Text message meant for someone else?

[springchickennolonger]

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

Would a private dick be a good idea, do you think?

Waste of money.

The reason that the language is different is because it's an affair. You know it's an affair, and you are just in denial that another woman could possibly be interested in the person you are living with.

Question - did he work until 7:30 and then watch TV with you? If so, what more evidence do you actually need?

Check his clothes for cat hairs?

Don't be surprises (if you're playing dumb) if he is keen to "borrow" your phone and you find he's deleted the message. Obviously it just makes him look more guilty but if he believes you haven't seen it (if you're like me and likely to have not touched your phone for a while) then he might try it.

Don't "assume" it's him. It is him! Of course it's him. And if that message isn't to a child (like others have said) it's to another woman, who he is (at least) quite emotionally intimate with. Very very odd.

Not sure why you need further proof.

Isn't it no blame now in divorces?

If you are hoping to save the relationship, OP, if you are sleeping separately already how do you want the future to pan out. What do you and he need to do to fix things.

Speak to solicitor to make sure you get your due.
Speak to DP, what does he now want, tell him what you want.

you need to see a solicitor, not a Private Detective! I cannot imagine what other evidence you want before confronting him? Will it take photos of him DTD before you will believe it?

I am really sorry you are going through this and I understand you may have very good reasons to hold off and get a few things sorted before you confront him but it sounds like you still actually think there is an innocent explanation.

Do you have RL support you can properly trust?

Tell him you know what he has been up to. That you want his version of events and if it doesn't match up exactly to what you know then there will be no further conversation and you have packed him a bag.

OP does the text message actually say "watched tv with." or does it have your name/another name there?

If it is a dot the it sounds like she doesn't even want to hear your name/accept you exist. I don't think it sounds like a message to a child at all, it definitely smacks of OW to me.

Offs.

The text came from his phone.

This man is having an affair.

Occam's razor.

Deny it to yourself all you want (been there, done that) it won't change anything. Except that when he dumps you, you'll feel even more shitty, because you knew. And he knows you knew. And still put up with it.

If it is an affair then judging by the flavour/wording of it I would say it is well established.
It does read like a text to an older child though, that was my first impression.
As it was sent to you by mistake then there is a likelihood that the intended recipients is the person listed either immediately before you or after you or else someone who shares the first initial on the list of names.

It wouldn't be sent to a child at that time of night though, would it?

It's obviously a first text, ie not a reply. He would have been expecting a reply, though.

When did you last text him, OP? What sort of phone does he have?

Oh, I didn't spot that IB.

Agree with those saying make some plans.

Why would OP need to get on the deeds of a house belonging to her soon-to-be ex partner?
He's cheating in a relationship, are you suggesting that's a justification to take a load of his money?

As people have said, he will no doubt be aware by now that the text has been sent to you by mistake. Unless you want to do a Mary Archer and turn a blind eye to this affair, it's crossroads time. You need to talk to him, confront, whatever. This will either be the catalyst to the official ending of the marriage, or the wake up call to both of you that something must be done to save the marriage, if that's what you both want. Basically, things have now come to a head. Get as much emotional and practical support as you can, from MN and RL. I'm so sorry you are going through this

Relationship, I mean, not marriage

By not confronting when he knows you know, turning a blind eye is accepting the behaviour which is not the message you want to be giving out.

Exactly, Joy

Jakesmith, are you saying it's acceptable for a woman and her 12 year old daughter to be instantly made homeless and penniless just because her partner has decided that that's what he wants?

Thanks all for your on going support. I haven't read all the replies yet, as I've been working all day. Hampton yes, the sentence in the message ends with "with". As if he either doesn't want to mention my name or doesn't want the OW to have to read it.

Something else: this wasn't a fresh text. I'd been texting him during the day and the incriminating text was in response to an earlier text I'd sent him. So it wasn't as if he'd pulled the wrong name out of his directory or something. My name would have been on it! That makes him look even more dickish. I can't believe he'd be that stupid.

I have plenty of support in RL but haven't got round to telling friends yet.

I'm not on the deeds, we're not married, but I have taken legal advice in the past and it seems we are equal in terms of assets. I own a house which I rent out, which forms a substantial part of my income. I need urgent advice though, my main concern being dd and how she will be affected by the fallout.

funky I was still working when I got in last night. Yes, he could have got in at 7.30 and yes, we did watch telly for a bit when I got in at 9.

Well crack right on with ltb then, u r secure financially, he "wishes he was meeting ow tonight", no need for dragging it out. Good luck.

Can't you get hold of his phone somehow?

There must be a way. He's not surgically glued to it. You should definitely do some more detective work and get to the bottom of it.

DD try to protect her from any major confrontation, if you see it coming. Can she go to a relatives or close friend for a few hours etc? She will probably be aware that things are not right anyway. Try to avoid being judgmental about dp. She will be concerned with how a split affects her, and it's the non obvious things that can bother them, like will I still have a nice bedroom, can any pets still live with us etc. contact the school to advise of relationship issues, so they can keep an eye on her. And schools can access counselling too, to be held at school. Direct her to websites for kids whose parents have split. And it seems to be that kids prefer parents to split and be happy, than together and in a war zone

I wouldn't give a shit who or what he was doing, reducing me to a . would end it immediately for me I'm afraid...

I'm not sure if he is DD's bio father, but he's presumably her father figure. Don't restrict any access, and don't make her take sides. It's that sort of thing that screws kids. I work in a school, it's those scenarios that produce fucked up kids. Handled properly, kids are well adjusted