Text message meant for someone else?

[springchickennolonger]

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

Be careful he doesn't get onto your phone and delete the message (if that's possible.)

You have all the evidence you need to confront him -
text message from him not meant for you
separate beds - instigated by him
flagging sex life

If that was me, I'd have been down the stairs and confronted him the moment that text message came through.

If he does that Imperial then it's obvious he's up to something. Although sounds like he's leading a double life to me anyway.

Yes, it would be obvious, but she wouldn't have any evidence then.

I agree about the double life. That text is not something you'd send to a virtual stranger; it's something that you'd send when there's an established relationship.

Poor you OP, it really does sound like he was texting OW, and if he was at home with you at the time then no one else could have used his phone.

Your DP will know he has done this by now, I am always sending messages for my DH to my DD because I don't check who the last text was from before hitting reply but I notice fairly quickly.

Look for evidence if you want you but you will need to find out where you stand legally if you split up. Though he will have to provide for DC.

I know what you mean Granville but a knee jerk reaction might not get the best results for the long term future for OP and her child.

Thats what she needs to think of because whatever she does now has a big impact on her long term future.

If this man is in a relationship that he is contemplating on taking to another level ie making cat woman a permanent fixture in his life OP needs to tread carefully to get the best deal for herself.

This man MAY have emotionally left the relationship we don't know enough yet. His next step is to leave the relationship physically. Followed by financially. But I believe these two latter steps are interchangeable.

He might already have been squirreling away money to fund his new lifestyle.

Get your evidence OP . Get your facts. Confide in a trusted RL friend or vent here. It's such a huge site, there always seems to be someone around.

Someone who breaks your trust with another woman is not someone I would trust to be fair when it comes to divvying up assets.

I certainly wouldn't expect this other woman to consider the OPs needs. She may not even know of your existence. Or she's been fed the same old, same old....my wife/ partner doesn't understand me. Marriage dead. Etc

Softly, softly....

So sorry you're going through this OP.

I don't understand other people saying to wait this out. There is no way your DP isn't going to realise that he's done this.
You are going to have to confront him about this and have it out.
From what you've said about your relationship - you both deserve better and IMHO so does your DC.

Do you want your current set up to be her/his model of what a healthy, loving relationship should be?
I hope this works out for the best for you all.

What LinaDee said.

Screenshot the message and email it to yourself so you have a copy in case he gets to your phone.

So sorry op. It doesn't paint a good picture overall. If my DH had suggested separate beds I'd assume he was getting it elsewhere and the text on top of that is the icing on the cake.

Technically it is possible to send a text appearing to be from another number - we have software at work that does it.

But, I doubt it is in this case.

If it were a developer that keyed the wrong number while testing, then the text would probably be a string of nonsense coding or "test xyz" etc.

If it were one of his colleagues / friends indulging in a prank they would make it more exciting.

It's too ordinary (ref to cat / watching tv) to be anything other than what it is IMO, so sorry OP.

The text reads as if he cares for her a lot. It's more them just sex

Of course it's from him.

Does he have a FB? Go searching for female friends of his with cats.

Is it just me that reads the mention of "your cat" as a crude code for her vagina ('pussy', bleurgh)?

Not just you DB.

Do you have a joint account? If so, make sure you take plenty of money out before you confront him, as he could block /empty it and you will be left skint.

No, I don't read cat = pussy.

As I said earlier, it's an odd message. It's the kind of thing I'd send to my god daughter & she would send to me.

It's not at all like something between a man and his OW even if they have been 'together' a long time.

I think it has the familiarity of a relationship of friends, until all the 'miss you' and kisses. That makes it seem a relationship.

I'm sorry Op, it is what it is. Why do you think you need more proof? I have a friend who found out exactly the same way although the text she received said something like, 'hi hon, did you manage to get your car sorted? Missing you xxx' She knew immediately that he was in a loved up relationship with someone rather than just having sex with her by the tone of the message all very cosy and comfortable. I know my friend would have been less sure of ending her marriage if it had it been a sexy message but knew there was no way back from him being in love with someone else. I'm sorry but the text you received sounds similar. Get yourself sorted for what's to come.

Agree with Lina Dee, he'll realise v. soon that he did it, if not already. You don't need more evidence, a better idea is to think what you want to do, and to get all the information - paperwork - to do that.

It sounds like a long-term relationship, as pp said, 'All very cosy and comfortable'.

I'm sorry OP. It must have been an awful shock.

This is so sad. Are they all fucking at it? So sorry op bitter? Moi?

If the message alone isn't enough, consider that it's very possible he sent it to you on purpose.

So sorry OP it does sound like he is in a relationship of some sort with this woman. He must have realised that he sent the text to you by now, how is he around you? I would have thought he would be expecting you to say something to him. Good luck with talking to him when you do.

It has your name and that you spent the evening watching TV. Who else is going to accidentally text you that and have it look like it comes from him?

I wouldn't mention it. Do as others have said and save it somewhere he can't get at it.

Start getting your ducks in order to leave what more proof do you need? Shitty relationship and separate rooms. Is it worth staying?

Also consider an STI test. You may not have had sex for a while but you have no idea where he has been, when or what he has risked giving you.

He will realise he has sent it else where. Don't engage when he tries to explain it to you. Stay quiet. Let him do the talking and hang himself.

OPs partner has a Legal Financial obligation to support the child, not the OP as well (as she has called him a DP and not a DH then I assume they are not married) should they separate and I very much doubt he would make them homeless and out on the streets.

So why should she do the softly softly approach to protect her long term future in getting to the bottom of whatever is going on? She has some pretty solid evidence that is worthy of a confrontation and a bloody good explanation.

And OP, it is exactly something like a man would send to his OW regardless of how long they had been together so please don't try and be in denial over that fact. Men & woman often become someone you totally wouldn't recognise when they're playing away from home.