Is there really anything wrong with moving "too fast"?

[peanutbuttercupfield]

I've met an amazing man, who ticks all the boxes (apparently I tick all his boxes too) yet I've been told by others that we are moving "too fast". I have spoken to him about this and we both agree that we are behaving like a couple of giddy teenagers but I truly believe that I've met my match in him.

I'm not naive and I know that everyone puts their best foot forward at first but we've been honest with each other (as far as I'm concerned) and we know the good, the bad and the ugly in regards to our past.

We've been together for two months and thinking about moving in together sometime down the line.. although it feels as if it could be sooner rather than later.

Has anyone had any experiences like this that's ended positively or even negatively?

extra information: I'm 27 and he's 45. I'm also divorced with no children. I have been divorced for 3 years and dated two men in between.

two months is nothing, and not long enough to know the reasons he is available at 45 years old.
If you are to be together waiting a while won't hurt the relationship.
Be careful giving up your job, home and moving away so soon into the relationship.
Enjoy dating for at least a year and have longer before the smelly socks and arguments over who does what.

My sister thinks it's too good to be true because "no one can find someone who ticks all the boxes" Well, I have. He's everything that I have always wanted

You could be right. But then so could your sister.

I'd just sound he same note of caution that I did before, that this is a common feeling ("he's perfect for me")when dealing with a sociopath/narcissist.

It's what they do and how they work. They are highly skilled at reading people and project back to them the Mr Right image tailored to the person they are mirroring.

When it all comes crashing down, the victim is left reeling and unable to understand how this man who adored her and was her perfect match could drop her overnight. Answer: because it was just a man playing the role of her perfect partner.

Obviously, it's not always the case and as some of the tales on this thread show, it is possible to have an instant click with a man that turns out to be Mr Right long term relationship.

But I'd say again - just be careful. Keep an eye out for any red-flag behaviour. Two classic ones are how they talk about former partners (they are all psycho bitches "not like you darling, you are perfect") and how they treat waiters/serving staff (ie. not well).

I wouldn't do it but sounds like you will be! I don't really get the attraction of someone 18 years older either way. The thought of being with a 60 yr old man at 42 wouldn't appeal to me.

I would not do this, if its meant to be it can wait can't it? Why rush?

I met a man who seemed to be perfect and ticked all the boxes and we rushed into everything. He was not perfect, he was a liar who put on a massive act to be the perfect person and boy did I learn a few lessons.

I am totally with CheersMedea they are very, very good at manipulating you.

If he really is a decent man then he will not be pushing you to move away from your friends, family and work so soon.

Lots of people have mentioned men who turned out to be abusive, liars...nightmares.

Even if your man is none of these things (and most people arent) then waiting longer than 2 months is still the right thing. You aren't looking out just for if he is a psycho, but if he is right long term for you.

To consider moving in with someone so quickly,especially if it's just been a few weekends together, suggests a real need of validation from a man, indicative of low self esteem. OP you need to be able to manage alone. By all means enjoy being with this man and the fab things which come from anew romance...because this is a very new romance. If it is right, waiting won't hurt the relationship, but can only help. Rushing in could generate all kinds of problems.

And bear in mind his kids. People with kids don't rush into living with people after 8 weeks. They think carefully before even introducing them and they put their kids first. And sensible new boyfriends and girlfriends recognise how important this is, even when the kids don't live with that parent. He particularly needs to show this awareness and restraint. And you need to as well.

I doubt the OP is coming back but ...

I can't see anything about this man having a family already. Have I overlooked it?

He's single now because his partner of 9 years died of cervical cancer 3 years ago, so the OP was told. I'd be wary about that because deaths from cervical cancer of someone so young are quite rare, thankfully. I think I'd want that confirmed by his friends and family. If it's true- terribly sad.

Here
He hasn't got any children and doesn't particularly want any either. I already told him that I don't want children so we haven't discussed that since. He can move but it'll be better for me to move as I'm setting up my business which will allow me to work from home so it wouldn't make too much of a difference where I am based. His last relationship lasted 9 years, she died unfortunately of cervical cancer. he has been single for 3 years since. I've met his brother and his mum (lovely) and a few of his friends. They all seem pretty normal to me

Another one saying don't move in with him.....yet anyway. My cousin moved in with someone within a matter of months, into his house, her name wasn't on the deeds and she didn't have any rights or anything. I'm sure you can guess what came next. They'd been together about a year when he came home one day and told her he didn't want to be with her any more and she'd got the weekend to pack her bags and get out. Luckily, she hadn't moved from her home town and her sister let her stay with her. I can't imagine how awful it would be if a similar thing happened and you were away from your friends and family, not to mention if you work from home you've lost your source of employment as well. So if you do decide to move in please, please, please make sure you've protected yourself legally and financially so you don't end up in a situation like that.

She did eventually go on to marry an older, divorced man (although it isn't quite as big an age gap as you) who wanted more children and she's very happy. I think the difference is that she laid her cards on the table fairly early on and said she wanted marriage and children. She didn't rush into things like the last time but she wanted to be sure he was on the same page and luckily for her he was. You sound very unsure about children, and to be honest from what you've said he doesn't sound enthused about the idea. I tend to think that if a man has got to 45 and hasn't got children then he won't ever want them but maybe it just didn't happen because of his partner being ill. I do think you need to bear in mind that if you don't have children say for another 5 years he will be 50 when your first is born. He may not want to have children in his fifties. Personally I'd be a bit worried that he sounds so wishy washy on the idea.

Definitely do not rush into this. I have a slightly larger age gap than you and as much as I would like to move in with DP I am waiting as long as possible as I want to be 100% sure the age gap and future issues are truly ok for me. I also have a dc though so need to keep their best interests a priority.
Just take some more time and see how things pan out, if it's meant to be then you'll go from strength to strength without living together and you'll be assured it's right.
Also definitely do some soul searching re children.

My bf and me decided to move in together after dating for 8 weeks. It was another couple of months before he could move in as he had to go to America for a while with work.

But within two weeks of coming back to the uk he moved in. I got pregnant within a month. We were married the following year. Still together. Dd is a teenager.

Sometimes it just feels so right.

I did rush in with my husband, very very quickly. We have been together happily for 8 years and I don't regret it at all.

Now, I had children and looking back I know I was being selfish to take such a huge risk like I did and wouldn't advise anyone with children to do the same, but we did just work. It all worked out perfectly for all of us. I am not saying it was ok to take the risk, it wasn't. I was young, selfish and immature, but thankfully it was one that didn't backfire and turned out brilliantly. He is an amazing man.

So a mixed bag of stories here.

If you are happy to move and give it a go, then by all means do it. You don't want to be left wondering what if??? However, have an idea of what you would do if it doesn't work out, then you won't be left high and dry if the worst happens. I met my now husband 3 months before I was due to leave for Australia, he pproposed just as I was leaving, I said yes but went anyway lol. He sold his house, wound up his business and flew over to meet me 2 months later. We've now been together for 9 years, married for 6 and have two dc. So, yes, I agree sometimes it's just right.

But why would she be left wondering 'what if' if they carried on dating for a few more months?

I love dating - trips to Paris, restaurants, anticipation, nervously driving to see each other, love letters, all that. I can't really understand why, in your 20's, you want to leapfrog that getting to know you stage and go straight onto picking up socks and takeaway.

I think it's lovely that there are some positive tales of fast relationships.
BUT statistically the odds are in favour of lengthy 'courtships' and long marriages.
For every 10 quickie relationships that worked out there are probably 90 that didn't.
The OP has a bit of a history of failed relationships including a divorce at 24. That alone should tell her to slow down.

Interesting that even some of the people who moved in together quickly, that it worked out for, now recognise with hindsight that their choice was reckless, and the happy outcome was by no means certain.

I think the fact it has turned out there are no children involved makes some difference. I would seriously be concerned about this man and the OP if they were prepared to put a whirl wind romance before the stability of their children. I still think it is too soon and smacks of a need for validation from that other person and insecurity.

There is nothing to lose by waiting a while, versus a great deal to lose if jumping in blind, which is really what it would be.

I know people who got married within a year. They now say that they really didn't know each other and so much has come to light since. Some of them are still together, but others aren't. All of them say that waiting would have been a good thing.

choc
Read the thread- they don't have any children.

sorry- did n't get to to the end of your sentence...

I married my EX husband after 9months I was 21 he was 43 big mistake!!! I hope things work out for you. not all relationships are the same

Not sure if the OP is coming back, but if you read this OP I think it would be helpful for you to look at bullet points and read them as though you're reading about someone else's life.

Young woman (27) no children, with a long term relationship and a failed marriage behind her.

Man (18 years older) no children and never married? Nine year relationship ended in bereavement.

Eight weeks seeing each other, unclear how much time that actually amounts to. It's unclear what the woman's attitude is to having children at some stage.
She admits she may be 'intoxicated' but it feels right.

The question is, is this all moving too fast? do fast moving relationships work out?

I would suggest that the only people I hear saying age is just a number are people involved in big age gap relationships, who think only in the here and now.
I'd also caution any friend of mine not to move two hours away when they have no job and are in the process of setting up a new business.

Lots to think about.