Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

It's just a health check, a formality, don't get overwhelmed with the implications of it.

But, ((hugs)) x

At WA now, bricking it.

Might be typing this too late for you to read but good luck sure! I'm sure you will feel much better once it's over with.

Deep breaths! Well done, the worst is over now. I hope you find WA supportive and helpful.

good luck sure and hope it all goes as smoothly as it can

I spoke to a PO who said he's done enough to be arrested.
I could go for a Police information notice or something which says he is not to contact me.
Or i could make a complaint against him and he'll be arrested and we'll have to go to court.

So I've tentatively arranged to make a police statement next Friday.

are they going to stop him contacting you from now on though? Has that been sorted to prevent any more harrasment of you.
You are really really brave and have done a great thing. Not only protecting yourself, but preventing any other women going through the same treatment at his hands. Huge admiration here.

Well done sure, that is simply wonderful! Bet you're glad it's done for today though.

So if you give a statement, does that mean he'll be arrested? If so, BRILLIANT. That is one powerful message to him that he can't metaphorically and literally fuck about with impunity.

Why not ask which is the surest way to "hit" him hardest that he will more likely leave you alone? That way, one huge wallop might do the job better than fiddle-farting around? One dollop of courage rather than a constant drain?

You can do this, sure. You're making your path. Later you can plant pretty stuff but right now you have to dig the bloody foundations and move rocks that feel like mountains. You really really have to do this. You really really CAN do this.

They said i can put the PIN on him but that will give him a warning as to what I'm going to do. I'd rather a big slap in the face of being arrested for rape. The PO i spoke to said he'd be the one going to actually arrest him and he was quite scary actually
If he approaches me at the weekend WA said i should call 101 and get it logged.

V well done, sure
I bloody knew you could do it.

I'm away for a few days, no wifi , but shall be thinking of you and cheering you on.
Onwards and upwards!

www.parliament.uk/business/publications/research/briefing-papers/SN06411/harassment-police-information-notices
PIN thing

That sounds great, sure, big achievement getting through that today, especially since you've had a tough week emotionally and being ill and all.

Got lots of time to consider your options.

Do something fun this afternoon/evening if you can. Just forget about it all for a little while. Or try.

wow that's FANTASTIC news, sure. You're getting the validation you need that all this really has been bad bad bad. You're also taking more and more control of the situation even when it terrifies you. And now you're going to smack the evil one too!

Brave brave warrior woman, yes you are!

Well done Sure. It sounds like the anger is coming in - good for you. Hit the bastard like he's been doing to you.

Don't warn him - let the scary policeman arrest him! and video it please

surely sorry I hadn't been on your fred for a while - I kept losing it. Spent this morning catching it up.

So PROUD of you for doing all this today (and running up)! And completely agree with the lovely "ball juggling" analogy.

Only thing I'll add is (re this weekend) ring 101 or 999 as applicable, if he shows up. As was recently mentioned on another fred (unwanted houseguests), 999 is for any time you fear for your safety (or your DS's, of course).

I'd also suggest that you do get in touch with twunt's ex if you want to, but not before you make your police statement.

Big hug and another So Proud of You!

Oh, and this is my favourite e-card.

So pleased to hear that things are progressing for you Sure.

I am not an expert, but I wonder if anyone has advised you to pursue the harassment case as well as the rape case? We are all wholly behind you and would love to see him brought to justice, but we also know that rape is very very difficult to see through in court and to conviction. Is it worth proceeding with harassment charges first, and then hitting him with the rape charge afterwards, so that if there is any delay with the rape charges you are fully protected with the harassment charge?

LTS - I'd be going for charges of rape, harassment and stalking. PO did say that rape convictions are low, but at the very least I'd like to see him done for harassment. If not that then a restraining order.
But i think the evidence is quite good at least for harassment/stalking.
As the scary PO said, he can still be arrested on charges of rape, even if not convicted, and that'll be a big shock to the system for him.

As soon as he's been arrested, his bail conditions would include not to contact me.

My only question would be: why wait until next Friday? Why not today? You'd be safer with him in jail or with an order not to contact you....

Well done Sure!

The policeman sounds like the perfect person to do this. I too am wondering why wait a week? Were WA good? Did they help you feel safer and more supported?

Sure it sounds as if they have prepared you really well: good to see your confidence growing, and to see you aware of all of the options - you are certainly allowed the odd

Thinking of you - and in awe of how far you have come, on your journey so far