Blunt question: were you sexually active at 14?

[Mintyy]

As you know I'm not a pervy hairy-handed trucker.

Hopefully you will feel able to answer.

If you were sexually active at 14, can you say anything about why?

Yes. Before, in fact...maybe 13. No PIV sex until 14. No regrets. A couple of years wouldn't have made any difference IMO and enjoyed it at the time, etc. My dsis was pregnant at 13 (few years older than me) so I think I actually gave it a lot more thought than some people and in the end did what I wanted to do and nothing more.

No, I hadn't even kissed a boy at 14 - the first boy I ever kissed when I was 15 had to be told to do it by his sister

When I was 16 I was crazy about a man who was 32. I spent the night with him, convinced I was ready to sleep with him, but when it came to it I just froze and couldn't and he - to my eternal gratitude - just stopped and didn't try to coerce or persuade or anything.

Boys/men didn't have any proper interest in me until I was 21.

No I don't think the age of consent should be lowered, although I have absolutely no problem with two 14/15yos who are emotionally mature and have strong feelings for each other doing what comes naturally.

Having sex under 16 isn't illegal per se but if it came down to it in a rape case, somebody under 16 is not considered mature enough to be able to give meaningful consent meaning consent is invalid. That's what the age of consent means. If the age of consent were lower then it gives much older people a perfectly legal chance to coerce 14/15yos into sex that they're probably not ready for. I'd say the majority of 14/15yos and probably a good proportion of over 16yos are not emotionally mature enough to make an informed decision about whether they really want sex or somebody is coercing them into thinking that.

There are predatory people about and they tend to go for victims who are more vulnerable. An inexperienced or emotionally immature person, perhaps a young person, is a perfect target for them. It is right that the law protects them.

Yes. Age 13. This actually makes me go cold. 1st time was a friends brother who denied it, 2nd time I was 14 boyfriend was 21, he was cheating on me but swore he wasn't so I ended up sleeping with him-lo and behold the truth came out and he bragged to everyone, shit hit the fan big time. After that I was 15 with a guy for 4 yrs and only ever my partner. I regret it soooooo much wish I could slap my younger self!

Yep. Had same boyfriend from 12-16, had sex just before we both turned 14. We had loads of fun together and were best friends, I felt safe with him. Have never ever regretted it.

Strange how you've read the responses Mintyy - I think if you actually count them you'll see the majority have said No.

I didn't say the majority had say yes though Margy. I said "a lot".

I have NC for this, I'm not sure why.

At 13 I was definitely very boy-curious, had kissed and really wanted to be noticed. I thought I was quite mature for my age, but I wasn't. I thought I became sexually active at the age of 14.

I went on holiday with a friend, her sibling and her parents (my first holiday without my own parents). My friend and I 'chatted-up' some much older 'boys' in the park and we were invited to a party. We lied to my friends parents, very easily got away with it, and went to the party. When we got to the party, we told them all that we'd lied to sneak out.

Anyway, I danced and drank (for the first time) and was having a ball! People were taking drugs and one of the people from the park gave me a pill. I got 'ill' quite quickly and he said I should go lie down, took me up to a bedroom, tucked me into bed and left. As he walked out the door his friend came in, got in to bed, kissed me a couple of times and then had sex with me. I don't remember resisting, and I don't remember speaking at all. I remember the pain. In my mind I was saying 'no, stop, I don't want to do this', but I don't think I said one word out loud. I think I just lay there. Afterwards he talked a bit about what my parents would say if they knew what I was like and what would my friend's parents do when they found out we'd lied. Then he said that I better just hope that he could keep a secret or I'd get into trouble. Then he left. I stayed there for a long time, hours maybe, till my friend found me and we left.

I spent a long time terrified someone would find out and then my parents and my friends parents would find out that I'd lied and what I'd done. I never told anyone. It was years later ... many years later ... before I realised that I hadn't been 'sexually active' at fourteen after all.

[and yes, I know what it was, people don't have to say]

No, I think I snogged someone at 14/15, that's all.

Yes. I was 13, he was 14. He lived three doors down from me and he was very nice, I still say hi to him when I'm home visiting my parents as he bought his mum's house and now lives there with his wife and her DS.

I don't remember it being thrilling but I don't regret it, I never gave sex much thought and so it has never been a huge deal to me. I don't remember having good sex until I was 16 - it was with my best friend, who is still a good friend but is very firmly gay

sincerely

No... I was 15, although it was 2 weeks before I was 16. I was ready, it was mutually agreed on with my then-boyfriend, who I continued to see until he left school for college, and I don't regret it at all. I was definitely mature enough at 15, however at 14 I would probably hae been grossed/weirded out?
My first kiss was at 13 and I ran away crying lol

Flighty, I'm glad the guy didn't push it and IKWYM but really that should be a baseline not something to be grateful for

Noooo. I was still a flat chested, skinny hipped kid. I started periods at 17.

14 for me was still a child. I couldn't even fathom why my peers were so keen to get it on so quickly. Plus I was terrified of ending up pregnant (unlikely!) and without qualifications.

Sexually active yes, although I didn't loose my virginity until I was 16. Interestingly, I don't regret the experiences when I was 14 & 15 and always felt in control. I do regret the first time I had sex. It was a new, older boyfriend and I was very pressured. Found it harder to say no once it was legal!

Sincerelyyours, I'm angry for you. That total creep.

No, not even close.

No, was far too shy

No. not sexually active until 18 actually. I think 14 is very young. I have a 14 year old and she is still very vulnerable, still trying to figure out who she is, still growing up - literally as well as mentally. Can't imagine her in a sexual relationship. Ditto my ds at that age (he is 17 now). They both have friends who look/ed like grown men and women at 14 - I think it is harder for teens like that because there is a presumption they are grown up enough but in fact they may still be trying to figure themselves out sexually.

I accept all of you who say you were ready at 14 and don't regret it. But I wasn't and my children certainly aren't ready.

Sincerely that was awful - I too am angry for you.

Yes. Unprotected.
Everyone was banging on about it so I thought I should get on and see what it was like.
I had a very forward boyfriend.
But I didn't tell anyone about it.

I shudder to think about it now....

No. I went to an girls' school and my only contact with boys was at the young peoples' group at church

God no, I think I was probably still playing houses when I was 14

Didn't DTD until I was 16 .
But by 14 I'd done everything else.

Sex as in being penetrated with a penis, scared me.

Other things didn't.

I was curious. Everyone else was doing it and I wanted to see what it was like.