catch him and ds fell. My partner punched me. Really hard. And then snarled at me that I should stay away or it would get worse.

we have been together 15 yrs.

I had an horrible childhood. It was all gymkhanas and public school on the outside and beatings and abuse behind closed doors. I had years of counselling and my therapist said one of my problems was that my thresholds were too high.

But being hit. that is one of my lines. I had years of it. I am not going there again. I have worked in DV. I know the script. If I don't walk away now, the likelihood is that it will happen again.

He hurt me. It fucking hurts. I don't understand how ths is my life. He is acting as though it is all of my own doing. Not a word of apology. The fucker.

Sorry for typos and incoherence - too much wine has been drunk to numb how unutterably awful this is,

OP posts:
FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:33

I think we all (including the OP) are concerned that a child is involved. Choosing to deliberately interpret a garbled few posts and focus on the woman who was assaulted and pick her apart is just vile vile vile.

Fannydabbydozey · 18/10/2014 23:33

Altinkum RTFT! She has already said that she and her husband are sitting near each other, she's on the ipad and he's on the computer. She's not pissed and on her own with an injured child. How narcissistic to make this thread about you. Shocking.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:33

And Altinkum I believe the OP has stated that she started drinking after the kids were in bed...so after the whole incident.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:34

Altinkum have you read passed the op? The husband is at home - your assumption here is wrong. The child is in bed and mum op didn't have a drink until after he was in bed. She has already stated this, why are asking questions that have already been answered? Or is it just that you are so keen to stick the knife in that you have glossed over a few things?

NobodySpecial · 18/10/2014 23:34

You thrust a child at your partner. Partner dropped him. In the heat of the moment he punched you.

You threw your child. You didn't deserve the punch, but I bet it was instinct kicking in. If anyone hurt my
Child id do the same

FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:35

Ah, the little one is fine, didn't fall as such. He toppled off a cushion and did not hit the floor.

She had a drink after the children went to bed

She was also assaulted tonight. Just as a little mention as well

Oakmaiden · 18/10/2014 23:35

I don't know what other people (Altinkum) are reading, but from what the OP has said I see this. Op dealing with tantrumming child. DP sat on the sofa, critiquing. OP finally had enough of both the tantrum and the critique picks up child and (probably forcefully) hands him to DP. Assumes that having done so DP will hold child. DP however makes no effort to do so, and so when OP removes her hands the child falls from DPs lap to the sofa on which he is sitting.

I could see myself doing the same thing in a similar situation. I would expect my husband to take the child when I handed him over. He would be equally at fault if he didn't bother to do so and the child fell. As it is the child fell onto the sofa cushion, so was unharmed.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/10/2014 23:35

Where does it say she has been drinking too much?

Frankly, on this thread there is only one poster coming out with such incoherent gobbledegook that they sound like they've been on the pop and it sure isn't the OP. Altinkum, you actually sound a bit deranged and weird.

She said she'd had some wine after all that had happened. And who can blame her.

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:36

nobody special I must have missed the bit where she threw her child....

FrontForward · 18/10/2014 23:36

you threw your child. Dear fucking hell!!!! Is everyone drunk?

baskingseals · 18/10/2014 23:36

Double whammy tonight for Coolbeans.
Punched and then let down. Just how shit is she feeling now.
Way to go ladies

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:36

That's not my experience of Mumsnet in general ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb

'Poor menz not coping with a toddler tantrum' and the minimisation of a stressed mother lashing out, is a more general collective mumsnet reply, in my experience.

There is blame on both sides here, but pointing that out seems to label you as being immediately unsupportive, or some people assume you're condoning DV without actually reading what you're saying.

HeySoulSister · 18/10/2014 23:36

Yuk, MN at it's worst! Get a grip people.....

Oakmaiden · 18/10/2014 23:36

I really don't know in whose world "thrusting" a child at someone is the same as "throwing" them. Really really don't.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/10/2014 23:37

Yes, that's the way I have understood it Oak.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/10/2014 23:39

(I meant, your other post Oak)

ClashCityRocker · 18/10/2014 23:40

Worra, I do see what you're saying, and OP maybe could have handled it better, but I think at this time, having just been assaulted by her husband which you are (I think), in agreement shouldn't have happened, OP maybe needs a bit of support to get her head together, rather than a dissection of why he might have punched her?

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 18/10/2014 23:42

We probably have different experiences of mn worra. However in this case I feel that the focus should be on the deliberate act of violence by the DH rather than an accidental act of desperation/exasperation by the OP regardless of gender.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:42

Oh Christ

Thrust or threw

Should anyone be doing either of those things to a child because they're in a temper?

If you dropped your child off at nursery and was told on pick up that someone thrust your child at someone else and ended up falling over, would you say "Phew that's ok, as long as he wasn't thrown"?

Neither is good for the child and as someone else said, nor is witnessing his Mum being punched by his Dad.

But just carry on being pedantic and don't worry about the poor child involved.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/10/2014 23:45

Please report O.P because if he has done it once he will do it again and next time you may not be so lucky, not that any form of d.v is lucky. This is not the environment you want you child growing up in, and you do not deserve that either. No one has the right to hurt you.

slithytove · 18/10/2014 23:45

Look, from my perspective, to find out how the child was put down, or thrust, whatever, only made a difference in terms of how OP might want to approach this.

It doesn't justify the punch, nothing does.

But IF there were extenuating circumstances which make a parent see red and lash out, I would have thought a child being hurt would be it. So IF this happened, it might give the OP reason to give her H another chance.

If not, then LTB. But there is a difference between an abuser and someone who would lash out at mistreatment of their child.

It's not right and I'm not proud, but if someone did as OP first described, thrust a child causing them to fall - I'd probably lash out.

Once again. OP didn't deserve to be hit and it's disgusting. But depending in circumstance the relationship might be salvageable.

That being said, her husbands lack of apology doesn't bode well.

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2014 23:45

ClashCityRocker thanks for seeing what I'm trying to say (I understand it must be hard because we do disagree a bit here).

But all I'm trying to do is point out that part of supporting someone, can (and should imo) involve pointing out that what they did was also wrong...and not accepting their apparent minimalisation of the event.

Glittermud · 18/10/2014 23:46

OP, I hope you have a trusted RL friend who you can talk to tomorrow. Ignore all of this late-night drunken squawking, get some rest, make sure that you are safe and give yourself some space to work this out in your head. Try not to minimise it all. Let us know how you are.

rootypig · 18/10/2014 23:47

And............. OP is long gone.

temporaryusername · 18/10/2014 23:47

Pointing out blame on both sides does label you as immediately unsupportive Worra. It has probably put the OP off posting, it has made someone who is in shock from being punched feel worse. Can you and Altinkum not wait to see how OP is before pouncing? She could have internal injuries. Consider the balance of probabilities here and what your priority should be.

If you really think it likely that the important thing to focus on here, in the immediate aftermath, is how the OP handed her child to her partner, rather than the attack that followed, then I don't know what to say.

Please also notice the further threats made and the lack of an apology from the husband.