Text message meant for someone else?

[springchickennolonger]

Looked at my phone this morning. Found a text message from Dp which was obviously not meant for me. It's incriminating -to another woman- but I don't want to draw any conclusions until I'm sure it's from his phone.

Is there any way it could be from somewhere else?

I'm a bit shocked tbh and not sure what to do.

My gut feeling is to gather more evidence before confronting him. Any advice?

Thanks.

springchicken at least you're showing her how to behave with self-respect. You can bet if she is in a relationship when she is older, she will remember this example if he cheats and dump his sorry ass.

And I imagine he is not going to want her to know why you're separating, but I think at her age, she needs to know at least the basic truth - if she finds out later and you've lied about it to protect her, she will most likely resent it.

expired yes, I need to an inventzry. I'm not married to him, but everything in the house has been paid for by me. Apart from the telly. And I've put loads of energy and time into it too. Other stuff like money is not held jointly. Yes, I need to be logical. I'm calm now and thinking straight.

So sorry to hear this OP, you sound amazingly strong. Best wishes for your future

Alice that's a good point. I haven't thought about how/if/ when to tell dd. Or what!

ARGH what a tosser. You and DD will be happy and settled I promise.

You're doing great OP.

(Agggh phone). In what is clearly a lousy situation. and

Please see a solicitor as he may well turn angry and defensive once he has stopped feeling sorry that he got found out.

It's disgusting that he just dumped that on you and then went back to work. What a total tosser!

In response to the queries about my friends DP and his 16 year old lover, the parents know all about it apparently, I suspect they are rather swayed by his hedge fund manager status and salary, as is the girl. I am sure they will all get what they deserve, but like OP, my friend isn't married so her situation is bloody precarious. He met her as she is a helper at an activity his DD does

She was going to try and find out when the girl turned 16 but of course it's pointless as they will both say "nothing happened" until she became 16 and it's wasted energy that could be spent working out how she can make a safe future for herself and her 3DC.

16

Hampton. I keep and head shaking when this pops in my head today. I am even more by the parents

So sorry spring chicken.
This guy sounds like a selfish twat.

You've got your priorities right by thinking about your daughter first - I just hope he can do the same.

Hampton under the new(ish) sexual offences act, all sorts of things are an offence whilst a girl is still under 18 and it's an older man, even if she imagines and believes she is fully consenting, if there is a power imbalance and ESPECIALLY if he was a helper at her activity. Look up "sexual exploitation".

springchicken glad you paid for the house and have your DD. This man is not an asset in your life. You will be so much happier without him. He can still be a good father to your DD. Good luck.

Spring so sorry....you certainly seem to be thinking on your feet and good for you. He just isn't worthy of you and I suspect you've felt like this for a while. He's actually quite pathetic Thinking of you

Spring, you are amazingly strong. Are you in some way relieved ? Seems like in some way you now have the reason to end it. Or have I read it all wrong ? How did you feel when he suggested seperated beds. 'ok fine by me' or . ..?

OP, I got up to your posting of mid-afternoon with the conversation, so apologies if I'm overtaken by events, but the [completely expected] arrival of the DD made me think of "how you tell your DC that Mummy and Daddy are splitting up" and number.1 on the list is that you do it with only a few minutes to spare, and a thing by which they'll be distracted scheduled within a few minutes.

That's what I got from that. Call me a cynical old bitch...

Oh my god what a horrible man. I am so sorry

For me the only point of trying to save a relationship if is if there is actually someone or something worth saving. If the relationship wasn't brilliant anyway it's a chance to start afresh, experience new things and see what life brings.

Way too many people cling on for dear life because they don't want to be alone or because they are too scared to face the future.

A friend of mine has recently received her share of her husbands pension as she has attained 60, his retirement scheme age! He was a hospital consultant and she now gets £40,000 per year plus a nice lump sum of £120k to blow! She couldn't be happier!!!

Blimey.

Not sure what else to say at this point.

I forget - is the house in your name or his? Is DD his?

Such a shock for you :(

sassy yes, I was relieved, in a way. This incident has given me the push I needed to face the problems in the relationship once and for all. Had he not done this, I'd probably still be beating myself up over things. As it is,I feel quite liberated.

The separate beds thing is a hangover from a time when dd was little and not sleeping well. She slept with me for a while (maybe not the best idea) before going into her own bed. Dp didn't come back, citing all sorts of nonsense-he wanted to read in bed, he wanted a hard mattress, blah, blah. Maybe the signs were there then, and I should have ended it. Fast forward to recently, and his excuses are the same, but dd is now 12.

I've texted him to ask him to leave me alone for the next couple of days, to give me time to think.

I imagine he'll come home later and say you are overreacting, and that he was only flirting. He has cleverly worked out that it's pointless to deny any flirting as it's there in black and white.

However, it was clear from his tone and what he said in the text that this has been going on for a while. They've clearly been meeting- he wouldn't say he wished he was with her tonight if they'd never had previous evenings- it would be too relaxed.

I also think you should ask him to stay away, whilst you think. I think you don't need to be married to have a legal stake in the house; you've been together a long time. Maybe someone can clarify?

chipping the house is in his name, but I also have a house of my own which is rented out.

Sorry, cross post. Very wise.

Are you angry about it or upset? You seem very calm. Which will no doubt be helpful to you.

It sounds like relief on both of your sides really. Get some legal advice OP.

greenI'm calm. Maybe it's shock. But I think I've been sort of expecting this for a while and rehearsing a strategy for ending the relationship. He's really helping me along!