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Original poster

Text message meant for someone else?

393 replies

springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 08:31

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 13:42

Thanks all, for your support. I'm not going to confront t him immediately as I know I would get angry and potentially blow it. He has this way of blaming me for problems in the relationship. I don't want to lose it, and there's something odd about the message. Like some of you have said, it has an odd tone: and the language is sort of cosy-not his sort of thing at all. I'm still assuming it's him, though, but I'm going to look for other evidence too.

Won't see him til tonight and then dd will be home.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 24/09/2014 13:45

If he's got a modern phone he will know by now he sent it anyway Op.

FelicityGubbins · 24/09/2014 13:47

The text is definitely from him, if you are on his Facebook friends list, look at how many friends he has, and then create a new Facebook id, and search him out and count how many friends and see if it's the same number, she might be on his Facebook but have you blocked so you aren't aware of her.

Original poster
springchickennolonger · 24/09/2014 14:03

He doesn't use Facebook, and neither do I. He has a Samsung s3, quite new. I'm not in denial, just don't want to give him a route out by not being absolutely sure of my ground.

Would a private dick be a good idea, do you think?

OP posts:
FelicityGubbins · 24/09/2014 14:06

Are you sure he doesn't have facebook? If you aren't on it then you wouldn't know if he was, private sick would be a total waste of money, but maybe a voice activated recorder hidden in the car might turn something up if that's the route you are wanting to go down

FelicityGubbins · 24/09/2014 14:07

*Private dick

seasavage · 24/09/2014 14:08

I have had that phone style. It's odd that he's texted that because generally (unless he's habitually deleting threads) you keep all the text history with a person by number. Clicking the wrong thread is of course possible, but at the top of the screen it displays a persons name. Surely it's a long enough text to notice the wrong name.

textingdisaster · 24/09/2014 14:09

I have a Samsung galaxy s4 and did just that the other day. Wrote a long text to my sister complaining about my H but sent it to him by mistake so it is possible if you are distracted.

seasavage · 24/09/2014 14:11

Fair enough then. Freudian slip for the modern day perhaps?

ExpiredUserName · 24/09/2014 14:12

Its definitly easy to send texts to the wrong person. That's why people are daft if they send anything contentious by text. It's bad enough just making typos - auto correct changed my tennis coaches name to 'Puppy' Hi Puppy, can I play today' Confused. Blush

Chaseface · 24/09/2014 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippey · 24/09/2014 14:18

You have all the evidence you need.

AlpacaMyBags · 24/09/2014 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicityGubbins · 24/09/2014 14:21

I have a Samsung, if you click on the messages icon it has all the texts you have received in order of who text you most recently
If you go on the phone icon it also lists who you have made calls to in the same order, and favourites brings up the most frequently contacted numbers in frequency first, his is probably the same.

emeraldgirl1 · 24/09/2014 14:21

Exactly what Chaseface said.
Hope you're doing ok OP Wine

loopylou6 · 24/09/2014 14:21

Are you sure he doesn't have a secret child? That would explain it.

YellowTulips · 24/09/2014 14:24

The problem with waiting to confront him is if he realises he has sent the message to the wrong person.

Whilst you get time to get your ducks in a row he could be doing the same thing.

Personally I would get a meeting booked with a solicitor for tomorrow and confront him today.

Between now and him coming home I'd collate bank and pension information but that's it. I don't think you need any more evidence.

All you need to say is "this msg clearly was not for me. Who were you texting late last night? Unlock and give me your phone now. If you refuse I can only assume you value what's on that phone and who you are hiding more than me. In which case go pack your bags and get out."

Granville72 · 24/09/2014 14:40

Yellowtulips has summed it up.

absolutely no point in waiting, already sounds like he has made you submissive in your actions around him (from what you've said). Ah but of course, it's all your fault isn't it. Men always aim the blame elsewhere when they're up to no good or have little / no respect towards you and like to control you

BlueBrightBlue · 24/09/2014 14:49

To me it sounds like the sort of text a person might send to their child.
It seems very odd.

Pagwatch · 24/09/2014 14:53

It's a text to someone he cares about, who he knows well.

Why do you need proof?
If I was emotionally separate from my DH, found that text and started contemplating a private detective then it would be over.
It would be my decision not something he could talk me out of by pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 24/09/2014 14:54

Yellow if the OP isn't on the deeds and isn't married I don't think that he will accept "pack your bags", especially as he seems quite controlling.

OP you need to think sort out your finances and where you and dd are going to live. Have you got a friend who DD could go to tonight?

Unless you are going to stay of course.

YellowTulips · 24/09/2014 15:32

If he is fucking around he's not going to put her on the deeds now is he?

It might mean he resists moving out but it doesn't stop the OP asking him to do it. On the long shot he may have a tiny shred of decency left he might agree to sleeping on the sofa at worst.

In reality any real sorting of parity in a relationship re finances needs to be done upfront not at crisis point and I'm surprised how many times on these threads women leave themselves totally exposed in this regard.

Squidstirfry · 24/09/2014 16:00

Sorry op, but he is taking u for a mug and you will b even more of a mug if u do not confront him immediately. What's the point of postponing!?
He has realised too by now. He will b planning his advantage.

Dowser · 24/09/2014 16:09

Sometimes people don't get texts.

He might be breathing a sigh of relief right now !

Dowser · 24/09/2014 16:13

Oh and I'm not advocating not getting angry. You probably are angry just keep cool and think straight.

OP has had all day to plan her strategy. It's not like he was in another room when text came through and she had no thinking time and just went for his jugular.

If he's messing about and thinks he's got away with the txt he will make other slips.

OH dropped clamber after clanged in his working life because in his head he was elsewhere.