"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

I agree re: volunteering. Volunteer work really boosted my confidence as well as making me feel worthwhile and appreciated. The great thing about this sort of work is that you can be flexible and ease yourself in. There is a lot less pressure. Volunteering was one of the key factors that helped me recover from my severe mental illness.

Just 3 weeks until diagnostic assessment is positive.

A firm answer to that question could really help you look at some other aspects of your life.

I had to sign over my shares because the buyer of the business was not prepared to pay for my stake. Mum and Dad assured me that they would not see me short and would look for a "Business " for me to run. The business never happened , so here I am now, Confidence "shot" and relying on the good will of family members to see me through.

It is out of necessity that I look to my brother, not through wanting to. The Private school , Pony and Car offerings come from him to encourage me to move near him . I have not asked for any of them by the way, they have just been offered as as a sweetener by him to entice me.

that's bad, no doubt. but why the hell would you be thinking about private school when in such a situation?

I would like to retire and relax all day. but I don't try and make it happen because its a vastly unrealistic option. Surely yiud be better off taking any school/pony money that's on offer and setting up a business or retraining so you can get out of this financial mess and provide for your children going forward.

I think you live in the place high where the fog hits? En route to Dover? And yr school is now run by a local philanthropist?
I work in Pokestone so it's all making sense to me.
Op sounds to me like you do need to either get into full time study or get a job, doesn't matter how menial you see it as but it will fulfil you!
How old are your children? The grammar has its own test now which helps judge children a bit better on their abilities

Is this for real? I mean it can't be. Surely.

I left my Modern School with 4 D grade GCSEs and went to work for my parents (some-one had to)

Thank god for your parents and brother or you'd really have to rough it. Forget school fees.

What price did the business sell at and what was your % equity?

It is out of necessity that I look to my brother, not through wanting to. The Private school , Pony and Car offerings come from him to encourage me to move near him . I have not asked for any of them by the way, they have just been offered as as a sweetener by him to entice me.

No, it isn't 'necessary'. You don't have to keep selling yourself like this. You can politely but firmly refuse your brother's 'enticements' and start building your own life.

Raith are you Deborah Meadon

I am about as fat as her Only!

Smoke why have you not been given a lump sum or (??) 'bought a business'?

You know the answer, I think. You almost sound as though you're hinting at it.

Your parents and your brother have a toxic, enmeshed dynamic going on and they WANT to keep you dependent.

Your sister has broken away from the dysfunction and you viciously resent her for it? Why? Wouldn't you rather have ssome independence too?

The Private school , Pony and Car offerings come from him to encourage me to move near him . I have not asked for any of them by the way, they have just been offered as as a sweetener by him to entice me

But you don't have to accept anything, but you will because your a troll freeloader.

I think right now smoke you are in "the sick role". You cannot do this, you cannot do that and are relying on parents to "help" you.
Seems your parents are very good at helping take your money.
You had an equity stake in a business and was persuaded to give that away for £1.
I would cut all ties and get a civil law advocate.
Arsenic is right, this is toxic and not normal.

Bang on, arsenic, that's exactly how it reads.

Smoke, I think other posters are right. There are a lot of things you are asking for help about (even if you don't realise you are asking for help) and lots of people on here who can help you. But threads this like one aren't going to help.

A 'real' physical uni with a disability support unit could really help you, by the way. Particularly a course with a placement.

Arsenic you are very wise.

Arsenic. I would love Independence , but would not be able to support my kids nor myself. The truth is I don't know what to do or where to go,.

Ralth. I have answered you question , look carefully. The family realised about half its value due to Debts brought on by Disasters and changes in people's habits on Friday/Saturday nights Based on what we got I should have got about £200k .Or 12.5%. Instead I have got Drip fed money on a monthly basis for 5 years.

Smoke,

You state here you have depression and zero confidence, and are fed up of having to 'perform for scraps' from your family. The answer is simple. Stop.

Stop accepting hand outs and live off your own steam. Going on a funded holiday with your sister, is wrong. If you can't afford to go on your own funds, dont. You are not teaching your children how to be independent, if you are accepting freebies from people you have no respect for.

If you truly valued the relationship with your sister, meet her for coffee, where you both buy your own, and talk to her. Build a relationship on common ground, where you keep your self respect instead of selling it for a holiday. She had no need to lend you money for whatever reason, that 20k was security for her own children, who must be her first priority. Accept that. Move on. Build a relationship because you want to, not for a holiday, or your parents, or whatever. If you don't want to, then don't. But don't use her for a holiday.

Question - what are you plans for when your DP depart this world. Their handouts wont last forever, have you been provided for in the will, or will it be split three ways. I can see a whole load of bad feeling happening when they depart this world, if you dont get what you think is your entitlement.

You need to find a way to fund your own lifestyle, without help from other people. Its not about it being low paid, or menial, its about the sense of pride, that the pittance you have is YOURS, YOU earnt it, you did it off your own back and you don't rely on others. There cannot be a price placed on that. When you start to feel this, I would imagine your depression gets better and your outlook on your sis changes.

You are capable, and worthy of living off your own steam. Doing so will get you some self respect, because at the moment how can you expect others to respect you, when you clearly dont respect yourself?

£1.5 k over 60 months is not 200K it is 90K.

I would be demanding the other 110K or starting legal proceedings.

You can support yourself and your kids. You just do not know it yet because you have spent so long relying on them.

I have an easy solution, tell them all to piss off.

I have never read a thread like this before, I doubt I will again. What I want to say to the OP would probably get deleted.

Do your sister a favour and thank her for the holiday offer but tell her you can't.

So hang on, your parents sold for over 1.5 million but because it wasn't as much as they wanted they kept your £200k.

I'm really sorry but I think that is financial abuse. They had no right to do that.

I realise it's all too late now and shouldn't be something else to beat yourself up about. However, understand that your parents and brother are NOT helping you.

If I were you, I would ask your sister for help. Not money, not cars, but actual emotional support that you need to get some independence. She clearly has managed it and I can see why you are resentful. But she is your sister and could really help.

Take a lowly job, Aldi pay considerably more than mw
Or do you think you are a cut above?

Arsenic. I would love Independence , but would not be able to support my kids nor myself.

I wonder who has convinced you of that?

£1500 is very doable, as an initial aim. You can earn that as a graduate in Kent. There are public sector jobs there. A Soc Sci related degree would be a good way in.

Student Loan + Parents Learning Alowance + PT work should be more than adequate for 3 or 4 years before that.

The truth is I don't know what to do or where to go,.

You'll get a lot of help here. Your posting style could do with some work though