Is there really anything wrong with moving "too fast"?

[peanutbuttercupfield]

I've met an amazing man, who ticks all the boxes (apparently I tick all his boxes too) yet I've been told by others that we are moving "too fast". I have spoken to him about this and we both agree that we are behaving like a couple of giddy teenagers but I truly believe that I've met my match in him.

I'm not naive and I know that everyone puts their best foot forward at first but we've been honest with each other (as far as I'm concerned) and we know the good, the bad and the ugly in regards to our past.

We've been together for two months and thinking about moving in together sometime down the line.. although it feels as if it could be sooner rather than later.

Has anyone had any experiences like this that's ended positively or even negatively?

extra information: I'm 27 and he's 45. I'm also divorced with no children. I have been divorced for 3 years and dated two men in between.

Go as fast as you like.... It's your life isn't it. I doubt very much anyone would sway your opinion on this IMO. There is so much of your post that is worrying... I wouldn't even know where to start.
Moving in after two months??

I'd book a holiday with him. Preferably for a fortnight. It'll give you some insight into what it's like to be around him all the time. As you live two hours away you're getting the long distance romance effect at the moment, where forced separation means you don't get on each other's nerves.

Thank you for the replies.

it's actually made me a little worried now, especially the sociopathic and narcissistic tendencies. I'll Google "Blowtorch" (can't remember the other word as I'm using my phone to reply).

He hasn't got any children and doesn't particularly want any either. I already told him that I don't want children so we haven't discussed that since. He can move but it'll be better for me to move as I'm setting up my business which will allow me to work from home so it wouldn't make too much of a difference where I am based. His last relationship lasted 9 years, she died unfortunately of cervical cancer. he has been single for 3 years since. I've met his brother and his mum (lovely) and a few of his friends. They all seem pretty normal to me.

DH and I got together very quickly - my friends liked him, his friends were baffled by me (they were all party animals, I wasn't) and no-one could work out what we saw in each other but none of my friends disliked him. My parents didn't like him - he had long hair!!!

However, a much older man, and moving away from all your friends who don't like him...just rings alarms for me.

I'd take it slow just in case.

This is from a US website- link's quite long but this is the relevant paragraph

Length of Courtship and Marriage

"In the past, dating didn't exist, let alone dating for years before getting married. Nowadays, dating is regarded by those who want to get married as a good way to find a suitable marriage partner.

The length of courtship has also changed a lot compared to a century ago: it became acceptable to date for 2, 3, 5, or more years before walking down the aisle. Interestingly, some statistics reveal the connection between the length of courtship and marriage success.

Ted Huston of the University of Texas studied the matter and found that if the courtship lasted less than a year and the couple were very enamored of each other, there were big chances the marriage would end in divorce. Those who date from 1 to 3 years before getting married have the best chances for their marriages to succeed. And the couples who take it very slowly, especially if they are older and mature, are usually the quickest to divorce."

There will be other stats on the UK's NOS if you care to search OP- not a very romantic thing to do, but maybe open your eyes a bit.

I met a man in September, moved in the following March
That reminds me, my gran did something similar. They met in September, aged 23 and 27, married in March and remained together for over sixty years until my granddad died. There are lots of reasons why they aren't good role models, but they did stay together.

Don't worry - just don't rush! Enjoy yourself - don't make yourself dependent on him. Have fun.

Many of us complacent old marrieds would love to be in those lovey-dovey early stages again ;)

At 27 you are not old enough to be certain that you never want a family.

Sorry if that is harsh but seen and heard too many women say that and 10 years later are thinking very differently.

You also need to be very realistic about the chances of business success- relocating, working from home (?) and trying to create a business will not give you immediate financial independence unless you are a professional with a bulging book of clients and contacts already.

Well, obviously "fast" is OK, but "too fast" not :-)

What I would worry about is that moving in may put one or both of you under pressure to stick with the relationship if (heaven forbid) your feelings start to wane. You know what's going on in your head, so you can be "sure" that it will not happen to you, but seriously, you can never be 100% sure what's going on in someone else's head however many times they say they love you.

Imagine a scenario where, six months for now, one of you has started to think that maybe it was just a really great-feeling fling, and you might not be a perfect long-term match. But as you're living together, that person might think "I'll try it a bit longer", what with all the hassle of moving out or having to make someone else move out. And the longer they stay, the less keen they are on the relationship, but the harder it seems to split up.

In the same situation, but living apart, you might just say "Look, I'm not sure about this" and not see each other for a week. Living together, that's harder.

yummypickledeggs the generation gap isn't noticeable..yet. it may be in the future but for now, our interests are the same. I've never been a party animal, I hardly went out at uni and prefered going out for meals with friends.

My friends don't like him because of his age. One told me that "he's too old. find someone younger" but age is just a number. I like his level of maturity.

Me and my DP met and moved in within months and then fell pregnant straight away. In our defence though we had been talking for about 6 months before we met so it felt as though he was an old friend.

We are extremely happy 3 years in but we were both late thirties and had significant relationships behind us so knew what we were looking for.

At 27 and 45 I think I would advise caution. That's a pretty big age gap and I'm not surprised he is keen to progress things quickly, I bet he can't believe his luck!!

Is he keen to have children with you peanut?

ravenmum thank you, that never crossed my mind. That would be an awful situation as it would be difficult for me to leave "straight away" until I found a place to rent.

I have clients and contacts already but I won't be making a lot of money straight away. I'll be living off my savings of worst came to worse.

'age is just a number'....

You're obviously going to go ahead with the move whatever anyone says here or IRL. :) Just do it with your eyes wide open. Protect yourself financially, maintain some independence, keep up with your friends and so on.

NewEraMindset I told him that I didn't want any children (I want to pursue my career first) and he said he didn't want to have children as of yet anyway. He didn't seem bothered by the idea of not having children. He also mentioned that he didn't want to have kids out of marriage

Cogito but isn't age really just a number. I wasn't saying it to be stubborn but because I doubt my friends be against us if he was also 27, as age was the reason that they called me "bloody mad"

would be*

If you're starting all over in a new place, I can picture it being very isolating working from home. Work colleagues often become friends and it's one of the quickest ways to meet new people after moving.

Holiday sounds like a great idea.

I moved in with DH 3 months after we started going out, so I am not against moving fast. I would say don't rush into it in your situation though, purely because of the amount you have to give up if you do move in with him.

I think the odds are against any new relationship, however good it seems, so you have to bear in mind the possibility that it could not work out. It would be horrible to find yourself living away from your support network, needing to find a new home and job if that happened. If the relationship is going to last the distance, do you really have anything to lose by waiting a bit? If you still feel the same 6 months down the line, once you've got to know each other properly, then go for it.

Age isn't just a number no when you are potentially wiping the arse of an old man when you are still of child bearing age.

Another worrier about the age gap I'm afraid....But I feel you have already decided he's the one and it's too late to do anything about that?

I am 11years younger than my DH and I do worry about the future, he just tires more quickly than me and seems to be getting grumpier and less tolerant. Whereas I am vibrant and engergised lol

I don't suppose it would have changed my mind about him if anyone had mentioned this back in the days when we met though

I'm with your mates. Age isn't just a number. It is a big age gap that might feel bigger as time goes on.

Course it can work. But its good to be cautious too.

Age is not just a number, it's life experience, life stages, physical health, emotional maturity, entrenched habits and beliefs...age is incredibly relevant to who we are. When you were born he was already an adult.

Why do you need to move in so fast?

What have you got to lose by waiting?

I would be cautious if I were you - it all sounds a bit risky - and I say that as someone who moved very quickly. In our case though we had known each other as children, already lived near each other as adults, and kept financial independence until we got married.