blue you're right. The relationship had run its course. I am bitter, though, mainly because I feel he's used me as a childbearing vessel, then as an au-pair to his daughter. He's a great dad in many ways, but he's never done any of the everyday grunt stuff like school runs. He's a typical Sunday morning dad-visible only when he sees fit. I've given up my career to support his life style. I've been loyal and asked him for nothing. I've supported myself and dd financially (I've been lucky in being able to do this): he doesn't take time off work, he doesn't pay for birthdays, holidays, clothes, trips -nothing. He's had everything his way and I've not felt able to demand anything more of him because I wanted to prioritise dd and her well-being.
He's always been selfish but I never saw him as sly, conniving or manipulative. This is what rankles, more than anything. If he'd wanted to play away, then he should have put his cards on the table and at least been open. Instead, he's played a role to impress others-doting dad, the kids' entertainer, the dynamic entrepreneur: kind and patient.
He's a different man to what I thought he was. People change, I know, especially over time, I understand the frustration of an unsatisfactory relationship too; the lack of affection, attention, interest, the poor sex: everything. I could have done something about it -I'm not a bloody nun-but I didn't.
But he did something about it-and for all I know this could be a long-standing habit-and got caught out. For all I know, the long working hours were a cover. The long, lonely hours I've spent at home, ensuring that he came back to a happy, clean child, tidy house and a meal on the table were wasted on a bloke who saw me as nothing more than an au-pair. Had I not caught him out, he would have carried on.
So I feel I have every right to be bitter. I am not a pushover, I consider myself to be capable and strong. I have asked nothing of this man but I feel I deserve some respect at least.