"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

I don't think we should be judging the thread or deciding whether it should be deleted.
smokepole seems to suffer enough disempowerment at other people's hands without other posters seeking to make that decision for her.

Thanks @Arsenic. I needed that reminding why it's counter-productive to give a damn about anonymous people on the Internet.

Smokepole - can I ask what business your parents had, and what your role was in that business? As others have said, you must have learned some marketable skills that you could use to help you become independent.

Secondly - and this is a somewhat personal question, but I have a good reason for asking it - do you pay any tax on the money that your parents give you? The reason I ask is that, were your parents to die, and if you had not been paying tax on the money that they gave you, you would, in all probability, become liable for the tax on all the money they had given you for the previous seven years - ie. 40% of £1500 x 12 x 7 (the monthly payment you say they are giving you, times 12 months, times 7 years). By my calculation, that is a tax bill of £50,400.

She has earned 90k through this arrangement so I doubt she has a tax liability of 50k

Earlier in the thread she said that this arrangement has only been 5 years I am confused now

I was projecting forwards, assuming that the OP's parents are going to survive for a number of years, during which they carry on giving the OP £1500 per month. My understanding of tax law is that, if someone is given cash gifts of over a certain amount per year, and the donor dies within 7 years of giving the gift, inheritance tax kicks in, and the recipient has to pay tax on the gift of money that they were given.

Essentially, if in the 7 years leading up to the OP's parents' death, she carries on receiving the amount she is receiving now, that will add up to a cash gift of £126,000 over those seven years, on which she would have to pay inheritance tax at 40%, based on current tax rules (if they have not changed in the interim), which does add up to £50,400.

Read both threads, there goes half of Sunday... can't help suspecting that at least part of the reason the business went to the wall was that the parents were siphoning far too much out of it when times were good, so there were insufficient reserves when things became tougher. Then they effectively snaffled their daughter's whole share when they sold out, but that's all right because they're paying her a dribble of maintenance (following years of hard work and moderate pay, including a year of no pay at all, while they - what? Sat on their asses and let the profits roll in?). No doubt the older sister saw this happening and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers, the old vultures aren't getting hold of my savings. And rightly so by the sound of it.

It seems to me that the OP, for all her... idiosyncratic... political views etc, isn't the one who should be getting a pasting here.

You don't pay tax on gifts do you. There may be an inheritance tax bill if the estate is worth more than £650, 000 (joint estate for both parents) and if the parent dies within 7 years of the gift being given, but that's it.

Does the tax get taken out of the estate rather than being the ops personal tax responsibility? Genuine question because I'm not sure.

Their house alone is worth more than that, apparently, so yes, there would.

Inheritance tax is what I was talking about - yes. I was sure I remembered hearing (maybe on MoneyBox Live on Radio4) that you could pay the tax upfront on cash gifts, if you thought inheritance tax was going to be an issue.

You were lucky your parents gave you a job with those grades, doubt anyone else would have.

I don't think it was you doing them a favour.

If I was your sister I would never contact the lot of you again.

I can't find anywhere that says that you can pay tax on gifts because it isn't income. Someone with more expert knowledge might help and I suppose it's a bit of a side issue on this thread.

It is possible that I didn't listen sufficiently carefully to the Radio 4 experts on the subject of tax on gifts.

Pretty sure it comes out of the estate. There is an allowable amount per year but after that it's taxable.

My Mum died shortly after my wedding and the estate had to pay 40% on the cost, as she had just put money into my account rather than pay the bills direct.

That was my a good phone call to the revenue.

Also, how do your siblings feel about it. Is your parents estate to be split 3 ways?

Do your siblings think you were hard done by from the sale, or do they think your parents are helping?

I have friends who get an income from their parents but it is set up as a proper trust which pays an income rather than just making one off payments.

They do also have jobs too.

Are you ok op?

Well given that you understand that you were unreasonable towards your DSis and her saving - then yes I do think going on this holiday and mending bridges would be a good thing.

Your DSis has managed to walk away for what read like controlling parents - so yes having a good relationship is going to be good for you.

I would talk through with her about how you actually feel about your ex being there - because reading it seems like that more your parents wishes than something coming from you or her.

Given that you have a house and money coming in I think it a good time to try for some more independence from your parents - while things are financially comfortable rather than waiting till harder times. They don't seem to have behaved well in respect to the selling of the family business - so independence from them sound like it would be a good thing.

Looking a diagnose for yourself and starting a degree do sound like positive first steps.

So yes building bridges- sound like a good thing for you to do.

Annie,

The business did not go to the wall though did it?

If a business can be sold for 1.2M, it cannot be on the verge of liquidation.

I have not read all the threads (not got the time) but I am assuming this happened around 5 years ago. As the OP has said parents are now 70, 5 years ago would coincide with when they would want to take retirement.

I think retirement is the real reason they sold up although I have no doubt they lost some trade when licencing times were changed.

I think all this about "a sinking ship" and "their last chance to sell before the business goes under" is absolute BS they have used to pressurize OP into selling off her shares at £1.

OP is now put in a position where she is financially dependent on them.

Ironically if OP claimed benefits, she would get around £450 a month ESA, 2 lots of CB, 2 lots of CTC and possibly PIP. This would all tot up to about the £1500 mark, but she would not have to go cap in hand to her parents.

Based on what OP has said she would probably get in the WRAG of ESA and so would get support and assistance in getting a job. If she got 16 hours as a single mum she would then get WTC too, and be far better off.

OP you have a choice. If you want to be treated like a child for the rest of your parents lives then crack on. If you want to be self-sufficient, go for it! It will be tougher but you will feel far better off in the long run.

If the only reason you do not like your sister is the school fees, that is bang out of order.

I suspect you are jealous of your sister as she has her independence, has a job, savings and a nice house. Most important you are envious that she does not have to live a life complicated by MH problems. It is not fair, why did she get a healthy mind and you did not? I am afraid you just have to suck that one up. Life can be a bitch and no-one wants to be disabled. However it is not her fault you are ill, so just make up.

Hope you're ok smoke.

A brand new thread when you're ready might be a good idea.

I think it was the assets, in the form of property which realised that price, thinking of Smokes previous thread.

Smoke, hoping you are okay too.

Cannot believe how cruel some people are being to a clearly very vulnerable person. I've asked MNHQ to pull the thread but no action so far. Would you really treat someone like this irl?

I don't see why people are being cruel or mean.

She has received some very good advice on here, which might not be what she was expecting but may be helpful in the long run.

Im fine, been tied up with "family" Mum and Dad today so have not posted.

SDTG. The family accountants have said, it is not liable for tax , because it is classed as "Expenses" . I don't know why, I just accept what they say.
If I end up in the shit regarding tax liabilities , that's just hard luck I suppose .

Smoke. Take some responsibility.

Get some independent advice. You are in control of your own life and being saddled with a £50k tax bill and no source of income if the worst happened is not 'hard luck', it will be a choice that you have made by not taking responsibility for your own decisions.

I'm not trying to be mean, I completely see why you are in this situation but you are not helpless and need to put yourself and your children first.

Or will you be expecting them to provide for you when your parents stop?

FannyFifer. It was 24 years ago I left school (with "Zero Help" ) as in them old days , there was no help. (who knows what grades I might have got with a bit of help?).

Posters on here might not believe this but 4/5 D grades at GCSE in 1990 was probably above average anyhow ?. (thank god education has got better, my experiences possibly cloud my views on schools).

People should do research before making assumptions that are widely inaccurate , based on what is normal or average today.