It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

Hi again name

Just been made aware of this forum:

www.psychopathfree.com/

Wondered if you might find it useful. Must admit I haven't had a proper look at it, but it was recommended on another thread.

bbf x

My advice here is you should focus your research on the terrible effects on children of having a narcissist as a parent. Hint -- there are no benefits.

Take a look at this article. While it uses the term 'battering' and violent abusers are the focus, the same can be said for emotional/psychological abusers.

Right, brilliant stuff, thank you Mathanxiety and Brian

Psychopath free is definitely where I want to be Brian! And I have started reading that link Mathan but think I'll have to continue when the girls are in bed! Quite a long one, but anything written by Lundy should be stood up and taken notice of!

Darkest yes he really is a narcissist - I didn't start these threads calling him that because I understand that only professionals can truly diagnose things like that, but with the amount of literature out there on it and all the checklists etc that I've done on him, well he's a glaring one! (Literally!)

Thanks Random, hope so

Thanks everyone

I have been reading your posts for a while and just wanted to say good luck for the next few days. Hope all goes well on Monday. I am sure that anyone in the early stages of an emotionally abusive relationship will hopefully see the signs and get out before it goes any further.
I hope the next few days will not be too difficult for you.

Name, the way to word it (so as not to be accused of diagnosing him off the internet) is to say he displays narcissistic tendencies, rather than is a narcissist

Reading about his latest trick with the DDs has given me chills name Hells bloody teeth he is ......I dunno. words fail me! You are going to have to pull extra out from somewhere to keep his contact with your girls to a minimum, lie through your teeth if need be but.........

I've been following all your threads and posted a couple of times before but I had to change name to post this time.

You are a very strong woman and your strength will grow bigger with every step and now the penny has dropped, you will notice more and more abuse/training on your girls. Your last few post have brought even more tears, despite having learnt to bottle it all up. I hope my experiences will you give you the heads up about seeking minimum contact between Twatchops and your lovely girls.
I'm posting as an abused child, who fled a country to escape my, now estranged, narcissistic mother. I went No Contanct the moment She started on my DC1 and She has never met my DC2 (and never will, if I can help it). When my parents separated it was a relief at first: it was an end to the eternal arguing, sulking and losing my bed to dad when his back was bad (otherwise he slept on the floor in their room- She used lock the lounge, so he couldn't have the sofa). My dad left Her, thinking he was the one provoking her but once he was gone, it was me who provoked her. I didn't 'clean well enough', 'iron well enough', 'do you call this dinner?', 'why is your sibling not well behaved?'... When I left, she took it out on my sibling...

T'chops's whispering game, reminded me of my mother eventually convincing us (sib and me) to refer to dad as Monster. Monster did all sorts: from spying upon us to not paying a penny (and a lot more, apparently). Before visiting relatives she prep'ed us in asking probing questions about relationships, finances...And when we came home: it was hell if we had a good time because Monster gets to play spoiling game, whilst I can't afford to feed you. (we came home with shopping bags full of food)
She succeeded in separating us from not just dad but the rest of dad's family for a fair few years...until I moved away (ah!Shedevil!)
T'chops's re-organisations of the keys (or books, shoes, bag)... It still makes me doubt myself every day; I'm sure I have locked the back door, at least twice, but the slightest interruption whilst I'm getting out and I might have to turn the car round and send someone else to check and then I still don't trust them.
One last thing: my mother was well aware on not leaving the tiniest visible bruise but she still hit us (we never, ever, ever let grandma or auntie wash our hair)

I'm so sorry, this is a very long post. You have the advantage of being the normal mum with an abusive dad. Good luck on your anniversary.

once

How are you today name?

Fine thanks Star h was late in last so I didn't really see him and this morning started in a good mood and then was being all mysterious and down in mood when he left. Whatever.

Once - thank you for sharing that I'm so sorry for what you went through X

Thank you everyone

Going to a mums coffee morning this morning. Was going to avoid but decided it will be good for me so I'll be off in a minute

Have a lovely day everyone

Will be thinking of you this weekend. Worst case scenario fake being very very unwell if you need some help to get through it.

Hugs x

Thank you Random. Luckily DD's party will keep me busy tomorrow and then no doubt he'll want to acknowledge the anniversary on Sunday by way of a pub lunch with the kids or something. He has never, ever bought me an anniversary present and I've never bought him one either - so if he bloody buys me something now I will puke - no need for Mr Del Monte's help there, it will be a proper floor please swallow me moment.

Hopefully not anyway! I can tell he's viewing me with suspicion because of the no sex and avoidance of hugs on the sofa - i know I'm supposed to be keeping the peace but I can't go that far.

Anyway, I've got everything I need printed off and my GP letter of support. I don't know where to keep it safely so will just keep it in my bag and keep my bag with me at all times I guess

Hi, please don't risk keeping it in your bag, you are so close to freedom, it's not worth the risk.
Could you put it all in a sealed envelope and leave it with a friend/neighbour/your lovely FP lady?
Just not worth the risk of him finding it; you will be jumpy around your bag, and you can't take it into the shower or hug it while you sleep!
How about lifting the corner of a carpet & storing there, with furniture moved back on top? Or in DDs' rooms (sealed in envelope)? Stay safe

Delurking to say good luck for Monday and please keep safe this weekend
Although your h is a funny entertaining guy (hiding keys, playing with the kids - hilarious) would you consider tearing yourself away from his wonderful presence over the weekend, parents, friends etc just to make sure you are ok.
I'm concerned that he is already getting quite moody and difficult.
Could a friend ask you and the kids to stay on Saturday night for example?

Keeping the papers in your bag doesn't sound too good to me, either. I feel they need to be out of the house. I suppose you couldn't leave them at the school with someone you trust, to be picked up by you on Monday morning? Might be a far fetched idea but desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say....

Hoping the weekend is a peaceful one

Yeah after eight I know - I've been thinking where in the house I could put it all, but he has said he wants to do some stuff round the house this weekend and when he gets organising, all drawers, shelves, cupboards get pulled out and rearranged so I wouldn't even feel safe sticking it under the carpet.
My neighbour unfortunately is an arsehole so I won't be asking her for any assistance. There isn't anyone I know well enough at all to ask them to keep an envelope for me.
I'll keep thinking but he doesn't tend to go near my bag but I appreciate that's not safe either

Thanks ninetynine - I can't really go anywhere this weekend unfortunately - it's DD's party sat PM, we'll be coming back here to open her presents etc. might have a think for Sunday maybe.

Fold it and put it in a box of Tampons and sealed with clear packing tape, placed in the suitcase at the back of your closet (that you already have packed)?
Best wishes and a Happy Birthday for your Dd for this weekend.

Once, thank you for sharing your story. Checking the locked door resonates with me. I have a milder form for checking that I locked my vehicle.

Thanks Alice, I didn't think of school - still not sure though.

Under a mattress?

Brilliant Band!! Perfect, he wouldn't give a box of Tampax a second look if he saw it - I'll get some today

Do you have your own car? If so, maybe under the carpet in the boot?

The idea of putting it in a tampon box is a good idea. Make up bag maybe?

What about the girls old school stuff - do you keep a box with those kinds of things in? Maybe in there in an envelope?

Or someone suggested the FP lady, maybe a bit late in the day to arrange now, but leaving it with her would be a good idea.

I wouldn't risk under the mattress.

The box of tampons is a good hiding place. Name Nice one Band.

As i type this im currently waiting in for a plumber His name isnt Greg though.

Hope you have a peaceful and safe weekend Name. You rock

Thanks name, darkest, fluffy. My dh would rather have his hand cut off than touch a tampon. It is so bad, if he wants to borrow a tenner I have to get it out of my purse for him because he knows I have a couple of Tampons in there and he doesn't want to risk an encounter.
I hope it works, name. Do seal it with tape so you will know if it has been tampered with.

Box of tampax, great idea! I was thinking of taping a sealed envelope to the bottom of a piece of furniture or bed frame, but if he's going to play 'Mr Handy' this weekend ("See what a wonderful husband I am?? Wow, I even impress myself!") that probably wouldn't work.

Tape the envelope to the bottom of the box, with the tampons on top of it.