A teenage shop assistant today...

[Tinytillytot]

Shouted after me as i walked into a changing room cubicle that "Those clothes had BETTER come out on the clothes hanger" and then kissed her teeth.

Was I unreasonable to leave my clothes on the floor then swan out like a badass and simply saying "ciao".

I know it's sad and petty but I really enjoyed my coffee shortly after.

How is it racist to not have encountered something? I've lived in London for years but now live in a cheshire village....my neighbours wouldn't know what it measn....they're far from racist.

ethel - I didn't read her post like that, and I think you are being harsh. I think she just intended to clarify she really hadn't known, rather than to justify anything!

But I do understand what you meant, too.

Well I must admit to having no idea what teeth kissing meant. I had to YouTube it to find out.
I'm sorry if that shocks people and makes me seem 'narrow', but I can't help that.

Ethelb - I'm sure your logic works in some cases but not in this one. How do I go about meeting rude people?

it's not a cop out. It's real life. My real life.

I wasn't aware I was 'defending' my stance because I didn't realise I had done anything wrong Is it such an awful thing for me to live where I do?

Of course not treacle take no notice!

Hi there! Just sauntering past all casual like with a friendly reminder of our Talk Guidelines.
www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette
If you're gonna throw any buns, you'll be politely asked to pick them up and put them back on the hangers after. Thanking you!

But that argument is used by my PILs to justify their use of various racist language.

I mean if they had never heard that you shouldn't use x word, then how could they possibly know not to use it etc etc confused

Ethel don't be ridiculous. If treacle has not heard the term she hasn't heard it. That's not her fault. Stop trying to humiliate her for not being as right-on as you, and turn it into something sinister.

Quite how this thread has turned into a discussion about racism I have no idea.

We don't even know what race the stroppy assistance in question was, or what race the OP is either for that matter.

ethel to suggest that someone may be a casual racist for never having experience of teeth kissing is quite insulting. That's really wound me up

ethelb - you are verging on calling anyone unaware of this behaviour/action as being a casual racist - simply because they haven't gone out of their way to seek out what this is, despite not knowing it was even something a particular culture does.

Despite living and working in a multi cultural city it is not a phrase I know - it isn't something I would know I was supposed to have seeked out and researched into.

There are probably loads of phrases from across the world I have never heard of. Heck, there are probably loads from across the UK, of British origin I haven't heard of either.

I'm not sure it would be that beneficial for me to go and seek all of them out though.

And I don't think it makes me, or anyone else, racist - casual or otherwise - to not have come across them either!

Honestly, this thread! Sheesh!

I'm a bit flabbergasted that so many people don't know what teeth kissing is (maybe more would recognise the sound itself than the term?) in the UK in 2014, not least as it has been widely represented in mainstream media, literature etc for 30+ years.

But, ethelb;

went onto defend this by asking how she could know about it if she had never experienced it. This is a cop out IMO. And is an excuse frequently used by casual racists

Is going too far. If someone doesn't know something, then they don't know something. Maybe they just haven't come across it. You can't start impugning their character because the thing that has passed them by is a culturally-specific gesture rtaher than, say, knowledge of an obscure cooking utensil.

ethelb - were you aware that value judgements are a key aspect of racism?

And that you are making a HUGE value judgement about people based on their lack of knowledge of a very tiny piece of information?

How is it racist to not have encountered something?

^^ No but it does suggest that you have lived a NARROW life and thus have quite a narrow knowledge base and understanding.

@don'tdrink I said her argument was one frequently used by casual racists. It is. It is also one frequently used by casual homophobes and misogynists. Does that help?

@lady I hear teeth kissing most on public transport! OP seems to have been on the receiving end in a shop.

ethelb I feel that you are conflating two distinct circumstances. I'm decided not racist but had never heard the term before this thread either.

I'm Scottish, as it happens we don't have a large black community in Scotland. I went to school with Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Iranian, Chinese and Jewish friends. I went to their houses and knew their families so I know all sorts if things about all those cultures. However as it happened there were no black pupils in my school.

I made friends with black students at uni and work with black colleagues now but I've never heard of teeth kissing. It's been indicated on this thread that it's insulting so perhaps that's why.

Not having come across something isn't the same has having actively tried to avoid it.

Perhaps your admittedly unpleasant sounding in-laws are colouring your views on this.

But, ethel, it isn't the same argument.

You cannot know exactly what you don't know.

Everyone's experiences are narrow in different ways, I think. Not knowing the odd phrase is hardly suggestive of anything.

Cor, this thread has got a bit of everything! I'm going to save it in my special folder of Unbelievably Arsey Threads On MN.

The most shocking thing , would be, of course, if what op says happened ["shouted after me"] really did happen, for no good reason. Presumably the teenage shop assistant needs to be educated on good customer service and I would hope (and absolutely-certainly-for-definite-would-have-done-were-it me-in-those-circumstances) that op took the time to speak to a senior member of staff about what had happened.

I wonder if the OP bears an uncanny resemblance to a notorious not-putter-of-clothers-back-on-hangers who has been making the shop assistant's life a misery?

Ethel I work in central London, and lived in London for 10 years until a couple of years ago, including areas of S London with a very large Afro-Caribbean population. I still had to google/Youtube teeth kissing last year. Maybe it's not as widespread as you think...

The knowledge of/ignorance of teeth kissing is a side issue, and easily solved by Google.

No one is racist for not knowing what it means. But it is kind of odd, in this day and age.

But I'm just repeating myself again, I guess I have an extremely London-centric view of life and should not be so narrow-minded!

No but it does suggest that you have lived a NARROW life and thus have quite a narrow knowledge base and understanding.

So what should we do about it, burn her at the stake?

FFS, this is ridiculous.

This is true, mintyy, that definitely requires a complaint.

ethelb

I disagree.

I really don't think I live an INCREDIBLY and/or NARROW life tbh - I'm assuming you used the emphasis of capitals to make your point even more so

I wasn't brought up in an incredibly white middle class middle England environment. I don't live or work in a very narrow minded little village.

Infact as said before,

I live in a multi cultural city.
I work in a very multi cultural primary school.
I have worked in multi cultural secondary schools.
I worked in a very multi cultural prison.

Granted where I live right now is less diverse, though it is not fully white either.

I have no doubt seen this action done but never had it done at me, so probably never really had reason to consider it further.

From accounts on here it is not an entirely polite action and is, from this thread, is quite an aggressive action. So why on earth would I choose to google it prior to this thread???

I'm curious ethelb - do you know the whole range of phrases and actions used from every country across the world? If not, why not?

60s now you mention it, I haven't heard any teeth-kissing for quite a while. Maybe it peaked in the 90s and has fallen out of fashion?