3wo baby & husband fessed up

[Crushed2914]

I had a baby 3 weeks ago, traumatic birth husband distant not supportive but loves baby.
Things have been distant between us for some time, he spends most of his free time at the gym, thought things would change once baby was here but no.
He's always been over protective of his phone, but last night I asked for it to download pictures of our LG.
I found screen shots of sickly messages from another woman, Instagram photos of true love quotes, things like I can't be with you all the time but you are the love of my life, and stuff about having such a strong connection, we finish each other's sentences blah blah blah.
I questioned them & he began a story about comforting her when her cat died. I asked why he kept these messages, he said he thought they were nice. I probed further, he's having an EA with this woman, says they haven't had sex but that he has wanted to. (When I asked if he wanted to have sex with her, he said he doesn't want to say it in front of me, I demanded to know & he said yes he does) He's not kissed her but could have. She's married with children also. He deletes her texts & his texts to her. He says he's not sure if he loves her, which I believe to mean he does. He says we've been living separate lives for ages & it's not worth trying to change. He won't stop seeing her or going to the gym that she goes to. He won't try to take our daughter away from me, and will let me live in the house, he will continue to support me. In other words he made up his mind before now about leaving me.
I've been awake all night with baby, I feel sick & utterly shellshocked. I was distant with him because he spent all his time away from me, I didn't think he'd really be having an affair. There's no going back now. How on earth am I going to carry on, I'm going to be a single mother, with no money, no life. My poor little girl

Hello love, when the solicitor's letters start flying around, you do sink to depths you didn't imagine existed. It truly is the lowest point of them all.

I've been there. As someone else described it - you vibrate with the pain of it all. For me it was full on body tremors, panic attacks (I am a terribly laid back person ordinarily), barely able to breathe. Non-stop body-wrecking sobs of despair, and almost zero sleep for days on end. It was at this point I was ordered into a caravan - something that I can actually laugh about now. Couldn't then - I was terrified. It was the darkest hour, without doubt.

I promise you it gets easier in time. Just focus as much as you can, on relaxing, trying to get some sleep, one teeny tiny foot in front of the other. This will end, I can't promise you when that will be, but it will be.

What little thing has your toddler done today that has made you proud?
What milestone has baby reached today?
Think on these things that you are making happen.

Thank you. I'm sorry I'm bagging on all the time!
No toddler just a beautiful baby that he doesn't want to know :( she's giggling when I talk to her which is just lovely, I'm just sad there's no one here with me to see it. My first taste of loneliness this week, people say I'm not alone but really I am, there's no one here in the evenings when it's most lonely. How on earth can I get used to it. When I was with him I knew he'd be home at some point.
Yes the letters sting, my nan came round just after I'd opened it, I was wracked with tears, the only one in my whole family to be divorced, I know no one wants it to happen but since I was a little girl I always wanted to be married & a mummy just like mine & just like nanna. Childish to say it now but god he's just shattered all my dreams. I know single mothers are wonderful but I really desparately want her to have a loving father, no one will look at me twice, they will either assume I'm married or think small baby, thanks but no thanks.
I'm so full of hate towards her also it consumes me at times.

Can your nan stay with you? Cods wallop to no one ever looking at you. My friend met her now dh before her daughter was 1. She had cried all the time in the maternity hospital over her exes betrayal with ow. He is just one man, there are millions of others once you feel ready. Crying is good as you are letting the pain out and going through the grief to the destination of eventually feeling better.

Bang on....

If it gets it all out of you, then so be it. Rather you deal with it now then it festers for years.

It's bloody hard becoming a first time parent. It's bloody hard having your husband fuck off without notice.

You got dealt a really shit hand. So you're perfectly entitled to a lot of 'woe is me'.

As for the hypothesizing about your future? I can't say what it'll be like for me or for you, or for anyone. I can say this though: it is more likely not going be the worst case scenario.

So try to not to entertain the worst case scenario.

Or entertain it - and then when it isn't, it'll be a brilliant surprise.

This really is your lowest time.

Have you been back to the baby group you went to last week?

Sorry you are feeling so low, OP. When I was first left alone with my baby I actually wet myself. I was a single mother right up until now, never met anyone else, but that is extremely unusual in my experience. A lot of my male friends have married single mothers and adore the children as well.

I went to the group but didn't find it very helpful, there were only two other ladies, one was a lot younger than me & didn't say anything the other lady seemed to disapprove of everything :-/ I'm hoping when I get back home I'll find another group. I'm considering going back to my church for their baby/toddler group.
Just feeling very sorry for myself today, thanks for listening.
Nan can't stay she can't manage the stairs, she only lives round the corner though, she's heartbroken for me.
Just waiting for dd to wake so I can feed her & take her into bathroom with me so I can shower! I don't want to leave her on her own in case she wakes & cries & I don't hear her, this is ok when she's so little but what do I do when she's more mobile?! I have no idea what I'm doing! Lol

I put my son in the seat from his pram and take him into bathroom with me or put him in travel cot with toys or wait until he is sleeping. It's not the end of the world if they cry a bit and you get much quicker at showering :) you are doing really well, it sounds like you've managed to get her into a good sleep routine which I've never managed with 3 kids!

My dd showers with her baby since dgd was quite small, about two months, because she hated baths.

How are you today?

Thanks ilove bit blue now. Had a nice day with my friend & sis in law but find weekends tough as imagine them having cosy dates, still makes me sad. I have a date with the TV...again.
Just sad thinking back to what we were doing this time last year & now thinking about Christmas, Xmas day last year I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, I thought that was the start of my happy family. The bastard.

Yes, he is a bastard. Their little self indulgent bubble will not last long, something will pop it eventually. In the meantime you will continue to heal and become stronger and happier, you've been through the worst of it already.

Yes Crushed, he is. There aren't the words...
How are you today Glad to hear that you had a nice day & had a laugh with your friend.
Is there a local park that you could push the pram round, or could you arrange to meet a friend for coffee?
Hope you do have a good weekend.

What to do when I find out his girlfriend has made a YouTube channel devoted to their pathetic shenanigans. It's so public she must have wanted me to see it. I can't believe he's 33 & she's 37...

Wow? That's hideous.

Do nothing focus on you and your little one. Internet stalking (we all do it!) is not good for the soul. Try not to do it if you can. How's the baby doing?

She's good, just discovered her hands so it's all she wants to look at now, nearly 3 months old. Xx

What pathetic behaviour. My ex did similar posting semi naked photos of his girlfriend all over Facebook while I was left looking after 4 kids. Their little bubble will soon burst if they're already having to make narcissistic little videos. I've gone through all the emotions you have. I thought I'd be married for life too. Now I'm glad he showed me who he is and gave me the chance to start again with a decent man eventually. You'll get to that point too. You're worth so much more than him x

Sounds rather immature to me, whilst you're being a mother!
I don't think I'll need to look in the tea leaves to spot unhealthy, narcissistic behaviour in their relationship! --»

Thank you, I really hope karma hurries up & kicks him in the balls. I just typed out an epic text to him...then deleted it. Quite proud of myself lol small victories!
I had a quick look on a dating website earlier, I don't want to be on my own but really really don't want to date :(

I've just read your whole thread crushed, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I'm single, different circumstances but still similar in that I wanted a family life and ex didn't. He kind of cheated but was also emotionally abusive and very nasty.

For the first 6 months I was in hell, I hated that he was enjoying himself doing God knows what whilst I mourned the family life I so wanted.

Then something clicked, the anger and the hurt literally disappeared. I have a lovely home, a decent job and my ds is the light of my life. We have such a close bond and I honestly couldn't give a shit what his dad does with his time.

I cherish being alone and hearing ds snoring down his monitor, I know I got the best part of this "deal".

Keep your chin up and your head high, you are doing amazingly well and in time you will heal.

I second that ^ I've just got rid of my emotionally abusive, manipulative husband. We have a 9 month old son who is lovely and he has done bugger all for him. I got to the stage where I realised my husband didn't deserve to have this precious little boy, I was so resentful at his behaviour and cried all the time, now 2 months after leaving him I feel so much better. You will feel better soon too. I think I did my grieving during the relationship. Ultimately you will look back on this and be glad he left, his behaviour is appalling and I doubt his sordid new relationship will last if his ow doesn't have the decency to spare your feelings she doesn't sound like much of a catch. Have you been managing to get out? When are your family back? When do you get into house?

I can't wait to get there, I wish I didn't care about what they were doing. It just feels like such a huge injustice & there's been no consequence for them.
I took dd to a playgroups today which was nice, met some friends there, went out Saturday night & had a dance which I enjoyed, just a bit sad when I got into bed alone (dd stayed over at her aunts).
I was supposed to be moving back into house today but knobbo text last week to say he's not moving out till the 7th so got to wait another 2 weeks. I miss my dogs.

He is missing out, he'll never get all the good stuff you've had with your dd and it sounds like you are coping very well. Well done on going out and dancing :) hopefully you'll feel a lot better once you are back in the house with your dogs, they are such loyal creatures

Shit! I joined a dating site just to see who was 'out there' & to see if a young baby was a major turn off & seem to have landed myself a date on Sunday...! Aaargh I don't know if it's too soon! I just thought the confidence boost might help but I have a habit of getting myself into situations I don't want to be in & just let things escalate. Have I made a mistake? He seems very nice, not really my type, but my type has a tendency to shit on me from a great height!