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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

719 replies

smokepole · 04/10/2014 11:26

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

OP posts:
drudgetrudy · 04/10/2014 19:22

Sorry but I think OP lives in a different world from everyone else. I am gobsmacked by her selfishness.
Who does live in a world where siblings are obliged to support them financially.
You may hope for help in an emergency but even then I can't imagine why you would fall out over it.
I think your sister is trying to consider your parents OP.
I suggest you drop this issue and do the same.
You don't need to be best friends but it wouldn't hurt to be civil-from what you are saying I can't see what your sister has done wrong

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:22

If you do not mind me asking OP, what mental illness do you have?

FlossyMoo · 04/10/2014 19:23

Bullshititis is my guess.

wowfudge · 04/10/2014 19:24

I must disagree with ral - as a Mancunian, it is a well known fact that most Man U fans live anywhere but in Manchester Wink.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/10/2014 19:24

I actually feel sorry for the OP (on this thread).

I completely agree that the way she describes her relationship with her sister and the expectations she and the family have about how the sister should financially support them shows she has a very tenuous grip on reality.

And the fact that she seems oblivious to the pasting she's getting on here - I don't know, it's just too weird. If I were the OP I'd be hanging my head in shame reading some of the posts.

lightgreenglass · 04/10/2014 19:26

This reply has been deleted

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raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:29

What is that Flossy? Inflammation of the Bullshits? Think I got that once after a curry.

impatienceisavirtue · 04/10/2014 19:31

I have very serious mental health issues, I do understand what it's like.

There is no mental health issue whatsoever that makes your behaviour or attitude towards your poor sister ok. I am offended that you are playing that card so many posts in.

wowfudge · 04/10/2014 19:33

There has been a lot of drip feeding. And it is all very weird.

FlossyMoo · 04/10/2014 19:35

Aha ralt You have heard of it Wink

impatience I agree with you and find the OP's use of SN and MH just to gain favor and sympathy distasteful. Sadly this is not the first time I have seen in on MN. Posters 8 pages in will suddenly announce a SN or MH issue and everyone changes tack and falls over themselves to agree with the poster troll. Bad form in my book.

Original poster
smokepole · 04/10/2014 19:36

Severe Depression for a start, self loathing .

Regarding the Autism , I have got a Diagnosis coming up in 3 weeks with a Specialist Clinical Doctor in Neuro something! Autism . Paid for by the NHS (Very Difficult to get funding for) Because my G.P wrote a letter saying that it was highly likely I had Aspergers and other Developmental problems, looking at my records from time.

I will probably get derided and laughed at here but My GP has said that if the Diagnosis comes out the way we think, I might be able to claim DLA. be Despite the ridicule on here, it does make working very difficult when suffering with Neuro difficulties.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/10/2014 19:39

I think the OP's attitude and justification of her behaviour on MH grounds are insulting to people battling with MH on a daily basis.

She is determined to see herself as a victim. Everything is someone else's fault. That may be down to a defect, but I doubt it's a mental health one.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 19:40

I know lots of people who either currently have mental health problems or have had in the past.

None of them have been so astonishingly self absorbed as the op.

It is offensive to trot out "oh I have mental health issues", many posts into a thread. A thread one which one is getting a royal pasting, with good reason.

The only person I know who comes across anything like the op does not have a (diagnosed) mental health issue. He is a horrific narcissist though, in the non medically diagnosed sense.

FlossyMoo · 04/10/2014 19:41
Hmm
BaffledSomeMore · 04/10/2014 19:42

This thread gets more and more bizarre. DLA?

ilovesooty · 04/10/2014 19:43

The only person I know who comes across anything like the op does not have a (diagnosed) mental health issue. He is a horrific narcissist though, in the non medically diagnosed sense

That's pretty much what I was thinking Alisvolatpropiis

FlossyMoo · 04/10/2014 19:44

My Hmm was to the OP not you sensible folk ilove & Ali Grin

eddielizzard · 04/10/2014 19:44

see, i think the self-loathing and depression would ease up a little if you planned to support yourself in some way. ok, you're not employable right now. you're planning on studying. great!! but you've chosen a degree that is unlikely to get you a job.

you need to start asking yourself why you self-sabotage so much.

41 is young. it is too young to not work for the rest of your life.

working and being able to support yourself is a massive confidence boost. not relying on family will do you no end of good.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:45

I just think you need to be assertive with your parents on this one. If this holiday is going to distress and upset you, you should not go and you must never forgive someone just because your parents tell you to. Forgiveness is a very personal choice and if you are not ready to forgive someone you shouldn't.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:46

You cannot make a new claim for DLA. It has been phased out for all new claimants and replaced with PIP.

BaffledSomeMore · 04/10/2014 19:49

And social work with autism. How do you see that panning out?

Original poster
smokepole · 04/10/2014 19:50

That's me getting the wrong name . Because of a lack of Knowledge about benefits.

OP posts:
raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:51

PIP is like DLA but you have a face to face assessment. I get DLA but in 2017 it will get changed over to PIP.

VSeth · 04/10/2014 19:51

I love that you think we all know you.

I would engage in more dialogue before committing to holiday

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/10/2014 19:52

Smokepole - do you accept that your sister had EVERY RIGHT to choose not to spend HER savings on YOUR children's education? And that you and your family had NO right to treat her so shabbily for making this decision?

And are you going to apologise for asking her for the money and for ostracising her for not just handing it over?