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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

999 replies

thenamehaschanged · 28/09/2014 09:53

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all Thanks Thanks

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 03/10/2014 18:40

Itsfab I reckon he doesn't want to talk to his lawyer about the contract, only about name rescinding the divorce petition.
Name enjoy the weekend. I think next week is going to be hard. Get armoured big girl pants on with fairy lights around the legs and a feather boa for a waistband. You will prevail. We are all behind you! Pom poms!
We have a date for the op - three weeks to wait and it will be done - yay!

YonicScrewdriver · 03/10/2014 18:42

Yay that she is really away!

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 03/10/2014 18:48

It just occurred to me that he may have mentioned the divorce and his "worry" in front of the girls to bait them into saying anything they might know about it. Angry

Darkesteyes · 03/10/2014 18:49

It really shouldnt be this complicated in 2014. Sad

Itsfab · 03/10/2014 18:49

Dinnae - I think that is obvious. I was just wanting name to think about what might be going on in case she had missed it with all the other shit she has going on.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 18:50

Oh brilliant Dinnae!!! That's a little ray of sunshine in all this Grin and I LOVE the big girl pants description haha!

Re his work contract, no he's not talking to a solicitor about that, it's through his work, sorry if I wasn't clear. He says he's found a solicitor to talk to about the divorce who apparently had never heard of the whole serving someone at work or somewhere away from the marital home debacle.

I think I did say the solicitor was on holiday and that he wasn't to worry, so I will say that 'subtly' again on Sunday night/Monday - I'll sound like I'm on it and he's again not to worry - to quote from gangsta speak, I'm trying to play a player, and he's trying to play me right back - the modern face of divorce eh?

Grin
OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 03/10/2014 18:53

A solicitor that has never heard of someone being served at work???? more bullshit from Twuntychops.

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 18:53

Hmm band I didn't think of that.

I don't really think so because he isn't behaving out of character but then God knows, he's capable of anything Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 18:55

I know Darkest!! I know she's a pile of shite but I told solicitor 1 that and she was like eh? Hmm there were 2 agencies alone in the village where their firm is that do it. Mad!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 03/10/2014 18:58

Did he say that about shagging you in front of the children? Shock

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 19:03

Yes Annie Sad it was surreptitious but still, I just want him to fuck right off.

Is there a 'Worst Man in the World ' awards event anywhere ever? I have so much to put forward for him if there is.

OP posts:
Outflewtheweb · 03/10/2014 19:03

Do you think he'll discuss all this with his parents this weekend or would that be his worst nightmare?

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 19:15

I don't think so Outflew, I think that's why he wanted this 'confirmation' on his way there. He plays it all so saccharine safe with them.

Slight annoyance though is that his mum will flag up my birthday because she will give him a card for me, damn Angry......although.....that might put him off any solicitor speak for a few days maybe if he gets an idea to 'go all out' Confused

OP posts:
Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 03/10/2014 19:18

One consolation is that if his solicitor has never heard of someone getting served anywhere apart from the marital home, he/she sounds mediocre at best and this is good for you name as you are lawyered up real gooood!

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 19:25

Good point Dinnae, I've got lawyers all over the place at the moment haha! X

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 03/10/2014 19:38

Yes, there IS a 'Worst Man in the World Event'. It's called 'HM's Divorce Courts' and your Twuntasaurus Rex has been duly entered in the contest. He just doesn't know it yet. Grin

Original poster
thenamehaschanged · 03/10/2014 19:45

haha!! Brilliant Acrossthepond - Thank you Grin Thanks

OP posts:
Zazzles007 · 03/10/2014 22:16

Oh Name, TwuntyChops' tentacle-like phone calls from the car! Yuck! Reaching out to you constantly, so you can 'reassure' him that everything is OK, makes me a bit sick in the stomach...

diggerdigsdogs · 03/10/2014 22:45

I can't believe he spoke about the divorce in front of your dc in the car! How fucking awful for the poor things. That would have really upset and confused me as a child. Sad

I'm not trying to be a downer name, it's just more proof that he has got to fuckin go.

Jux · 04/10/2014 01:09

I am shocked that he talked about divorce in front of the children, too. That is really selfish, irresponsible and stupid; and to say he shagged you in front of them is really really inappropriate. Make a note of it, it all adds to the picture of a complete twat who doesn't give a shit about his children.

Have a lovely weekend, Name. You deserve it.

EBearhug · 04/10/2014 03:18

I think not only is he trying to get them to talk about anything they know - but he's also going on about how you asked for it, not him, he's doing his best to make things better - he's trying to give them the message that if the family breaks up, it's entirely your fault, and he's the good one who was trying to fix it. You've got people on your side who will be able to help you tell them the truth in an appropriate way when you need to though.

(Haven't posted on your threads before, but I've been following, because it is impressive, your journey.)

diggerdigsdogs · 04/10/2014 05:10

Shock Shock Shock

I missed that he talked and laughed about shagging you in front of the dc. That's awful.

I agree about mentioning this to, god I don't know, victim support, police when taking your statement, rotty lawyer etc. It continues to build a picture of a horrible dad and man.

mathanxiety · 04/10/2014 07:43

Be aware that when the police take a statement from him about harassment it is likely he will start using whatever he has learned from the FP book to try to bamboozle them into believing he is Mr Sensitive Misunderstood Soul who is actually The Victim Here. Or he will try to convince them that he is committed to changing, so he has been reading the FP book and intends to enroll in the programme for men, that he now realises how horrible he is and how shocked he is at the damage he has done to the relationship, and will do anything to make things right.

They can come across as really convincing. Maybe when you are talking to the police alert them to the fact that he has been reading the book and has been angry about the description of abusers in it, saying he is not like that.

captainmummy · 04/10/2014 08:09

Agree with everyone that talking about the divorce, and'shagging' in front of the children is a form of abuse in itself. Do mention that to the dv team.

And - you know when you are watching a thriller/horror, and someone just has to tell the truth, and it all kicks off, and you are silently screaming at the TV 'just lie! Just say anything to get out of there' but no, she/he just had to tell the truth and someone gets chopped up because of it..... That's like your situation. (OK, maybe not the chopping up bit) -just judicious use of a lie, to keep yourself safe!

Feel better? I wouldn't have the slightest qualms about lying, but I'm not very nice ;)

FunkyBoldRibena · 04/10/2014 08:21

And - you know when you are watching a thriller/horror, and someone just has to tell the truth, and it all kicks off, and you are silently screaming at the TV 'just lie! Just say anything to get out of there' but no, she/he just had to tell the truth and someone gets chopped up because of it..... That's like your situation.

Yes! Absolutely. I was trying to think of a nice way of saying 'just shut up until you are safe' without upsetting Name but this is it. In a nutshell.