Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

I never win anything either, I was quite shocked! :)

Glad it's Friday, i'm feeling a pizza, wine and David Attenborough night coming on tonight. AND NO CRYING!

Sounds good

I agree with the comment made upthread about 'good crying' btw - can be cathartic and cleansing; that's normally too 'woo' a phrase for me, but I think a good sob can be quite invigorating once you have recovered from it.

I am sure Uncle David's voice will be a balm to your soul

Haha @ 'Uncle David'!
DS and I are massive fans, good for when you just want to veg out and watch something but also educational and genuinely interesting so less TV guilt.
Yep, sometimes things need to come out, and a good cry just happens. Sometimes DS just needs a good sob, it's tough being little sometimes ( and big).

Sure the thing that just jumps out to me so many times is what a lovely mum you are! I just love the way you understand your DS, the way you talk about him, save your prize from the quiz win for him, etc. Wish I'd had a mum like you!!!

Have a lovely weekend. Stay safe.

Whitsernam, what a lovely thing to say. That's made my week.
DS is brilliant though, so I'm the lucky one.
When I rang school about the sign club the receptionist said it was full, pop him on waiting list.
Rang back 15 mins later, she'd told the sign club teacher his name, she apparently said "oh, you didn't tell me it was , he's gorgeous, I'll definitely make room for *!" So he's apparently been chatting away to this teacher
He's just great, so proud, and I'm glad to know it comes across that he's my number one cause hopefully it comes across to him as well. (Even when we're grumping at each other!)

well if you ever have any doubts as to your value and worth, take a look at your amazing little boy.
xxx

Yes, Yes. What NettleTea said.

Yes, he is a real credit to you

Thank you. Just woke up and he's in my bed with his fluffy pumpkin jumpsuit on smiling.
I really am blessed.
Thanks for all the kind words. I'm going to DS dads this am because I want to see my niece and nephew. I'll hopefully be with them the whole time and i filled my car up yesterday and got groceries for next week so won't have to stop at the petrol station/shop on way home.
Also got cheap £1.99 pay as you go phone ready for Monday . Signing statement then too when PO picks up my usual phone.

Dreamed about 'him'.
Hope you all have a nice weekend

Big steps Sure, big steps. They may seem small to you but you are starting to change the way you do things in order to make sure you aren't confronted. ie stopping being a victim and being in control.

Have a good day, make sure your phone is fully charged before you go and have a great day with your nieces. The memory will fade in time.

Have a great weekend. With you amazing boy who IS just the most massive credit to you - totally agree with the other.

Hope there won't be any upsetting incidents.

Nooo massive downer has hit. I've just escaped to "buy a bottle of wine" and have a cry in my car.
Why do I want to speak to him?

Just waiting to pull onto road, he drove past. He did a comedy wave.
I know this sounds ridiculous but I am not making this up!
I pulled into a layby and I'm properly shaking.
I've got to go back up.

Ah, too bad!
You knew you were going to be in his 'sphere' and, as feared, you saw him and he you.
You got rattled, you cried - I hope by the time you read this you have recovered a bit and are carrying on with your weekend.

What I am trying to say is that your reaction is perfectly normal - the important thing is what you do thereafter? Live your life, carry on regardless.

Every time you manage to do that, the next time you might come across him is going to be less traumatic.

You don't actually want to speak to him. You're in a location where you've known/dreaded for hours/days that you might have to bump into him. You've built something up in your head that gives you at least the illusion of control about it. It's a defence mechanism.

The shaking and physical reactions are perfectly normal. Stay strong.

If he approaches you, you know what to do. AND DO IT!

We're right behind you.

Is one of your family in contact with him? This is too coincidental...

Funky, sure had reported a while ago that DS' father lives in an area where twunt does something sports-related on weekends.

Not ruling out the non-coincidence part, however.

Sure, are you OK? How was your day at DS father's, with your niece and nephew?

Sure, are you OK? Just remember, we are all human.

I just wanted a hug from a human that likes me, there isnt one forthcoming.
I'll deal with it.

And this is the statement of a strong woman, albeit sniffly atm. I hope the w/e is being kind to you. I hope you are being kind to yourself.

I'm thinking hugs atcha.

He messaged me last night, saying that he drove past me and waved, and would i like to meet him for a coffee today.
Thing is i would. I'd like it.
Haven't replied.
It all kicks off tomorrow though, doesn't it?
Police picking up my phone and me signing the statement that'll get him arrested.
I just don't know what i want at all.
I do realise i sound pathetic.
This all just makes me feel so sad.

Him asking to meet for a coffee? Doesn't sound like he's leaving you alone which is what you hoped might happen if you just continued to ignore him. You know deep down you need the police to proceed in order to get free of this horrible man. And he is horrible. Everything you've told us about him is horrible. We only know what he is like from the things you have said, so you know he is horrible too, and he is not leaving you alone purely on your say so, so time to use the big guns.

Keep on ignoring him sure, you are so close to finally getting him out of your life. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Some uni work? A cleaning binge?

If you give in to him now you would instantly undo everything you have worked so hard on these past few weeks and you will be back to square one, bavk in his clutches and back to a miserable life for you and for your darling boy.

You won't feel sad when it's all over and you feel free and not anxious anymore

He is taking the piss! The brass balls on the man

Yes, you 'want to' meet for a coffee because you feel alone and scared and your mind tells you that meeting him might provide you with the comfort of the familiar - all v understandable.

You have not replied - well done and keep not replying
The moment will pass and you will know that the familiar also included walking on eggshells, being shouted at and sexual abuse including rape.

Nope, a nice chat over coffee is not worth that.