It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

What captainmummy and funky said.

With bells on.

And for what it's worth I never silently scream at the tv when someone puts themselves in that situation - my neighbours' probably have an uneasy moment or two wondering who I'm shouting at with such heartfelt profanities!

Keep you and your children safe and keep his earlier comment in mind about understanding how some men.....

Good one Captain! thanks everyone so much

Yes noted Mathanxiety, thanks I will tell her it's all coercion, all an act!

Rather handily though and very helpful to my case is that I have a 6 page police statement on him with the countryside police force where we previously lived from December last year stating a lot of the abuse and that I want out of the relationship and he's making it impossible.

So the lovely PO asked for my previous address and has contacted that police force to get all my details and that statement from them.

He's going down people!! Haha

Well, he's not actually going to prison but you know what I mean!

I will definitely tell the lovely PO about calling me from the car in front of the kids. If he is up to something like trying to look like a victim in front of them, don't worry I'll put them straight - DD1 is pretty clued up about her father anyway and wants him to move out!

Had some rather unhelpful texts from my mother last night 'you're not calling me, you're ignoring me!' Erm you're not calling me either Mum? Plus I've got quite a lot on my plate at the moment!

I told her I was seeing the police now and for her just not to speak to him if he calls them 'Why the Police?' Because he forced himself back and actually forced sex (I can't believe I said that to her but it's bloody true)

So she relied 'oh my god I don't know what to say, he could go down for 15 years for rape! But then I suppose you do need to get out of there!'

I just said it's alright mum I'm not going to try and get him charged with rape but it's evidence of the hopeless lack of boundaries here and that I want out and he won't let me!

Lovely PO isn't going to take my phone but wants screen shots of the texts - i don't have a clue how to do that so will get googling :)

Have lovely weekends everyone

Brilliant to hear about that former 6 page police statement!

You sound really steady in your latest post.

Have a great weekend.

wow, do you think your mum might have finally seen the light. Hopefully she will keep this info to herself rather than tell your dad, who will no doubt persuade her that Twatchops was perfectly within his rights, and not to go upsetting your mum with such stuff

Stay strong Name and have a lovely weekend

Thank you Alice

I can't remember who said it but someone mentioned little steps building into something big. That statement I did (the policeman who took it was bloody gorgeous actually! ) didn't go any further, but I wanted it logged, I had read here on MN get it logged with 101 and thank God I did.

That policeman said to me at the time 'just remember where you are, you are in a police statement room, this isn't love, this is abuse'

I can't remember now why I wasn't taking it any further, guess I'll be reminded of it all next week with the new police.

Thanks Nettle

I'm still not going to involve my parents, they are emotionally useless and will put me off so are being left out deliberately - I've got my support now thankfully both RL and here

Yay you! wild Pom Pom dance you're doing fab, go girl!

I think one of THE most chilling things that dreadful man has done is his comment about 'understanding how some men ...' (pointed out again by Alicebannedit above ^)

I reckon that alone ought to have the Police, lawyers going all out to protect you and your children. It was, surely, a threat?

I think I missed that Oldgrandmama - just been looking back through but can't see it - what was the full comment? (sorry being thick here!)

Oh yes sorry, the understanding of the little girl being shot? Yes horrific, dreadful - he actually said 'well, she was taken away from him' very chilling

Name, I have not posted here before but have read all your threads. As others have said, you are amazing. You seem so strong and clear headed. I know you have down days, but how far you have come is amazing.

Really really all the best to you. I just know things will work out for you and wow do you deserve it!

You don't think your Mum is likely to tell him about the police do you? If he ends up phoning her for some random reason, I'm just a little concerned it might come out.

Thank you Lizard I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

Fluffy no I don't think so, i will tell her not to, but she's the sort who doesn't like to get involved (other than telling me I need to sit down and talk with him) she was very non committal with him when he phoned her last.

Ok, thats good then.

I didn't realise you had previously given a statement to police in another force, thats GREAT news, as it will show a pattern, show that you wanted to leave before and couldn't, and back up everything you are saying now. The police officer you are dealing with sounds great, I'm really glad!

Thanks Fluffy, yes for some reason I had forgotten to mention here the statement I already did - thank goodness for it though because I'm going to be saying exactly the same thing 10 months on!

And yes she sounded perfect for me on the phone, sympathic, knowledgeable, she got what I was saying, was firm and most importantly on my side, so I know I've done the right thing in waiting a week to meet her in person.

And with all your tips and advice I will be able to ask proper questions regarding the arrest so thanks very much again for that really appreciated

Oh yes sorry, the understanding of the little girl being shot? Yes horrific, dreadful - he actually said 'well, she was taken away from him' very chilling

OP I don't remember that part - the bit I think oldgrandmama and I remember so clearly was when he said he could understand why some men slaughter their families.

I'll give you the exact ref if I can find it a bit later.

Yes I recall that too, was it in earlier thread? But def mention that to police so they are aware and understand the need to keep him away from you

Spinning around on one arthritic toe waving pom poms furiously here name. I love it when a plan comes together!

Ok, don't go to too much trouble though Alice I'll have a look through as well, I certainly don't doubt he said it!

Thank you

Right will do thanks Adara

Haha thanks Dinnae, don't injure yourself now, your lovely hubby needs you !!

You're very welcome. Is she taking the statement from you on the 13th? That may mean the arrest may not happen that day (sounds as if the statement could be pretty long and may take a while!).

Are they planning to arrest him at home or at work? Again, another question for the officer. If at home it would be useful to know when so that you could make sure the girls were out of the way, because whatever they think about their Dad, seeing a parent arrested isn't ideal. However, the plus side of it being at home is that he can take things with him so he has no reason/excuse to come round later (hopefully he won't be able to anyway because there should be bail conditions).

Don't underestimate how it will make you feel afterwards either, it is perfectly normal to feel anxious, guilty, nervous etc, although you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. If you know its coming, see if you can arrange some support around like friends being round of contact with the FP lady.

Great thank you - yes she's taking the statement on the 13th so I know it won't be that day - good point about it being at home but I don't want to be here when it happens so I don't think I can engineer that too easily to be out of the way with the kids because he's never predictable in the times he comes home.

It will have to be at his work again!! Shit! Unless they can arrange it with him? Phone him up and ask him to come in after work? But then I suppose he'd be straight on the phone to me wouldn't he and I would be at risk.

Oh god he can't be arrested at his work!!!

It's ok I'm just going to have a little panic moment and then I'll pick myself up again!!

Unless I go and stay somewhere Tuesday night? But then if he knows I'm out, he will go out drinking probably - I can't imagine him just coming home and making himself dinner, it would be free licence for him.

Don't panic, I didn't mean to make you panic!

What time does he leave for work in the morning? Officers quite often like to do earlyish arrests, it means they can get all booked into custody then crack on with interviews etc. That may be a possibility.

Weekend is also a possibility if you can wait that long? Again, most departments have officers working weekends.

If it has to be done at work, then so be it. You can discuss all your worries with the officer on the 13th, then decide between you what is the best course of action. It wouldn't necessarily be that obvious to his work colleagues what was happening, especially if the officers are in plain clothes.

I don't think they would want to arrange it with him, that gives him the heads up, plus potentially puts you in danger when he realises you have "lied" to him and this hasn't all gone away.

Honestly, the officer will be happy to discuss it with you, and to do it in a way that has the least impact on everyone involved.

And you know what? If it does happen at work, and they find out what a complete cock he is, so what? It is HIS behviour that has led to this, not yours, and you shouldn't give a second thought to how he might feel about it. The key people in this are you and the girls.