"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

The 20k was for two years fees , we were very confident of paying the money back in less than two years, we would have paid the 20K back in just over 18 months when we finally sold the business.

The story went on that DD1 was happy at her eventual "Modern" school 25 miles away( the schools best results in year 13 coming out with ABB at A2). living with her dad she refused a chance to go the grammar at YR9 or a private school. By 2009 Mum/Dad Brother offered (I begged her) the chance of Private or to take an exam when a place became available at 2 local grammars.

I am going to back worra on this and go one step further, IMO your sister should with draw the offer and stay NC with you, you should extremely hard work.

Smoke I too live in a mortgage free house - because I paid it off. I still need to work full time to pay for food, heating, clothes etc.

How are you able to support a family of four with no wage coming in? I know you said in your other thread that you do not claim any benefits and clearly exH doesn't help you out financially. I have to admit I could not have supported myself and 3 others on a part-time age.

Sorry - I didn't recall from your previous thread that you had worked part time for a friend.

• Sound not Should

Smoke the dynamics and expectations of your wider family are atypical and unhealthy.

You don't seem to realise that. Most posters here do. That is what is creating the gulf in understanding and interpretation.

Therapy would be a good idea.

You would be much happier if you could unmesh yourself from your parents and put some healthy boundaries in place.

Smokepole - have you apologised to your sister for putting her in that position in the first place? Because, like pretty much everyone else on this thread, my sympathies are with her not you.

And can you explain how you intended to pay your sister back the money she was supposed to lend you for the school fees? Given that you don't work, and don't see the need to work.

Fwiw, I have a sister who is pretty well-off. She and her dh both work, have no children, and they have plenty of savings, can afford an expensive house which they've had lots of work on, etc etc - and I would not dream of asking her for money to fund my dses' educations!

DH has started earning more recently, to the point where fot the first time in our lives we have savings. The financial advice we got was to have savings (can be ISAs) of £20k bwfore thinking about extra outlays such as school fees or expensive jolidays. Obviously, that is mot what a lot of people do, but this was wise counsel from people who see buisinesses going under and people losing their home or possessions for not keeping up with payments. So she has been wise with her money, and resisted pressure from family to spend her financial security buffer.

So if you had borrowed the money off her 7 years ago, would you have paid it back by now? Did your DC go to an independent school?

If it is of any interest, I am the youngest of 4 and our oldest sibling has always been very well off compared to us (bought a house in the 70s and sold it in the 80s). Our parents set up trust funds for each of us, each with £10k in. Mine had nothing in it because I had borrowed £7k for a house deposit and I wasn't able to pay it back because interest rates were through the roof back then. It was a good work around which calmed one sibling who didn't like that I'd had help with a deposit and they hadn't.

Sorry about all the typos, but you get the gist!

Katie. You talk a lot of sense , particularly about the need to start paying NI contributions again. ( however I have 24 years of contributions and I think they have changed the rules and 24 years now = a full state pension ) I do not have any form of a "private Pension" 22 years working in a family business from 14 years of age, and my Mum/Dad did not think of starting a Private pension for me, but would rather spoil me with Cars Clothes and Watches!. ( a bit short sighted don't you think).

I am unlikely to get employment from anyone who is not linked by either friendship or family, other than in "unskilled"lowly paid work. Mum/Dad would rather drip feed money to me, rather than start a new business (expect some rude comments about me).

The Open University course is in Social Science, it is something that interests me (quite possibly won't get employment out of it). I could not do up to 6 years study in some-thing that bores me for a chance of employment?.

I just told my dsil that I was missing important information and have just discovered that as the older sibling it was her job to put dh dc through private education if they didnt qualify for grammar. I also asked her when I should start looking for ds2, after all she has lots of money sitting in the bank.

She fell about laughing.

Op get over yourself, you need to do what the rest of us do and work.
For what its worth I work in a supermarket and find your attitude of superiority over me extremely offensive.
What gives you the right to think that you are too important to work for a living, doing whatever it legally takes to live the lifestyle you want.

You ran a good business into the ground with poor management practice(not training your staff properly in the order system etc-I read some of the last thread) and blamed everyone except yourself.

Get over yourself your sister deserves better.

Why couldn't you start your own private pension?

24 Years does not = full state pension, 30 years does.

Why didn't you mortgage your house for the school fees?

Do you think that it is the job of everybody else to do things for you?

Bloody hell. Sorry OP but you're bonkers.

How can you be confident that you'd have sold the business in 18 months and being able to pay her back? There could have been any sort of financial crash which affected things.

I've got more than 20k sat in the bank and wouldn't lend it to my brother for school fees. But then he wouldn't ask either.

Lots of kids don't pass the 11plus and manage with the secondary modern alternative.

Am I right in thinking you don't work? If school fees were that important I'm sure you could work all hours at a minimum wage job to get 10k a year.

I feel sorry for your sister, really sorry.

Oh sorry. Forgot your post where you said you work for your family business but don't take a wage. You said someone had to.

Well they don't. You chose to. And if the business is doing so badly who would want to buy it? You should have walked away and got a proper job.

There are Soc Sci undergrad courses taught in Kent that have a strong vocational relevance. You could transfer directly onto year two once you have enough credit. Or onto the first year, using a couple of OU modules as entry quals?

www.canterbury.ac.uk/study-here/courses/undergraduate/applied-criminology.aspx

www.canterbury.ac.uk/study-here/courses/undergraduate/social-work.aspx

www.kent.ac.uk/courses/undergraduate/65/social-policy

www.kent.ac.uk/courses/undergraduate/887/social-sciences-with-year-in-professional-practice

Do you think that it is the job of everybody else to do things for you?

This.

How old are you? 40?

Time to cut the apron strings and find some gumption.

My house was given as Security to the bank , to extend the bank loan to enable us time to sell the Business.

We left Mum/Dads house untouched in case the business was not able to be saved as their house is worth about £900K which would have been enough to start again . (that was the back stop ) Their house was "Debt Free" we were not going to borrow a penny against it under the circumstances.

This is a joke isn't it?

Thank You Very Much Arsenic. I will be looking at those options very carefully!

It's not 'your' house at all is it?

Do you have anything at all that Mummy and Daddy didn't give you? Don't you think you'd feel better if you did something on your own?

Come on Smoke give yourself a kick!

Wow.

If i were you, I'd refuse to go on the holiday until she shows you her will in which she leaves £20k to you to make up for what she should have given you all those years ago.

And in the spirit of the original sibling pact, she should sign it in blood and spit.