"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

Her ex is another freeloader financed by the family, apparently.

Op it's nobodies business concerning your ex, he is an ex for a reason so the family should not be interfering in that. But apart from that, grow up, stop making your sister feel guilty fir something that is not her fault! It is not her responsibility to bail you out, school fees are a luxury item not a basic need. She should not be made to feel guilty for not bailing out your parents, it's not selfish, they are adults and the business is their responsibility. She us successful because if the decisions she has made and should and her motivation, you and the family are not her responsibility. yOU are responsible for yourself! The entitlement on her is astounding!

Okay Smoke - you're getting the hard truth once again.

you have to let the past go. You once worked in your parents' business, which went bankrupt, and used to drive fancy cars. That was then and this is now. Move on and accept who you are now and then plan how you can make things bette.

You have a responsibility to teach your children to be independent adults who do not rely on family to give them optional extras like private schooling, cars they don't actually need or want or ponies (proposed gifts from DB in other thread).

During all your years of working for your parents you have gained many transferrable skills and also many business contacts. Start to use these, even if it means taking a lower-paid job. Set a good example to your DC. Remember how your parents and your brother had business setbacks and make sure you can looks after your family.

And apologise to your sister. She has dared to break out from the rather claustrophobic family you described in your other thread. That is not a crime. She has every right to lead her own life. But you do not have the right to demand money from her, have a 7 year huff and turn your parents and brother against her. You should never have told them in the first place and most of the blame for the family rift is on your shoulders. take responsibility for your actions and maybe then your family can start to heal.

So tell us about the excellent job prospects you turned down in order to work for your parents...

I agree with pp. Maybe your dsis doesn't really want you there.

Have you considered going back to studying yourself. Might set your dcs a good example about sticking in and also help you see there is life after school. If you don't get the qualifications you think you could have achieved, you have your whole life to rectify that.

WHY SHOULD YOUR SISTER GIVE YOU MONEY? This is the problem. Your sense of entitlement!

So you wanted money so your DD didn't have to go to public school?

This pact sounds childish, she is allowed to change her mind. Yes she should have paid you back for the tutoring though.

I haven't read any of the back story stuff ..BUT I'm probably in the small minority. I'm an eldest and I do see it as my moral responsibility to help my siblings, as far as I am able. I have never been in a position to help financially but would if I was, and have helped in a range of practical ways.
I do think every family operates differently and it seems as if the sisters behaviour was considered hurtful and surprising.

But, yes go. Explain it wouldn't be appropriate for ex to come. Go and really try to make it up.

Spot on, Katie

Blimey I bet your sister is hoping you don't go....

Totally agree KatieK

justice the OP is doing a course - OU I think. I can't quite see what work it will lead to though.

I lovesooty. He earns just over £200 Per week working as a Night Porter , you know that from the previous thread. you also know he was a Regional Manager of a Night Club P.L.C that went "bust" and can not get any other employment at this time so lives in Whitstable in one of Mum/Dads properties. You also know he can not afford any payments to me or to his kids.

Smokepole if your dsis had 20k "sitting in the bank" and a child, like you've said, I highly doubt that money was doing nothing. Also your story is becoming inconsistent. If your sis had 20k why would she need you to pay for tutors for her child?

The mystery continues

What? You made a pact? How old are you? :S that aside, your sister is an adult and perfectly entitled to change her mind and do so with her money what she pleases. You should be apologizing to your sister.

My name is littelmslazybones,

you might recognise me from my posts on the following thread topics:

Jesus Christ, why is breastfeeding so painful?
Where's a good place to go camping in the Lake District and
Why does the housework never end?

I think you are ridiculous.

hth

So, your mum and dad still have properties? Why couldn't one of those be sold and used for school fees?

It will take time to mend a broken relationship. We've only just started speaking to dh's brother's family after 5 years. Time has shown we needed the break from each other and not to live in each other's pockets being jealous of each other instead of accepting we choose to live differently.

Things can never ever be the same again for us but we can try and not put pressure on each other.

Go on the holiday and realise that it won't be mended in a week, and will take time.

You indicated that he'd been in and out of work and was being supported to live rent free.

All this bollocks makes my family seem like the fucking waltons.

Smoke why are you so insistent on living beyond your means at the expense of your family? You sound like a twat if I'm honest.

Katie Kaye. My parents Business Did not go "Under" they sold it in 2009 and got half what they might have got due to Debts . My Mum And Dad are quite well off.

Must be exhausting scratching around to try and live a life you can't afford....

If your parents are wealthy why didn't they help you with fees??

Why on earth did they expect your sister to bail you out with her bit of savings....