"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

You can't transfer to a Kent University course if you're moving up north to be funded by your brother, surely?

Smokepole - have you apologised to your sister for putting her in that position in the first place? Because, like pretty much everyone else on this thread, my sympathies are with her not you.

And can you explain how you intended to pay your sister back the money she was supposed to lend you for the school fees? Given that you don't work, and don't see the need to work.

I feel we are flogging a dead horse here!

X post

Smoke you seriously need to step away from your parents and get some therapy.

If one of my children turned out like you I would now that I had done my job wrong and would be ashamed of my child and myself.

You are the classic example of the spoiled baby of the family. Your sister saw this and refused to pander to you. Your familys reaction to cut her out was cruel and wrong.

You disgust me.

know not now

As for the poster who suggested therapy - even if the OP wanted it I think she's incapable of engaging. You need to take personal responsibility and want to effect change.

Arsenic that's really lovely of you to have taken the time to look and link to those courses.

It will be a waste of time though, what if it bores her? Or, leads to a low paid job?

Shocking!

I read the other thread and contributed (name changed since).
I'm actually glad that your sister is around to provide a better example to your daughters, If they follow her lead they'll work hard, be self motivated and self sufficient.
Or they can hold their hands out, bemoan life's bumps in the road as not their fault and scrounge off the faaaamily.

I think you should be getting your affairs in order. Is your house in your name? You have had no salary for years and have been paid in kind so hopefully the house is yours. Otherwise if something happened to your parents I presume every asset would be split three ways. Would that be enough to live on for the rest of your working life? Your parents have done you no favours as I expect you realise and I think it's time now to start standing on your own two feet and showing your children a good work ethic.

It's 30 years NI contributions for a full state pension, Smoke.
It sounds like your parents have not had your best interests at heart here if they did not advise you to start a pension fund and allowed you to sign over your house as collateral against their debts. You need to be planning for your future as well as your present by getting a job. Lots of us earn low wages and yes, we have to scrimp and save, but we are paying our own way, paying NI and towards a private pension.
Your parents could suffer another financial reverse that means they lose their house and savings. A buyer might not pay £900k for their house - that is only paper money, not real hard cash.
Good on you for doing an OU degree but there's no reason why you can't work full time and do it at night. That what a lot of people do.
Seriously, do you really want to teach your children to sit back and let family pay for everything rather than go out and do a days work? Pretty son there would be no family money left.

I would say 'I hope you and your sister can put the past behind you, forgive and forget etc' but as your sister is considered to be in the wrong and your sister seems to be the only one having to pay to have her olive branch considered, I can't see it happening. My thoughts are, with the bare facts that have been posted, i would suggest your sister should not have tried to heal the rift as she will have to pay financially for the rest of her life and it will be passed onto her own children.
Gosh families can not be picked but friends can is so apt in this case!

You do sound as though you are in a very vulnerable position smoke.

What will you do if the remaining support fromyour parents evaporates for some reason?

You also sound a bit brainwashed TBH.

Yes it Is my House I did earn money for 24 years , I bought the house outright in 2000 for £135K. (My money saved up from wages) I spent 15k on it and is now worth £250K.

Are you part German? I'm just reminded by the capital letters.

Is there a north easterly tide in thanet today and you are unable to leave the house for fear of getting blown over?

Sorry, I read that you hadn't taken a salary full stop, but you said it was only for a year. My mistake.

And then you let your parents use it as collateral for a business loan!? Instead of their house!? And more to the point they asked? They allowed it?

No wonder you are angry at your sister, Her sense of appropriateness and boundaries is well set. Yours is not. And your parents' most certainy aren't.

Your parents are the key to this mess aren't they?

Dover isn't in Thanet owl

I thought she was in Margate. She sounds bonkers enough to be

Ha!!

That's half an hour of my life that I'll never get back.

Neither intrigued nor annoyed. I feel sorry for your sister though.

I can't wait to tell my dsis that because she is the oldest that she should pay for school fees for my dc. I might suggest she also, by rights buys our new car and pays for holidays next year. After all, as the oldest, doesn't everyone think she really should.
I mean, I never asked to be the youngest but I ought to get this out of it.

Ps. Love you dsis!