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Original poster

"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

719 replies

smokepole · 04/10/2014 11:26

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 04/10/2014 18:29

The OP is screaming out for attention, it is reflected in both of her threads. She is clearly getting a kick out of it and is using MH and SN issues to crank up more attention. She did that on her other thread too.

The OP does not want help (she has had plenty of advise on her last thread) she wants attention which is very troll like behavior to me (not calling her a troll just the behavior is similar)

soverylucky · 04/10/2014 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingIsAwesome · 04/10/2014 18:37

When autism doesnt get people on your side, try mental health ...

Chippednailvarnish · 04/10/2014 18:41

You forgot dyslexia.

ilovesooty · 04/10/2014 18:43

I'm not treating this as entertainment. The OP actually pisses me off with her attitude.

ral so glad you, like me, came out with your head held high.

Rainbunny · 04/10/2014 18:44

Well without knowing the details I would say that your sister sounds like a pretty nice person. I don't consider school fees to be essential either I'm afraid. You can survive without having your children in private school, if you needed money to pay your mortgage or put food on the table perhaps she would have acted differently? Regardless, it sounds like she is reaching out - again she is nicely making an effort and she has invited you and your children to go skiing, which I'm sure they will love. I don't know what your brother's beef with her is but I would just focus on your own relationship with her. In the big picture is it worth holding onto your anger?

KatieKaye · 04/10/2014 18:45

Smoke is getting the exactly the same advice about her career options, her dependence on her family etc on this thread as she did on the last one.
the only difference I can see is that on the last thread she got a lot of slagging off for daring to want to leave the south of England to go to Manchester. The mere idea of Manchester seemed to strangely horrify some people. Most strange...

Smoke - now you've said your dad will not move, you must consider the possibility he will cut off the money he is giving you if you do move away from him. And while DB might say he's going to give you x, y and z his wife might have very different ideas. You need to make sure that you can support yourself without relying on anyone.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/10/2014 18:46

Um, good luck getting into those schools.

Basically you're cross at your sister for not pay I for private school based on the fact that state secondary schools are shit because you didn't do very well?

Do you have any idea how ridiculous this all sounds.

And if the only reason you are moving to Trafford is the schools, perhaps you might want to take a little walk round the areas you will be able to afford to live.

Stratter5 · 04/10/2014 18:49

Afraid I agree with Flossy, Everything, and Chipped; tossing MH etc into the picture is merely ramping up the attention seeking.

The OP still reminds me very strongly of the other one that was obsessed with education; the antiques dealing granny looking for a bus wanker pal for her DGD.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 18:51

smokespole,

Back to the original post. If you do not want to go on the holiday do not go. If you cannot forgive your sister for whatever she has done then don't.

If you have been out of work for a while, there is no shame in doing some voluntary work, or even getting a minimum wage job. It is not so much about the money, getting a job would get you out mixing with people and build your confidence.

I think you are just feeling bad because you have MH issues and living with mental illness is challenging. It is not fair that some of us become disabled, but life is not fair. You may feel you have been dealt a shitty hand of cards in life, but you are always going to feel that way until you become proactive and change it.

I would recommend cutting all financial ties from your family and being self sufficient. If that means starting off on ESA+DLA that is not a bad thing. I was on incapacity for a few years when very ill and going without makes me value the cash I have now even more.

Going to a fee paid school is not the be all and end all. I have just about enough cash to send my son to fee paying when he reaches 4, but I would rather not. I went to a comprehensive and still got in Cambridge. Plus I feel I got to mix with a more diverse group of people than fee paying school students do.

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 18:53

Oh and do not move to Trafford, it is full of Man U fans, Salford is a better place.

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/10/2014 18:56

Oh I see there has been further drip feeding.

It sounds totally legit, op. Really it does

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/10/2014 19:00

Also, please stop using "" they don't mean what I think you mean them to mean.

MrsSocks · 04/10/2014 19:04

Have been watching this thread and the previous thread from the shadows until now....

....I can not believe how judging and tbh down right nasty the replies have been. Yes OP may live in a different world to the one I, and it seems many others, live in. We all have different values, ideas, expectations, views etc within our own family units based on all kinds of factors and we all measure 'the norm' using our own experiences. But how dare we judge when someone's lifestyle and opinions are different to our own! OP did not on either thread ask for financial advice or career advice and certainly did not ask to be sneered at or judge for the way that her or her family live their lives. I suggest that people stick to answering the question posed rather than aggressively asserting their own ideals.

OP I would, where you can, create peace within the family. Life is short and there is enough hatred in this world. Whether this means going on the holiday only you can decide

I hope all works out for you

MrsCakesPrecognition · 04/10/2014 19:09

MNers of Essex unite. We need a checkpoint at the QE2 crossing so we can stage an intervention on the OPs Sis if she ever tries to drive to Kent.
I hope she takes heed of the OPs lukewarm response to her attempts to be friendly, and decides to go NC instead.

Chippednailvarnish · 04/10/2014 19:11

I'm near the M11, I'll take first watch.

Mind you I went to comprehensive, are you sure you want me Mrs ?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/10/2014 19:11

I live near Chelmsford, maybe I can go and find her and have words with the poor woman.

Stratter5 · 04/10/2014 19:11

Happy to intercede further north, I could cover a section of the M1?

arabella1984 · 04/10/2014 19:12

I think that you can claim ESA if you can't work for MH reasons. You'd need to see a dr. Does 'modern' mean a school for those that don't pass 11 plus or any comprehensive/state school? We don't have that system where we live so I don't know the terms. I thought that 'secondary modern' was an outdated term but might be wrong.

Stratter5 · 04/10/2014 19:13

Oh, Chelmsford? Blast I will miss it all :(

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/10/2014 19:16

Smokepole - do you accept that your sister had EVERY RIGHT to choose not to spend HER savings on YOUR children's education? And that you and your family had NO right to treat her so shabbily for making this decision?

And are you going to apologise for asking her for the money and for ostracising her for not just handing it over?

raltheraffe · 04/10/2014 19:17

Yes, she could claim ESA and if it is a severe MH problem, DLA too. ESA is split into work related activity group and the support group. WRAG get help and assistance finding a job. People in the support group are judged as being not fit to work and they just get the benefit money.

ilovesooty · 04/10/2014 19:19

I suggest that people stick to answering the question posed

If she posed a question I must have missed it.

arabella1984 · 04/10/2014 19:20

I'd go ski-ing but not with ex. The ski-ing all day will keep you all amused.

Spindarella · 04/10/2014 19:20

Fuckinghell, run sister run! Don't look back.