Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

Spook I only namechanged because ZombiePartridge did! Nothing wrong with picking up good ideas from others!

sure you've come such a long way! Reread what you wrote above if/when those thoughts about how "lovely" he could be start coming back in.

For whatever reasons, all these years somewhere deep down you felt you had to take this.

And now you don't.

AWESOME!!!

yes I know I sound ridiculous but having a small boy around has irreparably affected my vocabulary

and I wouldn't have it any other way

I'm smiling the hugest smile ever at the very sound of you in your posts now.

Awesome woman ...

Free.

Sure - whilst you are on a roll with the light bulb moment - never ever forget that all those things he has done should never happen in a good relationship. You should be allowed to do fulfil your potential, leave the house, do things completely unedited, and say no to sex, and say yes to uni - so if you ever are feeling like you are editing your life for a partner again, please please revise the relationship at the earliest opportunity.

FunkyBoldRibena, i can't see myself anywhere near a relationship for some time, because that's not what i want.
(And i do now feel able to say "No" to men asking me out as opposed to feeling i have to because thats what they want, or friends who don't know me going on about how good looking they are and how it would piss off my ex).
I just don't want a relationship. I need to heal and enjoy being allowed to do what I want.
Should I find myself in one in the future, i will be on high alert, for sure. A positive outcome of getting involved with 'him' is that i know what to look out for now.
Same as using my parents as a "how not to be " model for my own parenting

The first time something like this happens it creeps up on you, a slow boil, but next time you will see it coming over the hill banging a drum

Hooray, I'm a trendsetter first time for everything

sure, you do sound like a load has been lifted. It is lovely to read.

Just got an email back from scary PO. I emailed him screenshots of the FB conversation on Friday. He's going to finish writing up the statement then I can add to it of I want and email it back, Then once I sign the hard copy He'll be arrested. [shocked]

I really need to get thinking of anything I think is relevant to add in.
Any ideas for double checking?

Uni done for the morning, off to get more hepatitis injections and results of last weeks STI screening then an appointment at WA. I don't know what I'm going to say.

My mind is all over the place, maybe I need a nice list session :)

Full day.

Is your statement up to date with all the recent harassment and messages? Just to make sure you get in whatever you can.

Sorry, must've overlooked you're getting results, hope it all goes fine, sure it will

Update from PO, the petrol station do have the cctv! Yusssss

Yes Spookgremlin, I'll add in the messages about the no strings sex..that won't look good.

I love list time!

Lists keep the world in order.

We must have order.

Ooh ZombiePartridge i do like that

Good luck with everything today, Sure. Hope the tests and everything come back ok.

Tests negative

Hurrah! Very glad to hear it - that's one less thing to worry about.

Such brilliant updates from you, sure ! I just want to reach right through the screen and hug you.

You're making a lot of us very happy to see how well you're doing.

So, any idea When It Will Happen? Has lovely/scary PO given you any thoughts on that?

Great, sure! One (big) thing out of the way.

Great news! Another relief!

Yes, great news about the CCTV and the tests results! Things are looking up!

Thanks everyone!

PedantMarina - I think the statement should be done this week, and once it's signed by me, he'll be arrested. The PO said that he'd rather gather evidence then arrest him than the other way round, and that it would be better questioning him when he's got evidence like the CCTV footage (" Have you been following Sure?" "No" "Whats this then?" .

I am having a wibble. I'm sure it will pass, but it still sucks. I was checking emails and read the one he sent me the day I first rang police. Its actually not abusive, it's all about how he knows he can't do relationships, he can't handle it, but that he would fight to the death for me, etc. It was all the passionate, I love you stuff. I thought maybe it is just that he isn't right, that he doesn't have any idea about what a normal relationship looks like because of his parents... I dunno. It just made me sad, because he is alone, and he aint normal.

Ah, sweetie, you can't fix him. You've given him so much love, and it didn't help him become a better person, did it? He just used you and mistreated you. You have nothing to regret here, except maybe taking too long to wake up. Yes he's alone, because that's how he needs to be so he doesn't hurt someone else. Chin up. Shoulders back, you.

I'm trying, whitsernam. Thank you.

Wish he would do something else annoying, to keep me cross like I was yesterday. I did give him SO much love. Because I know what its like to have family that hurt you deeply.

I just wish he'd get better. I wish I could have fixed him. But he's gone and fucked everything up.

Delurking to say: you will have many "wibbles". But remind yourself:

It may be his upbringing that has made him like this, but that doesn't make it your fault! Remember - he told you he's made a lot of progress in therapy, and the weekend in the B&B was to show you how much he had changed with his therapy. And then he raped you.

His childhood may have been terrible but he's an adult now and making his own choices, and his choices have been to rape you.

If you feel yourself weakening, read back some of your posts about how frightened he has made you feel at times. None of the good times are worth that.

Mitzi - thank you. That kind of reality check is exactly what I need. I suppose its easier to make excuses for him when its what I've been trained to do.

My friend from college texted me earlier, she's going to make a statement. She kept saying "remember when he did this?", "what about when he did that?". Some of it I do remember, some I don't. But she reminded me that he has done many, many bad things over and over again.

Why would he just stop, when I've been putting up with it for nearly 5 years?