Text message meant for someone else?

[springchickennolonger]

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

If it's an iPhone then he probably realises what he's done already. He might have checked and realised when the mad cat woman didn't reply.

How did he act this morning btw? I am surprised he hasn't noticed.

Do you want to be in this relationship Spring?

I don't think this has happenedin your car but I once had a text conversation with a stranger on my phone because the phone was new and the number hadn't been changed over correctly. I was telling someone else's husband about buying underwear. ..

In your case. ...not car!

"I was telling someone else's husband about buying underwear. .."

She probably posted about it on MN and was told to LTB

Was it an iMessage? Do you have his icloud password? Maybe he has his iCloud password on another Computor or laptop. I can't see how the text can be innocent. Am I right that he named you in the text?

What about looking at his phone bill? Or is it a company phone?

What about your home phone bill, if you have one, is that itemised?

If he deletes the thread of messages then that would be even more incriminating.

It is easy to send the wrong message to the wrong person with IPhones. I've done it a couple of times although as I am not a drug dealer/ person who has affairs/sexter etc it hasn't mattered.

I'd sort out finances etc then, if I was able to do that quickly
I think I'd be tempted to reply with irulethisworlds suggestion

"We don't have a cat, why are you telling me you watched tv with me? You did meet me last night, we sat home and watched tv. Thanks for missing me though xxx".

In a way that text is even worse than a sex chat one as it reads as though he has feelings for the recipient and is in the early stages of a relationship ( you know, when you act all polite and considerate). I think this is a case of if it looks like a duck, flys like a duck .......

It's an odd message. It's like a message you'd send to a child you don't live with - more than an OW.

We had a row a few months back when I discovered he had been using dd' s tablet to look at porn

After that revelation about his porn habit I remember posting on a thread of yours in July, OP. 30 years with this man, not married, one DD and it's his house.

Another woman though? Surprised at that tbh

I am sorry but it does not surprise me. Back in July you referred to his sudden single burst of intimacy after years of no physical contact (that you stoically endured as I recall at his insistence rather than fully participated in) which sounded less 'for old times' sake or an attempt at rebuilding your love life than he was somehow grimly reminding himself that you existed.

My worry is now what if he tells you he has a girlfriend waiting in the wings and he expects you to leave?

Please find out where you stand financially, what resources you can draw on.

A friend of mine went through similar - what she did was send the text back to her husband with the message 'I think this was meant for someone else'.
She then got herself organised and kicked him out. She moved so quickly he didn't have a chance to go on the defensive or make excuses.

I hope OP is going through his pockets while we chat.

My piece of doo doo said he was having an affair. Then denied it two days later so I had to go looking.

There was nothing until I found his dinner jacket. On a menu he had written A list with my name and her name and all our attributes . Yes folks he compared us to one another.

I thought he was having it off with his mates girlfriend at first.

Rang my friend and she said she had met her. It was a different one btw. She just hadn't connected the dots. It was a house warming, he wasn't there but this woman was and not knowing M was my friend had brought my exs name into conversation

Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.

When I was at relate we were taught that people who were leading double lives often subconsciously dropped THE clanged that brought the affair out into the open to relieve the pressure of being in the affair in the first place.

Or he may have done it deliberately.

That's why cool head is needed until you decide what is best for you!

He sounds like a twat. I'm sorry OP.

I wouldn't confront him yet. I would spend the next few weeks snooping systematically. You may not be able to use any of it legally in court but it allows you to know what is going on. This will give you time to take legal advice, deal with work, work out where you want to live etc.

doesnt sound good.
I agree with pp regarding responding to this message.

however can I just say that it IS possible to receive a text where the person it looks like its from has not sent it.

for example. a developer friend of mine sent me a text (using a programme he purchased) and when I received it, the message looked to be from my boss.

I.e. developer friend knew I would have 'richard' saved in my phone book and used this programme to send me a silly message. when I got the text it looked to be from richard apart from the content which was rather silly and not a text from my boss iyswim.

developer friend has also used this programme to send me texts from santa, devil etc etc.
hope that makes sense. you will not be able to reply to that particular message though. .its the way the programme works.

I am not saying that is what has happened in ops case but it is possible to receive a text from someone in your phonebook that hasn't been sent by that person. I hope im explaining this properly.

op. respond to this text. see what happens

I agree with the pp, don't confront him yet!

Seek legal advice ASAP and get all your finances sorted.

If you're not going to confront him immediately, take a screenshot of the text message and save it somewhere else.

If he realises he sent it to you, and you say nothing, he might try to delete it off your phone and deny all knowledge and you're left without your proof.

What are the chances of it being from a software thingy though.

He doesn't even sleep in the same bed as op and hasn't for ages. And that text is fucking hurtful, look at him casually mentioning that he was watching tv with op. Cunt.

It won't go to court. They're not married.

Oh gosh OP. It doesn't sound great. ):

However there could be an innocent explanation? Until then- sort out your stuff- money etc before asking him about it.

Hope you are okay.

op! for being in this situation. Having read your other thread I was wondering if he might have sent you the text on purpose? Just as a cowardly way to get the ball rolling and to make you leave him?

In any case, do not do anything rash as pp have said. Get your ducks in a row and get some rl support.

I'm happy to confront him, I suppose, but I feel I need more evidence, as he's likely to deny it.

This will be your undoing, if you're not careful.

You DO have all the evidence you need. Coupled with a shit relationship which features no sex, separate beds and him turning into such a shit dad he potentially exposes your child to porn, you have not only all the evidence you need but also more than enough justification to simply move straight from here into thinking - what do you want?

'He's likely to deny it'

So what? Why is what he says (which is almost certain to be a lie) have ANY importance now, compared to a text which a. isn't a lie and b. tells you everything you need to know? Of course he will deny it. That only becomes a problem if you make the mistake of thinking that anything he says now has to be taken notice of. He's a lying cheat, ergo - what comes out of his mouth now has no bearing on the situation. None.

What do you want?

It would be sensible, realistic, and best for YOU to move straight to that. And if you do, you are more likely to get some real answers from him, because if he sees that you are not giving him any power here and are making decisions for yourself, he will be less likely to bullshit you.

Have you searched for any bank books OP? If you aren't married and the house is in his name, have you managed to get yourself onto the deeds yet? If not, have you got an escape plan?

Have you asked him OP?

Are you ok?