"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

I cannot understand why your Sister is interested in "making up" with you. You sound like an "entitled Loon".

My Mum And Dad are quite well off

So sponge off them instead of your poor sister.

And why do you post on AIBU? You clearly have no intention of listening to anyone who doesn't agree with you.

In all honesty, I don't think you should go smokepole. Your only considering goi g because your sister has apologised half heartedly. Until you can accept that you don't have a right to what is hers, and she has complete say over how she spends her money, time and how she enjoys life, what her values are, then a holiday where you are under the same roof will go wrong.

I hope your sister leaves the lot of you in Austria, you all sound really awful.

Smokepole if your dsis had 20k "sitting in the bank" and a child, like you've said, I highly doubt that money was doing nothing.

^^ This.

When I had that kind of money it was earmarked for a deposit for a house or doubled up as a safety net against unemployment ( which we missed few months after buying first house as employment then hit out of the blue).

If I had it now - which I don't - it would be a safety and earmarked for my DC future.

It wasn't doing anything but it had a purpose.

If the wider family held property - why wasn't that sold to pay for schooling - why did it fall to an older sister who already had DC who would have to have taken her DC future into account before emptying savings?

It does sound like this older sister is the scape goat of the family - god know why she wants to have contact.

Though I do remember the OP's DD lying thread - mainly as OP was so odd and very hard on her second DD - and I was amazed she had a brother willing to be so generous to her and her DC.

She has forgiven you for freezing out of her families life for 7 years yet you can't forgive her for not giving you money for school fees - if you had no food or were homeless or facing eviction I could understand.

Don't know what the story is with your parents and whether she should have bailed them out, I don't know what her finances are like - her husband would have a say surely before chucking thousands down the drain at a failed business venture and a person living beyond their means as in luxuries such as private education.

Yabu - the freezing her out of family celebration over your own shortcomings is disgusting and you are lucky she has forgiven you.

I don't think you should go. You shouldn't inflict your grabby, entitled, needy personality on to your poor sister for the duration of a holiday.

How cheap is this school you wanted to send your child to? £20k would only get through 4 terms here.

Completely wasted if there is no other funding in line to pay the rest.

It's threads like this that really make me hope that the OP turns out to be a troll.

The sense of entitlement is staggering. I couldn't be arsed reading the whole sorry saga and gave up. This one will go the same way.

The facts about finance are all in the other thread.

What are my "means" and how am I living ? .

I live in a 3 Bedroom house in the Dover area worth £250k with no Mortgage. I worked part time up until April , when my friend sold their business and it did not need me any more.?

I do not need to work in Aldi, Sainsbury's or any other supermarket, this seems to get people angry from the previous post.

The house in Whitstable was bought by Mum/Dad after they sold the business in 2009.

I was hoping for posters to say , "I hope you and your sister can mend the broken fences and re-forge a loving and caring relationship to each other"

Instead I have got its a "Troll" thread, your a TWAT , Grabby , your Poor Sister E.T.C......

I hope you and your sister can mend the broken fences and re-forge a loving and caring relationship to each other.

You'll need to apologise, obviously, to help this happen, but I hope you do mend fences.

Also, 20k wouldn't have lasted long paying for fees so I think it would have been pointless anyway.

Your hopes and expectations of other posters' reactions to this thread are quite telling really.

I started off by saying just that op....however with YOUR constant references to all things financial....it's just made you sound like one of life's takers....

Wow you sound very entitled Your sister sounds quite patient and generous

Instead I have got its a "Troll" thread, your a TWAT , Grabby , your Poor Sister E.T.C

You reap what you sow.
How about for once YOU take responsibility for you terrible behaviour and apologise to her. I don't recall anyone calling you a twat, maybe that's just your conscience subliminally giving you hints.

Smoke - a business is only worth what people are prepared to pay for it.
You posted at length in your previous thread about how your parents business went downhill. AFAIR you said it was losing money due to fights etc outside pubs and general bad publicity and because it was sold your DP couldn't afford to pay the school fees (although the money seems to have reappeared in their bank accounts). At the same time your DBs business was also in trouble and he couldn't help you either. I think those are the brief details - sorry if I've got any details wrong.

DSis would have been made to jeopardise her own family's financial security to pay unnecessary school fees, having seen not one but two family businesses in trouble. Since your DP sold their businesses you haven't worked and couldn't have paid her back anyway. Maybe she foresaw this and that was another factor in her decision?

If your parents are still wealthy why don't they just give you the £20k to put an end to your sense of injustice? Or buy you another business to run so that you can start to earn a wage again? You need to work, so you can have a sense of self-respect, begin to concentrate on other things than this perceived sense of injustice and also to pay your NI contributions so you'll get a full state pension.

DSis has forged a life for herself outside of the family and you sound jealous of her.

You've engineered this whole situation because you wanted DSis to pay for something you could not afford and still cannot afford. You've caused a huge family rift and keep trying to push the blame onto her. Start to take responsibility for your family, stop relying on your family for handouts and accept you were wrong and give DSis a sincere apology.

If you can't do that, it would be totally hypocritical to allow her to pay for you and your DC to go on holiday

Chipped someone upthread did say she sounded like one.

Ok. If you want to mend your rs with your dsis, which I think you should, what do you think you should do to help the healing?

Christ, Smokepole, to be honest, I wouldn't have invested my 20k in you either. Your sister went her own way, worked her arse off and made her own way in life, and you expect her to come back and fund you and your daughter?

Get a grip!

You sound entitled and slightly unhinged.

Sounds to me like you're quite enjoying all this drama OP, both from this thread and your family.

PS - love how you referred to your sister in quotation marks earlier. Nice.

Katie she's worked p/t for a friend since.

Smoke it seems that any work you've done has been dependent on family and friends providing it. Your sister has forged her own opportunities. Why should you have the right to freeze her out for 7 years becauseshe wouldn't bankroll your choices?

I was hoping for posters to say , "I hope you and your sister can mend the broken fences and re-forge a loving and caring relationship to each other"

Hand on heart I honestly couldn't say that.

I just hope your sister keeps her distance from you, whilst maintaining some form of contact...like perhaps a weekly phone call or something.

Polite but distant is the best I could wish for her.

I don't understand what you don't understand about decency and standing on your own two feet.

Can't see any problem in your sister deciding her own path at 18. For this she has been punished by your family ever since? For not doing things exactly the way they wanted? Cannot blame her in the slightest and really admire her for standing up to her toxic family.

Sorry Ilove I found toxic, unhinged, dick and hypocritical but not twat.

Can't say I disagreed with any of them, though!