Seeing the light, and healing the hurt. Breaking free from 'him'.

[surereadyforchange]

Hello, this is a new thread following on from my last one where I received lots of wonderful advice and support regarding the reality of the situation I was in with an abusive shit of a 'man'.
I am seeing things more and more for what they are now, but I still have along way to go
Old thread here:
Previous thread

And Talking , I'm so glad you have your lovely DH and DS now

Lois- i know, right ?

Ye gods, what a thing to say! Your mum, I mean

Good luck with the not-puking...

When I got pregnant (feckless single mother) and may have been whinging a bit about not being able to go out (I was young), my father said with finality "Well you've 'ad yer fun now."

Fortunately that wasn't the end of fun, but in his view it should have been.

Helpful comment from your mum there!!

Inaccurate too, because someone would have complained about the whingy baby eventually and rescued him ;)

Luckily I looked so bad party parents said to leave DS there and pick him up later. Pleased cause I sat there like a complete lemon in front of the clique of mums..why can't I function at all in that environment?? with myself.

Just involuntarily burst into tears. I know this has got to be done, but I wanted so badly for it to work out. I'm just completely gutted.

[hug]

Aw, pet, go easy on yourself.
You will feel better in the fullness of time, you will.
Allow yourself to feel the pain for the loss of what you were hoping you could have with this man, but you've now come to accept you never will.
'Tis sad, but this coming to an end IS a new beginning for you too. Trite but true.

Sorry you are having a rough day sure. Being ill is horrible and I can imagine how tough it is looking after your little boy at the same time. You are doing a sterling job though. You are strong and independent and that is being an excellent role model for your son.

Crying is also good, I have decided. It takes some of the burden, even though it might not feel like it.

Don't be mad at yourself for not getting into the mum clique at the party. You don't function as well in cliques, which in itself is fine, but you were doubly under par as you are sick.

Hope you get some good rest, you're making some bigger steps towards total freedom tomorrow. In time you will stop mourning the good times. You will lead a full and happy life with your son, you will have more confidence which may or may not include new friends and a new partner. And you will do all this knowing that you have escaped an abusive bastard who's only intention was to beat you down and make you into a shell of a woman. He doesn't love you. You would never have had the slightest chance of happiness if you stayed. You know this, but maybe strangers like us repeating it will reinforce your self-belief.

I've always chosen to be a loner too sure. From family to schoolfriends to bf's and ever onwards, people have been bad to/for me. From day one. I remember "divorcing" my mother when I was 5.

Things never really got a whole lot better but I really really got on with the animal world. Wild things know and love their own. Sometimes company would be nice but after all this time and shitty experiences, I would far rather be mad catwoman than in a relationship that was killing me.

I'm not saying this is your path at all. You might meet someone gorgeous soon. You might not. But being free and wild enough to be You, to choose your path unhindered by any who would own you is what Life is about. In my opinion.

Morning all,
Well the day of reckoning has arrived, I've been tossing and turning in a cold sweat all night. Probably mostly illness but..
I've got to meet STI woman before 9, and speaking to female PO at WA about 10.
I'm not sure if I can do this. I could just carry on ignoring, ignoring, and eventually because i'm not going back this time, he might stop and go away.
I will decide when I get there. I suppose it will help to get her views on how illegal he is being. He just thinks he loves me and he doesn't want to give me up.
Tipsytrifle your post really resonates with me. I like being a loner.
I too love animals, people scoff when I say my best ever friend was a cat that lived to nearly 20. She just got me, I got her, and that was it. She used to sleep on my head. Right on top of my head, her purring reverberating around my skull and making everything ok.

"Being free and wild enough to be You, to choose your path unhindered by any who would own you is what Life is about"

I will take this with me, thank you.

You can do this, sure.
I will be thinking of you today

Good luck today x will be thinking of you x

Also thinking of you, sure. Wishing you clarity and strength.

He just thinks he loves me and he doesn't want to give me up.

No darling - he really doesn't. No matter how much someone loves someone else, they do not rape them. This is what you want to believe. Because it is so much better than the alternative which is that he is a rapist and an abusive monster. If he was in any way decent he would have let you be years ago.

You will find someone one day - but not until you have been through the Freedom programme and found yourself and learnt that you are indeed worthy of a decent partner.

I'm a loner too OP. I didn't meet my OH until my late 30s. But it was worth the wait. Hang on in there.

I second that - if you love someone, you do NOT rape them.

I'm not saying you've forgotten what he did to you but somehow it's got smoothed over in all the longing for how things used to be. You are in danger of falling for this myth that he just LOVES YOU SO MUCH he can't stay away.

He raped you. He stuck his fingers and cock in you when you did not want it. This is not, not, not the action of a person who loves and respects another person. Don't be taken in by the high drama and romance of his pursuit of you. This man is dangerous and ugly and not a loving partner.

Thinking of you today sure. Just do what you want to do, but remember you don't owe him anything because he loves you. He doesn't respect you or your feelings, and he doesn't get to decide or control anything about you, nor does anyone else. You don't have to put anyone's feelings before your own.

And what tipsytrifle said.

I feel like I want to invite you for a cup of tea afterwards, and I don't generally do that either. I consider it an achievement if I say hi to someone on the school run. There's nothing wrong with being a loner. We should start a loners' club, but the meetings would be very quiet

Good luck today, sure. (that sounds Irish, when you say it - so good luck, to be sure to be sure!)

Childminder has let me down- she's not in and I have to be at health centre before 9.

Go - and take DS with you. Someone there can probably help.

What Badger said!

Managed to get hold of her and go to where she was. In the sexual health clinic now, but I'm running late. Filling out the form was vile.
Trying not to cry. How the hell did i get here?? Can't wait for today to be over.

It will be done with soon, sure. You can do it.

Thank you