"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

Regardless of the actual subject matter of this thread I think it is OBVIOUS that the OP has mental health issues. The nastiness, name calling and judgement here is plain bullying, the type that is rampant on teenage forums and has led to suicide attempts and in some cases, successful ones.

Some of you really need to take a look at yourselves and your reasons for being this way. I don't care if she brought it on herself by posting here and asked for opinions, she strikes me as very vulnerable and with definite issues.

Mumsnet admin I'm really surprised you are letting this continue.

I don't think it is obvious at all. How can mental health issues be obvious through the medium of written word unless they are being specifically discussed?

Op has a particular writing style which is evident in all her posts on MN.

Arsenic. My academic work from my access course last year was better than my posts on here I can assure you!

I ended up getting 70% on my EMA end of year assessment which was a 1000 words about Society and 500 words or so about your future learning plans

Well then, as you don't have a signed medical certificate let people carry on being utter wagons. Happy? Ffs.

OP, I don't claim to understand the complexities of the sale of the family business but it seems you've been given good advice about this and it might well be worth looking into the situation with legal advice.

I think it does sound as if your sister may be the best person to help you. It sounds like she really cares for you and your dc. Let the school fees thing rest, please. There was no reason she should have paid them, and even if she had wanted to, she would have been irresponsible to take on that responsibility if she couldn't guarantee them being able to stay at the school long term.

Many people have little to no hope of being able to buy a house, even with a huge mortgage still to pay, by your age. My initial thought was that if private school is so important to you, sell the house or re-mortgage it to cover the fees. However, I now don't think you should do that. I think you should keep the stability of owning the house, and accept that the children will attend state schools, and that your sister is not in any way responsible for their education. They will be fine. Private school is not the be all and end all, and certainly no guarantee of future success.

I would either go on the holiday if you can do it with goodwill, or call your sister and thank her for the offer, tell her you would like to rebuild your relationship, but think it best to do it through meeting her separately at first, without the complications of your parents/brother present. Let your parents know there is no bad feeling so that they feel better about the family situation. After that I think you need to work out, perhaps with your sister's help, whether you need to distance yourself from the family dynamic or not.

It sounds to me that your parents are treating you more like a child than a vulnerable adult. They are the ones reinforcing this belief you cannot cope on your own.
Just strike out and get some independence.

Why so uppity? We differ in opinion, as do a great many others on this thread. Ffs.

Ps. should clarify that I haven't read any of the previous posts or backstory.

Good luck with that OU degree, Smoke.
You've been given a lot to think about on this thread and I hope that you take the time to consider what has been said.

Do try to make amends with DSis - it sounds as if she could give you some good, impartial advice re your financial situation. You held down a demanding job for any years, so don't doubt your abilities. All you need is a helping hand to get you on your way.

Ralthe. I was taken to a lawyer who explained , what I was doing .
However, when the family business or "future" is in jeopardy you do things that you should not really do . Pressure and Stress is a deciding factor in many business deals. I signed over legally in front of a solicitor all my shares for £1 to the buyers of the business.

I am sure that in time I will get the amount due to me and more (that's not the point is it). Being truthful the pay at supermarkets E.T.C has nothing to do with me not wanting to work there, its a coping strategy I use to avoid the fear of being turned down for employment.

What do you want to do? Do you want to make up and let bygones be bygones?

Is there even a question here, or are just posting posts for the sake of it.

Getting along with your sister is more important than her not lending money.

I'm sure your academic work is fine (that's a great mark).

I meant 'posting style' as in 'tone'.

Being truthful the pay at supermarkets E.T.C has nothing to do with me not wanting to work there, its a coping strategy I use to avoid the fear of being turned down for employment.

That's very honest.

And another point in favour of volunteering.

Op - people get turned down for employment all the time. It can be crushing, but they're not really rejecting you as an individual person. Do keep that in mind.

You mentioned upthread that you wanted to work with children with Autism. Have you considered training to be a teaching assistant?

With regard to you being taken to a solicitor. That was your parents solicitor, yes? Did you have any independent legal advice of your own, prior to that? Because that really doesn't sound right and potentially could be challenged.

I am surprised people are engaging again as I honestly had op pegged as a fantasist.

I am afraid I agree with martha and I think it's glaring obvious something is afoot, whatever it maybe.

Smokepole - do you accept that it was wrong to expect your sister to pay for your child's education? It was her money, her saving and you had no right to treat her so badly for not wanting to give it to you. She is owed the biggest apology you can manage.

Have we even covered the ex husband yet? The op's mum and dad fund him too regardless of the fact they are divorced and pay for his house and car. He pays no maintenance etc.

There is something very wrong with this. You are a grown woman!!!!!

SDTGis. Out of desperation and worry, you ask for things that you would not ask for in different circumstances.

Alvis . No it was not my Parents Solicitor, He clearly explained that he could not advise me to sign the Shares away. When you are worried senseless , about your family, your home and that the "sale is your families last chance" you sign regardless of advice. You Get off the Sinking Ship and in to the nearest life boat, you do not look for the best life boat.

Yes - but stop making excuses for your parents. Was it their idea you sell your shares for £1? Did they never suggest selling at a lower price and keeping the split.

I don't know about selling businesses but this sounds very wrong.

Get some counselling, take some responsibility for what you have done and how you can make it better from now on.

Your parents own a 900k house. Why could they not downsize to a mere 700k one and give you the difference when the sale went through?

I find this thread really frustrating. When my parents took my life savings and left the country, putting me on the streets, I had to rely on myself. I got a small rented house, claimed my incapacity and DLA, got my cleaning job, had a son and set up a business.
Just because you have MH issues it does not make you incapable of looking after yourself or your children. When I had my son I needed social services support, but once I got my confidence up they closed the case, but will always help me again if I get ill, and I would welcome that.
I rely on NO-ONE and that is how I like it.
You really need to get out this sick role and start doing stuff for yourself. The only reason you are not doing things is you have someone else doing them for you.

I am very sorry for you Ralth. You have had a bad time, but have come through it now and have gone on to be successful with your business.

Very Well Done !

Raffe, your story is shocking and you have done amazing things.

Sometimes things go wrong, but it's how you pick yourself up again that matters.

Raffe, your story is shocking and you have done amazing things.

Sometimes things go wrong, but it's how you pick yourself up again that matters.

Smoke - do you think that maybe the anger you feel about your sister and the school fees was actually misplaced and that you were really angry with your parents and the way they handled their business collapse?

I say this because you talked about desperation and worry - and in your shoes I know my main concern would be how I was going to look after my children and what our future was going to be. I don't think school fees would have entered my head after I'd signed away my share of the business for £1, leaving my parents with everything. It sounds like they walked away still wealthy and you lost everything