It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

:) Those posts are brilliant OP, I have been out all day long and when I logged on I could not read them fast enough!

Onwards and upwards! Excellent. You have now found that support that you needed. It is so very hard to find that but you have now and I think from now on it will be a lot easier :)

You'll get there sus. One step at a time. x

Oh Sus you are going to have the joy of running your own life one day very soon the first step is realising which you already have and then learning to detach for good. I got sucked back in with the charm oh thousands of times. Proper Stockholm syndrome here! actually feeling sorry for him at times. Don't be like me and waste 9 more years of your life AFTER realising you are being abused. I'm ashamed to admit, but I was so broken I actually took comfort in the control

Hi Name, I've lurked on all 3 of your threads but I haven't posted before but I just had to, to tell you how awesome you are! Not only have you found the strength to stand up to twatchops you're helping other people on the way! You're amazing! KOKO!

Goodness, what a difference from when I last read this thread.

Name you are amazing! Yes you have a long way to go still but don't forget how far you have come. The tone of your messages (which is often hard to detect in text) are full of optimism. You are an inspiration to many, including those of us who are blessed to not be in abusive relationships.

Aw thanks so much bestfriend

Thank you Mummyglitzer I'm going to be lost without these threads when it's all done and dusted

Name you can always start a thread called Names New Life.

What's this about done and dusted?! We'll want to hear about your many adventures with Greg the Plumber next!

Yeah dont deprive us of Greg

Haha!! I'd better get a move on then!

Can just see me getting all hopeful and thigh rubbing if the loo goes on the blink what have I become!!

name, I'm willing to offer you £1,000 towards either your own legal costs or the charity if your choice if you get me in a room with STBX, so I can do a fake sneeze and say "twatchops".

It'll be worth every penny that I nick from my Monopoly set

pedant to you, no charge - think of it as thanks for all the virtual support!!

I had a very long bath tonight. H went up to bed about half an hour ago and was expecting me to go with him - so I said I was waiting for a PTA email haha...I'm not even on the PTA! it threw me that he was trying to take my hand to lead me upstairs and that was what my brain came up with on the spot!

He wouldn't know what I do anyway so accepted it and buggered off but I'm going to need to get a checklist of excuses memorised now. Think I'll pull my back tomorrow thanks to Fantastic and then woohoo he's taking the kids to his family for the weekend as I'm off to see my friend and he's planning on picking them up from school on Friday and just going!

Jesus! waiting for a PTA email at 11pm on a Wednesday? Right must do better next time.

Have you told the solicitor who is instructed on the divorce application that you have another solicitor?

Thank you name, that was a really inspiring post. The bit about abuse being their security blanket I hadn't thought of, but it's so true. I was definitely a victim of Stockholm syndrome. I can't tell you the things I've been coerced into doing, but it's a wonder I'm still sane. I do sometimes read posts and think 'well DH hasn't hit me' or 'DH hasn't ignored me so it can't be so bad'. I also have a form of amnesia where I forget some of the terrible things he's done and have to be reminded by my Mum.

Seeing you come through it makes me feel I can do it too.

Woh! Bit of housekeeping there fairy [bump]

Back to the partay

(well, for tonight, anyway. There'll be plenty of time for housekeeping in the morning)

Inappropriate x-post apologies argh

Cambridge, you will come through. You're already questioning, you're on your way. (I'm not being blasé, I have walked the same walk. It took a while but I got there) xxxx

Delurking briefly to say Yesssss

Onwards and upwards now, there will be speed bumps and road blocks to negotiate but you are on track.

I just wish Mumsnet had been around when I was dealing with my own special brand of twatchopery!

I've only read your parts of the thread so apologies if someone else has suggested it but actually him paying his sister's rent is a good thing...if he has that to pay he won't give up work and make his darling sister homeless will he?

True, jengnr!
Cambridge - not saying at all that you can't vent on this thread, but if you start your own, it helps with the 'amnesia'. You can log stuff, vent, use it as a sounding board - it's all good.

Title it something obvious so we can all recognise you and help!

Sus - that goes for you too. The support and help on here is legendary.

Yes you are so so welcome here Cambridge and Sus, I hope you are finding it useful but like Captain says, you might want to start your own specific thread and use it for tailored support like I have here, that way you have something for yourself to help you through, because this is a major transition we are embarking on here but if not for you yet no worries! keep posting here, it's good to have you

I still get amnesia now. My conscience is still playing tricks on me and I fall a little for the puppy dog crap but then internally steel myself - his puppy dog, boo hoo feel sorry for me act is actually more like a wounded animal that you need to be wary of because it's just as dangerous wounded.

I haven't been hit as such either, mine has pretty much been verbal and emotional with a bit of spit thrown in! The fact you question 'well I've never been hit' keeps you there, just as much as the fear of being hit again would for someone on the end of violence.

name, you are even more awesome than I first thought. Instead of hitting this hurdle (him moving back in) and falling, you're climbing up it inch by inch. You, lady, are a bloody superstar.