I dislike my husband

[Edtfdess]

He's sitting here slagging off everyone. Just stomped off to the bathroom calling Cheryl Cole a 'talentless, Jordie Slapper'.

I've had to sit here tonight and suffer another diatribe on immigrants, music (he's a failed musician and v bitter), and anyone who isn't him.

I did actually argue my point on a load of racist crap, but that just makes it worse. No he's just angry, slumped on the otherwise if the sofa on his iPad.

I'm lonley. I'm so sick of this.

I say sorry a lot to placate him.

A little while ago he said "you say sorry all the time because you know you've been a cunt". He doesn't get it, he thinks he's perfect.

Womens Aid? CAB?

He has been threatening you, he is a bully and I wouldn't trust him.

Womans Aid will help you see this through.

Have you got a joint account? Have you got access to money?

Do you say sorry because you are frightened of him? I think so, it's more than just saying sorry to have a quiet lief isn't it.

Pouring water over your head may not have actually have hurt you physically but his message to you is clear; don't disobey me, or I will hurt and humiliate you. He sounds batty and dangerous. He might be thick but he isn't so stupid because he knows how to manipulate and get his own way. But he is stupid enough, ignorant enough to take his threats and bullying to the next stage, that is what men like him do.

Maybe women's aid can help. Or get advice from local council regarding housing.

I think it's time to go. And I feel for you.

You sound so amazing. Witty, clever, kind, caring.

You need to live your life now, with your daughter.

I'm finding this really chilling to read OP.

Please take the advice here.

The particular thing I'm finding upsetting is your efforts to be upbeat and make light of it all.

Time to leave indeed.

Start really soon.

and lots of luck.

Asians come from fish.

Sorry to point this out, but, errm, technically he's correct. Life on Earth started in the sea and eventually crawled out. We're all descended from ancient fish.

Seriously though, it sounds like you have nothing left but contempt for this man. I believe that lots of problems in relationships can be fixed - but not contempt. There's no way back from contempt.

You need to start determinedly planning your new life without him.

I think my IQ has dropped reading this thread.OMG he is utterly ridiculous and sounds like a spoilt child.

Every day you waste with this loser is a day you won't get back. You sound lovely. You don't need a man to be happy. Get out, be single and raise the bar. You can do so much better for yourself xx

I too felt a chill reading this.

My ex would go off into random racist rants if he didn't like what was on the television. When I plucked up the courage to tell him to leave, I was relieved to only get a packet of crisps smashed over my head, followed by a bottle of lemonade. Humiliating, but I sat there quietly, in fear that he might properly hurt me, as he had done in the past.

Things won't get better with him, they really won't.

You will feel so much happier alone. And you'll feel less lonely. Draw on your inner reserves of strength. They are there, believe me.

I was relieved to only get a packet of crisps smashed over my head, followed by a bottle of lemonade.

Oh RubbishMantra, this is so awful, and even worse that you thought it was minor compared to what you thought you might get .

Please OP, get strength and courage from wherever you can to leave this arsehole. They never change.

To answer a couple of questions, he's not financially abusive. We have a joint account but I handle all the money, bills etc, he has no clue about our finances. I sort it all.

He's very big on the 'I work, I pay for everything' line though.

He is a very odd person.

I was awake most of the night, even though dd slept until 6! He went to the loo a couple of times and made a show of coming back to bed and huddling right to the edge of his side.

I'm up with the baby now. If he's being nice he'll get up early with us weekend mornings. But he's still in bed. I am dreading him waking up, I don't know how he will be.

He'll either be nice,or distant and moody.

I'm bit going to say anything. Over the four years I have been with him I have learned that he likes a reaction, so I've stopped reacting. I think that's why he tries to pick arguments sometimes, but I hardly ever react. In a perverse way, I find it really funny to see him winding himself up trying to provoke me.

But if don't know what happened last night. He was talking about theistic industry, that's what I worked in when I was young, I know how it all works. He was saying some rubbish and I corrected him. Then he baited me with a couple more things, so it turned out to be me who was being nasty, 'turning on him' as he put it. I wasn't, I was just voicing my opinion, which happens to be different to his (which of course he thinks is the correct one).

I try to be detached usually and I don't get sucked in. More for my own sanity really, I can't be bothered to argue.

Oh and whey he meant by Asians coming from fish was this: Asians come from fish, Africans come from monkeys and (I think) Europeans come from birds. He's leaned that from his dad.

Naturally, People descended from Europe are the elite.

I am half Indian half English. Where that leaves me, I don't know. I'm not sure where India comes into it. Maybe I am bird/fish hybrid??!

Sometimes I think he's trying to get me to leave him? So he can be the one who looks good as his horrible wife left him? He's so wrapped up in what people think of him and how they see him, especially his family. I know he wouldn't want to be the one seen to walk out.

My ex was like this. Walking on eggshells constantly. Couldn't do right for wrong. By the end, I was a shell of a person. A hollow, superficially placid Stepford Wife. Then he left me. I should thank him, really. I can feel 'me' coming back, you know, the one that had a mind of her own and used it?? Yeah, that one. Leaving me was the best thing he ever did for me other than be my sperm donor.

Life is so much lighter and peaceful now, even dealing with all the divorce, benefits, logistics, child visitations, etc as it's only been a few months. And that will settle down in time as well.

Try to believe that you deserve better, because you do and so does your DD. Bless her, she's a babe now, but as she gets older? Is this the relationship role model you want for her?

You do need to leave this man. One day it will be your child on the other end of his rants. His threats and his language is extremely abusive. Could you make a first step by calling women's aid?

This sounds unpleasant. Have you got any means to get a job so that you can support yourself and DD? Alternatively if you wanted to retrain in a career then childcare is usually free (if single/or on a low income).

Maybe you could start to plan some sort of future away from him as you two aren't compatible.

Reading this is heartbreaking. Please leave. You say you would kill any man who treated your daughter like this but he will as her father. And she will grow up to see this as the way a relationship should be.

And more than anything, you deserve so much better.

Well he's up.

He's looking miserable and being distant. All he's said is that I laid into him last night and ripped him apart. I didn't at all. I just had a different opinion to him, he can't stand that. Like I said, he thinks he's the perfect person.

I feel like crying, but I won't. A while ago I would have been trying to make him happy now, apologising, begging him to act normal. Not anymore, this is ridiculous behaviour for a 30 year old man. If he wants to sulk, he can .

I'll be accused of being quiet and having nothing to say later. I can't so with him what ever I do.

If I'm happy and cheery I this situation, it pisses him off.

I think you are staying longer than you otherwise would because you left your previous husband to be with him. You think you need to make it look like it's working to justify the affair.

Honestly, no-one else cares. There may be a handful of people who take perverse pleasure in your supposed comeuppance but frankly anyone who is going to judge you for what you did in the past will already have done so anyway. No point in perpetuating your own misery just to try and prove a point to them. Trying to create an outward facade of happiness for 40 or 50 years with someone you you feel nothing but loathing for is really no way to live. You must now you will never be able to sustain it for that long, so why try at all? Please don't bring your child up in this toxic environment.

"You say sorry all the time because you know you have been a cunt"

This is exactly the sort of thing my husband says to me , he seems to relish using the offensive c word. I have had unanimous ltb responses in all of my posts.

you must know, not now

edt you are funny, bright and still young.
Please make today the day you start to plan the rest of your life.
Other people have done this, you can do this. We are here to help you.

There is every chance that you will live to be 100 . You have a long life ahead of you. Why not make it a happy one, for you and for your daughter and even your grandchildren...

Make plans now whilst you are still strong and able to see what the problems are clearly, whilst you are not completely run down, but more importantly, before that threatened violence turns to actual violence.

I know it is a standard on MN, but Lundy Bancroft really does talk sense in "Why does he do that" if you need to understand what is happening.

MN is full of practical help, advice and a wealth of experience. Please use it to plan your next 70 years. We can help you and want you to be happy.

I agree with don't drink and Facebook about the previous relationship and her take on it is very good. My husband also uses my short previous marriage against me when I talk of splitting up, scary amount of similarities!

I'm not ready to leave.

I'm terrified of leaving.