"Sister wants to end 7 year dispute with me and family" (I thought about name-changing ).

[smokepole]

I know my posts either intrigue people, or annoy the hell out of them and that I could have name changed for a far balanced thread ,but I have not name changed.

Those that are familiar with me , will know that my family and I fell out with my elder sister , for not helping the family financially when able to do so. For those who don't know she refused to lend parents , or me money (but enough of the past).

Sister has asked if the kids DD1, 2 ,DS and me will go with her family skiing at Christmas in the Chalet they have rented in Austria ( fully paid by her).
Last night in a phone call she apologised in a "heart felt way" for not helping me or the family like an eldest daughter or sister should have done.

I have said the kids will be going on the holiday, I am of course in two minds whether to go ( my brother is having none of this change from his sister). The thing is Mum/Dad have been putting pressure on all of us to make up, Mum is 70 Dad is 74 so you can see why they want us to be a "family again".
Sister has even suggested my EX comes along and shares a " room with me" Mum and Dad would quite like it if me and the EX get back together (despite being Divorced for three years) . I just want to scream at my life that goes from mad- madder every week.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads.

Can you ski OP?

Don't you think it's time you stood on your own two feet, and actually started living within your means, and not what you get from your family?

You're an adult. You have children. Start paying your own way FFS.

You live in a house bought by your parents, you don't even pay rent.
You have no job, and exist on handouts from your parent.
You expect your siblings to pay your childrens' school fees.
You freeload a holiday.

Yet you STILL think your sister, the only one in your family who seems to be able to extract herself from this bizarre family web, is the one in the wrong.

Madness. Utter madness. My 17yo is more responsible than you are.

Get a job. Start paying your parents rent. Take responsibility for your finances. Start teaching your children that THEY are responsible for looking after themselves, not their extended family. As are you.

The OP doesn't want constructive advice she wants you all to join in with the personal pity party she is currently throwing herself.

She owns the house: she doesn't need to pay rent to her parents. It's her ex who's living rent free in one of their properties.

The decision on whether or not to forgive her is yours and yours alone. I would strongly advise against forgiving anyone just because that's what your parents want. Do what is best for you and you only. Otherwise you will end up begrudgingly going on a holiday with someone you cannot stand

I was going to thank OP for this amusing thread, as I haven't had my hair cut for a while and this was a nice substitute for the tales about my hairdresser's husband's bonkers parents and sister.

And then I read the identifying details.

Anyone who sees themselves as intriguing is big headed and needs to get a grip. Do you honestly think your life is that interesting to outsiders?

My House Was not Bought by my "parents" I worked for 20+ years I was paid a Decent Salary which enabled me to have over £150k in the bank by 2000 . I bought a 3 bedroom house near Dover for 135k . Please will people stop saying my parents bought the house. They paid the stamp duty of £1350 and the legal fees of £600 or £700 that's all they paid for.

My Parents have been an ever present in my life. I only moved out when I married EX. I was back living at home when DD1 was 4 and DD2 1 after numerous fall outs and bust ups with EX. I was still living at home after DS was born before trying again with EX. Despite that Parents have always tried to encourage us to stay together and as you see are still doing it. By 2000 we were both doing well I was earning £40k he was earning similar no mortgage expensive cars 2 holidays a year E.T].C.

Yes I used to go Skiing every year until 2007 since that I have not been able to afford it. kids have been on Skiing trips with School and brother though paid by Parents/Brother.

SurelyYoure do you know the OP? That would be interesting to hear about

Have you never heard of career progression? You acquire skills, gain experience, meet people and then move up the ladder. You have 20+ years ahead of you! I have just been made redundant at 61 and feel there us a big hole in my life. Work affords so much more than just a salary. Believe me it will help you to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future!

Is there a link to your original thread. I feel strangely drawn.

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

How do you support yourself? Pay the bills, buy food? You keep ignoring that question.

Your Ex lives rent-free in your parents property, earns a living wage but you do not get a penny from him?

Smokepole if you've been earning such a decent wage why didn't you save some money for your children's education?

The plot thickens. Ignores Do Not Feed The Troll Signs

Can't you sell the island wall property to a dfl and encourage your ex to live in a caravan on recycler caravan park? They only have to be vacated for 3 months a year
Hth

You had a fall out because your sister didn't let you dictate how she should spend her savings. If anything you should have been apologizing to her.

Just because she has money doesn't mean she's obligated to help you out from your irresponsible mess. Yes, irresponsible. As a business owner you need to be on top of your finances, like a fly on shit. If you're starting to go south and you see it going that way, either cut expenses or sell. It's not her job to bail you out. As a parent, if you can't send your child to private school, you send them to a free one just like every other parent out there.

I feel sorry for your sister. She did nothing wrong and you guys basically beat her down by excluding her, until she decided to just apologize so she could be on good terms with her parents before they die.

You need to take a good look in the mirror and work on yourself OP.

Dunno, Pretty, how many families like this can the Dover-Shepway borders generation?

Although sadly, the answer is probably "plenty"...

I will not lend anyone money. That is just my personal choice. When my business first started making cash I had a few relatives after loans and they got jack. I think if people want to loan cash they need to approach a bank

SurelyYoure do you know the OP? That would be interesting to hear about

Yes, are you saying you know the brother's wife?

I'm absolutely stunned
That is all.

I'm absolutely stunned
That is all.

The back story doesnt really matter. They fell out. Sister has offered a lovely snow covered peace offering.

If you have moved on to a point where you dont feel that situation is likely to arise again, or at any rate where you now see that she doesnt 'owe' any money just because she has it, then do go along.

I dont think your ex needs to be involved, unless this is all encroaching on his time with his kids. In which case, it's all very awkward, but if there are no stupid habits of arguing and snideness between you and him, and the chalet is big enough, then why not?

Your brother is a big boy, if he is not ready, he cant be forced. If he is likely to now be mad at you too, you will have to weigh that against your sisters offer. Can you to be friends WITHOUT the grand holiday in the chalet, and wait for him a little longer?

I took enough money to pay bills petrol in the car and to put food on the table between 2007 and 2009 . I did not earn a salary , so was not in a position to pay school fees, Ex was being made "redundant" from a industry that was failing apart at the seems, caused in part by the Labour Party's 24 hour drinking culture this that led to Night Clubs not being the only one's with late licences 2-3AM.

I get Money from Parents/ Brother to pay my way, after all I did allow my house to be used as "security" to keep the business a float. I also had to sign over my Shares for £1 so that a deal could go through to sell the business.

Smokepole, you are either a fantasist troll (in which case you are pathetic and need to get a life) or you really are actually this narcissistic and dim.

Personally, I'm hoping you're a troll as I would worry about your poor children if you are for real.

I did not need to post this thread (maybe I should not have based on my previous post). However, since I have told my life story on the previous thread, I might as well continue posting threads

Utterly bizarre thread ,your sister has been put through the ringer over the years and yet you're still 'me, me,and more me'.