It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

good news! this might just be what you need to get him out of the house for good

Haha!! Bit in shock over here FB!

Well she's away on a course next week so it's going to be Mon 13th - she said timeframe is fine because I have all his texts and emails and not to worry about him living in the house up until then.

Cripes alive!

Yes I think so Star - I need a gin!

Another but it sounds like a positive move.

[hand hold if needed]

Thanks Adora!

Happy birthday me I guess!

name with the Police, get a trowel the size of a flattened out wheelie bin and lay in on as thick as possible. Do whatever you can to get this moved forward by your terms. Don't forget to make a list! Lists are very important remember! List every bit of abuse that has come your way from your soon to be ex 'D'H. Good luck.

Thank you Dinnae will do!!

How's things with you by the way - I really hope ok

I reckon we can guess when Dr. Jeckel will turn into Mr. Hyde then. [biting nails emoticon]
But you know what? You are up for this, name. You have a well established team in place and you will clear this hurdle horse show jumping style- gold medal for you! An interesting birthday, no doubt, and then you'll see it will be the best one yet.

But, consider a friendly reminder to save the gin for the weekend with your friend and keep with the until then .

Brilliant, that's great news name. I'm also pleased that you've turned a corner and seem to agree its great news as well!

Please make sure you fully understand the process by discussing with the officer - no one "has" to be arrested, they can be interviewed on tape under caution by what we generally call a voluntary interview (where they agree to go in at a pre booked time). It doesn't sound as if they are planning that in this case, but please double check.

I work in fraud, and we do a lot of voluntary interviews. The main disadvantage, and why I don't think they will do it in this case, is that no bail conditions are imposed, as they aren't released on bail, unlike someone who has been arrested. Also, when phoning or coming round to book an appointment, it obviously makes them aware there is a complaint, again, not wise in this situation.

It definitely sounds as if they are planning an arrest rather than voluntary, but worth double checking.

Make your list of stuff to tell them, go back as far as you can, and include all the stuff on here about his behaviour when the girls were born. Even the little things like asking permission to go to bed, it all paints a picture of what a controlling arsehole he is.

At fucking last! Get making that list gal.

Right, thank you so much fluffy, your advice has been invaluable being an 'insider' to all this. I take it he's going to read my statement?
That's a little alarming that they consider this strong enough to potentially not allow bail if they see fit - shit! But then if I ended up being turned down for a non mol because he manages to charm everyone then I won't ever get rid of him without the police's help - if he thought me serving divorce papers was bad enough, wait til he gets a load of the police statement room under caution - fucking hell!! Lots of hand wringing going on here!!

Thanks Ribena haha! I will

Thanks Band, yes noted!!

Start the list. Ask us if you aren't sure. Check back on MN all the times you posted about him, mention SIL's rent and him blaming you if he hadn't invoiced. Are there other times he has withheld money or blamed you about money?

No, he doesn't get to read your statement. He will be interviewed about the contents of your statement, and the officers might read bits out of it and ask him to comment on it, but he doesn't get to read it.

If he is arrested there is a chance that the custody sergeant will withhold bail, but I think it is more likely he will be released with strict bail conditions not to contact you, not to come to the house etc. he has already demonstrated he has somewhere else to go (his brothers) so that shouldn't be an issue. Again, when you speak to the officer to confirm he is being arrested, be pro active and ask about bail conditions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you saying you don't want him to come home.

Be aware that if there is text message evidence, they are likely to want to seize your phone. This is a pain in the bum I'm afraid, and it's likely the police may have it a while. I'm just warning you so you can make other provisions, like making sure you have all your contacts stored elsewhere, and perhaps picking up a cheap payg phone. Again, if they don't ask about the texts, volunteer the information (we are all only human and can forget things sometimes!).

If there is anything you want to know about the police procedure that you don't feel comfortable about asking on here, please feel free to message me.

Way to go name! At last someone is listening and you have a date for action. Also how great is fluffy with all that wonderful calming advice. MN at it's very best.

Brilliant thanks Fluffy, I already have a payg with my contacts stored from when I thought I was off to a refuge a while ago so that's ok.

I emailed the officer just to check how much info she needs - all the way from the beginning or recent harassment since divorce papers - she wants all the way from the beginning!

I definitely don't want him coming back to the house after this! She also said in her email that she is going to talk to the solicitor they use tomorrow about a non mol!

He's turned a bit for the worse tonight - is 'horrified' at what he has been reading in the FP book and he is absolutely nothing like that! I have told him to stop reading it then.

Feeling jumpy!

Absolutely petunia

Keep Calm and KOKO Thename, Keep Calm and KOKO.

Sending over the potent gin as I can't drink it tonight!

I've missed what KOKO stands for. Could someone enlighten me?

Great going lovely great that after bad start with useless lawyer you are getting lots of good support to move forward with it all, really happy for you and keeping everything crossed he doesn't get worse before it's sorted. We'll sort you a birthday cake and celebration on here, with big bottle of fizz to celebrate your new life without TC around!

WOW Things are moving. Name Im pleased they have contacted you and that they are going to interview him.

He doesnt WANT to believe he is like that because it would have to mean admitting what he is.

Keep On Keeping On

Wow, Name! It's all moving. So D-day is 13th? Hooray

I can well believe you are a bit taken aback that in such a short time, and after so long, that at last there are people who are listening to you and standing up in your corner, taking it all seriously. Your old shl was really pissing me off!

Nice to know there's a 1-stop shop in every borough.

KOKO. You can do it, and in no time you'll be going to bed when you want to without having to check first.

This is such fantastic news! I understand it will make you anxious until it's sorted though.

More hand-holding here.

Excellent news!

And, sorry if I'm sounding like a buzz-kill here, but I hope you're being careful with your internet history, etc. Do you have a RL contact who's aware of these freds? (the FP person would be perfect for this) Or a MN contact who has your RL details? Just for maximum safety.

Yes, brilliant news!! Your bound to feel nervous name but we're all here! And to say it looks like you've got a fantastic support team your end is an understatement!! So pleased love