I dislike my husband

[Edtfdess]

He's sitting here slagging off everyone. Just stomped off to the bathroom calling Cheryl Cole a 'talentless, Jordie Slapper'.

I've had to sit here tonight and suffer another diatribe on immigrants, music (he's a failed musician and v bitter), and anyone who isn't him.

I did actually argue my point on a load of racist crap, but that just makes it worse. No he's just angry, slumped on the otherwise if the sofa on his iPad.

I'm lonley. I'm so sick of this.

"Is he a considerate lover?"

Ugh! God, do you have to sleep with this arsehole?

Oh it's ok, we rarely have sex anyway.

He has a range if excuses from "I'm always tired as I work so hard" (36 hours a week flexi time in a very nice job a ten min drive from home plus he doesn't lift a finger here) to "I just don't think about sex" to "maybe I'm gay" (which he retracted right away).

He's a total head fuck on so many levels. He's very odd.

But he's not a wanker all the time. There are moments if happiness, but invariably, his mood will change and ruin things. Oh sorry, I mean his mood all change and I will ruin things, sometimes without even saying or doing anything! I'm magical.

What about asking to volunteer at your local parent & toddler group, Sunday school, hospital WRVS, old folks day centre or even brownie guide group? These places are always looking for volunteers & you would get a notable reference from them.

Why don't you go & chat to your Dr about your ingrained low self-esteem. It'll be confidential & you could ask for a referral for counselling or CBT.

Can I ask you a question Edt?
If you loved someone more than anything else in the world, then they give you your very own beautiful baby, would you treat them badly & destroy their self-worth & confidence?
Would you threaten them with menace & keep them down?

Give yourself a hug & get all the support you need to help you to think, plan & get back on your feet.

Oh I've seen a dr.

I went on prozac when dd was six weeks. He was a shit to me when I was pregnant and in her early weeks (he got v good with her after four months or so, he says he didn't bond with her before then. That's no surprise as he did nothing for her when she was tiny). When dd was 9 weeks I hit a real low.

So basically, I am dosed up to the eyeballs on 60mg of prozac just to get through the day with him.

I do take dd to a few church run playgroups will start there with asking to help out.

Day centres etc a good idea but I have no one to leave dd with.

you could take her along - would any of your music skills fit with running a music group for tots?

No sadly not, I worked on the record company side of things! Can't pal for toffee!

*play

Could your Dr prescribe counselling or CBT? You really do sound like a lovely person who's been bullied to a shadow of your former self.

Edtfdess, do you have any friends?

What people have to realize is that, the wives of EA husbands have:

a) Lost ALL their friends (because the EA husband drives them away)
b) Lost all their confidence,
c) Because of b), they find it very difficult to even contemplate training for a new career.
d) Money = Security. It can be very hard to give up that security when you have had everything else eroded.

So, it's not that simple. It takes a HUGE effort to strike out there on your own.

OP has my sympathy.
But, it CAN be done. You just have to have the courage.

Very true cluckymare.
You're not alone Edt, so don't face this alone.
Best wishes

No I don't have any friends.

But that isn't because of him, it's because of the fallout of my horrible divorce. Friends of twenty years standing turned on me, my ex did a good job on them.

I know a couple of people through the baby now, but that's only superficial at the mo, baby groups, coffee etc.

Your husband sounds a lot like mine, I am way further down the line from you tho and still bloody here... Not forums look get tho.

My point is he's never going to change. My dh admits his faults and promises he will change (it took a long time and a lot of counselling to get to that place) but he won't. I've finally stopped be living him.

Your oh won't change either, don't be me and still be on here posting about your misery 15 yrs after you needed to leave

**Not for long

Mumsnet local is brilliant for meeting properly lovely people who are kind and supportive and LOCAL.
Most people are mostly nice most of the time and will want to chat and help you

Op it's hard to leave. But staying will be so much harder. The killer for me is thinking about what I am teaching my doc about relationships. My daughter that you put up with stuff you obviously don't like, you accept being criticized and shouted at and that your option on doesn't count. My son, that you can get whatever you want by shouting others down, that you trump everyone else in the household.